“You mean right now, at this very moment?” Without giving her a chance to answer, he barreled on. “Yeah, it would. We have a lot of talking to do, and that’s one of the things we need to talk about, but I wouldn’t want to make a move like that without taking all kinds of things into consideration. I am willing to give it some thought, much more so than when I left. Maybe…I’m not saying positively, but maybe…someday. But not right now.”
The hope swelling in her heart died. Damn, but he was a pain in the butt. She’d meant to find a gentle way to tell him, but suddenly she didn’t want to be gentle with this incredibly sexy but frustratingly stubborn man. She wanted to hit him between the eyes.
“It’s too late to talk about it, Nat,” she said. “Eight months ago I gave birth to our daughter.”
CHAPTER FOUR
NAT STARED down at her as a sick feeling worked its way through his gut. “No,” he whispered.
“Yes. I’m sorry to spring it on you like this. I hadn’t planned on that, but I’ve carried this secret for so long that I—”
“No!” He scrambled from the bed, as if eliminating all contact with her would change the message she was trying to deliver. He jabbed an accusing finger at her. “You were on the Pill!”
Jess sat up, drew her robe around her with great dignity and retied the sash. Sometimes, at moments like this when she adopted an almost royal air, he realized that some of her upbringing had stuck with her, whether she wanted it to or not.
“Yes, I was, but—”
“You stopped?” The fear boiling in his stomach erupted into accusations. “You stopped without telling me, didn’t you? You thought if you couldn’t hook me one way, you’d try something else!”
“How dare you!” She leaped from the bed, rigid with anger.
“What else am I supposed to think?” Oh, God, he remembered how she’d pleaded with him to commit. Her pleas could have come from the desperate knowledge that she might be carrying his baby.
Clenching her fists, she faced him, her eyes dark with betrayal. “You could try thinking that it was an accident.” Her voice quivered. “I had a cold that weekend, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember.” She’d suggested their not seeing each other because she hadn’t wanted to infect him. But he’d talked her into it by saying he had a great immune system. He’d told her they’d spend the weekend in bed. Which they had. Her cold had made their final argument that much more miserable, because she’d been crying and coughing and sneezing through it all. He’d felt like the worst kind of heel, but she’d been the one pressing the point, not him. And he’d run.
Her tone grew bitter. “I was so worried about you catching whatever I had that I decided to get a prescription for antibiotics, hoping then I’d be less contagious.”
“I remember that, too. What does that have to do with—”
“See? You don’t know, either! Antibiotics can make birth control pills useless!”
So it was true. The realization washed over him in an icy wave. A child. He had a child. His baby wasn’t a refugee, yet still the images of those sad-eyed orphans rose up to taunt him. Life had let them down, and sure as the world, he would let down any child that called him father.
When panic threatened to overwhelm him, he looked for someone to blame. “If that’s true about antibiotics, it should be common knowledge! The doctor should have told you!”
“How could he think to? I ran over to one of those all-night clinics, and they were busy as hell. The guy who prescribed the antibiotics didn’t know me or my situation, and let’s not forget that I was supposed to keep it so damn secret that I was involved in a sexual relationship.”
He looked away from the accusation in her eyes. Guilty. He was so guilty. Loving a woman like Jess had been a mistake from the beginning. After only a couple of days of knowing her, he’d realized she was a white-lace-and-promises kind of gal. Pursuing her had been pure selfishness on his part.
But he’d wanted her in a way that reason and fairness couldn’t touch. He still did. One glance in her direction and the urge to take her came roaring back, especially now, when he was vulnerable and afraid. He’d discovered making love to Jess was magic. Holding her, pushing deep inside her, his fears always went away.
He could still taste her kisses. Her mouth was red from them, her skin rosy from the brush of his beard. The scattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose had been something he’d missed more than he realized. He loved her more now than ever before, as she stood there defiantly challenging him, her wild mane of red curls a riot of color around her tight, angry expression.
Then it finally struck him that she’d announced that they had a child, but she was here alone. “Where is the baby now?”
The defiance whooshed out of her in no time, and her expression became heartbreakingly sad. “In Colorado,” she said quietly. “At the Rocking D.”
“With Sebastian?” Alarm zinged through him. “Sebastian doesn’t know a damn thing about babies! How long—”
“Maybe we’d better go over there and sit down.” She gestured to a polished cherry table and two side chairs positioned by the window. “We have several things to talk about.”
He couldn’t come up with a better plan. It was as good a spot as any for him to be while she flung one hand grenade of information after another. Walking over to the window, he opened the drapes. He’d closed them while she was in the shower as part of his preparation for seducing her. Now he needed a feeling of space.
Below them the city still bustled even though it was nearly midnight. Which meant it was early morning in London. If his body ever stopped pumping with adrenaline, he’d probably keel over from lack of sleep. As it was, he felt as if he’d never be able to sleep again.
“Are you going to sit down?” she asked.
He turned. She was seated primly in one of the Queen Anne chairs, her elbows resting on the arms, her fingers laced together and her feet crossed at the ankles. He thought again how well she fit into this environment. She looked like a younger version of her mother.
He also had the ignoble thought of going over to that chair and trapping her within its arms while he ravished her. There was something very provocative about that bulky terry robe covering her naked body, and the untidy mass of her just-washed hair made her look like a woman in need of ravishing. She had freckles across the top of her breasts, too, and he’d been too busy to take proper notice of them the first time he’d opened her robe. Those freckles called to him.
She’d given birth to his child. He couldn’t take it in. His mind kept trying to reject the whole concept.
“I guess you’re not going to sit down,” she said. “I can understand you being agitated. I really had hoped to break this to you more gradually. But before I say anything more, I need to know if we can keep this between us, or if you will feel some obligation to contact my parents.”
He thought of the worry etched into Adele’s forehead, and the desperate gleam in Russell’s eyes. “They’re worried sick about you. They said you’ve been traveling…” He paused to stare at her. “Have you been hauling that kid around all over the place?”
“Her name is Elizabeth, and no, I haven’t. Like I told you, she’s been at the Rocking D.”
Elizabeth. Her name made her more real, which was not a good thing. “Since when?”
“Since March.”
“Holy shit! Is she okay? Is Sebastian—”
“She’s fine. I keep checking by phone.” Her knuckles whitened as she clenched her hands in her lap. “I had to do it like this, Nat. But first I have