Tina took one last long look at her daughter’s face before she left the room. Wayne would do the right thing. At least she could depend on him to do what he needed to for Katie.
She walked through the house, feeling weightless, free, sure of her course for the first time in years. She went out the rear door and headed toward the lake. At the edge of the water, she stopped and looked back at her house. The roof over the small porch sagged from neglect. The shed still lay in ruins from the last tornado, its sad contents rusting on red clay where only weeds survived. Nothing in Tina’s life was ever fixed. It all simply rotted away, little by little, day by day. But she could stop the decay from destroying her daughter. At least she could do that.
She looked up at the Tennessee sky sprinkled with a thousand stars and stepped into the water, still warm from September’s Indian summer. She walked straight ahead, enjoying the feel of her gown rippling around her ankles, her calves, her thighs. The worn flannel was as soft as a petal, clinging, protective. When the water reached her breasts, she spread her arms, inviting the earth’s most basic element to claim her, opening herself to the calm that awaited.
Water lapped at her chin, her nose. She opened her mouth and let the lake flow in until the stars disappeared.
CHAPTER ONE
JULIA TURNED OFF her shower and heard the phone ringing. She grabbed a towel. “Oh, great.” With just thirty minutes to dress, hail a cab and travel ten blocks to an off-Broadway theater for a Friday opening matinee, she didn’t have time for conversation. Nevertheless, she raced to her nightstand and picked up the portable.
Caller ID displayed her mother’s name. Julia considered not answering, but she couldn’t do that. It wouldn’t necessarily be bad news. Her mom didn’t have a problem every time she called. Although since Julia’s dad died a year ago, it seemed as if she did.
She draped the towel around her body, sat on the bedspread and punched the Connect button. “Hi, Mama. What’s up? I’m kind of in a hurry…”
There was a moment’s pause, then a trembling sob from Cora.
“Mama, what’s wrong?”
“W…Wayne’s here,” she said.
The stutter alerted Julia that her mother was either nervous or upset. This could be a long call. Tucking the phone into the crook of her neck, she walked to her dresser and took out some underwear. “What’s he doing there?”
“He—he brought K-Katie.”
Oh. Well, that was okay. Julia slipped on her panties and reached for a bra. “That’s wonderful,” she said. “You must be excited to have Katie for a visit.”
“It’s not a visit,” Cora said, her words coming slowly.
Alarm raised goose bumps on Julia’s arms. “Mama, where’s Tina? Is she there?”
“No.” A quaking sob stopped Cora’s speech.
Julia gripped the phone more tightly and spoke deliberately. “Tell me, Mama. Where’s Tina?”
There was no answer, only a rustling sound. The next voice Julia heard was Wayne’s. “Hey, Julia, it’s me.” Julia had never gotten along with her sister’s live-in boyfriend, a man she considered a Neanderthal.
“What’s going on, Wayne?”
“I don’t know how else to tell you, but Tina’s dead. She killed herself.”
“What?” The towel fell to the floor. Julia sat heavily on the mattress, feeling as though a vicious clamp were squeezing her chest.
“It was pretty awful,” Wayne said. “When she wasn’t in the house yesterday morning, I went outside and saw her body floating in the lake. She still had her nightgown on.”
Pretty awful. How could he summarize this horrendous news with such an idiotic description? Her sister was dead. She meant something to people, maybe not to Wayne but to Julia. And Cora. And certainly Katie. Katie. Julia tried to draw a deep breath but only managed to push out two words. “She drowned?”
“Yeah. She left a note like suicide victims do. The police found footprints leading to the lake. She must have just walked into the water.” He paused a moment before adding, “I don’t know, Julia. Tina hadn’t been feeling too good lately.”
Julia blinked hard, releasing hot tears onto her cheeks. “Wayne?”
“Yeah?”
“Is Katie there—can she hear you?”
“Well, hell, Julia, she knows. There wasn’t any way to keep it from her. The cops were everywhere. And the ambulance…”
“Where’s Katie now?”
“We’re at your mom’s store. She’s sitting at the snack bar coloring. She’s okay.”
You idiot. “Put Mama on.”
Julia had to strain to understand her mother through the incessant buzzing in her own mind. Nothing made sense. Tina was often emotional, but this…it was unthinkable. “Y-you’ve got to come h-home,” Cora said.
“Of course, Mama.”
“I can’t take any more.”
“I know.”
“We’ve got to raise K-Katie. It’s what Tina wanted. It’s why W-Wayne brought her here.”
“We will, Mama. We’ll take care of her.” Julia had run out of air, out of strength. She clamped her hand over her mouth to stifle a cry.
“When will you get here?”
Julia bit her bottom lip. “I’ll leave for the airport as soon as I pack a few things. I’ll get the first stand-by seat to Charlotte.”
“Hurry, Julia.”
“I will, Mama. I’ll see you soon.”
“W-Wayne’s going back to Tennessee, but he doesn’t know how long he’ll stay in the c-cabin. He’s giving me his c-cell phone number.”
Big of him. Julia choked back an accusation that Wayne had never been much of a father to Katie. She kept quiet because this time he’d done the right thing. He’d brought Katie to Cora, where she’d be safe and loved. Julia knew that, and, with her last breath, so had Tina.
She put down the phone, pulled her suitcase from the closet shelf and tossed clothes inside. As she was zipping it up, she remembered to grab the prescription her doctor had given her a few months ago. The pills were intended to be a quick, temporary fix. She needed them now more than ever.
A LITTLE AFTER 10:30 p.m. Julia called her mother from the car-rental agency at the Charlotte, North Carolina, airport. When she heard her daughter’s voice, Cora broke into tears again. “Where are you, Julia? Are you almost here?”
“Yes, Mama. I’m at the airport. I’ll be home in a few hours.”
“I’ll wait up for you.”
Julia knew it wouldn’t do any good to advise her mother to go to bed, to remind her that she wouldn’t arrive until nearly 2:00 a.m. Cora didn’t sleep well under the best of circumstances and surely her anxiety level was at the breaking point now. “If you want,” she said. “Is Wayne still there?”
“Oh, no. He left. He said he’d t-try to send something for Katie’s support when he found a decent job.”
Gee, thanks, Wayne. “How is Katie?”
Cora sniffled, muffling her answer with the tissue Julia could picture in her hands. “She’s hardly said a word, the p-poor thing. But she’s sleeping now in Tina’s old room.”
Julia