The whole thing about having to work with Jack had just got monumentally harder. She fought the flare of annoyance that he could make her feel like this so easily after such a long time. ‘I know what you mean. To think you’d even consider leaving the emergency department came as a bombshell.’ That was the truth.
‘I’m full of surprises.’ Was that a hint of sarcasm in his tone?
‘Maybe I’ve got a few of my own,’ she retorted. Like the house she’d bought and the renovations she was doing to it, like her cute little friend sharing the place with her. If those things didn’t astonish Jack then he must have turned to stone over the years she’d been away.
Then a memory swamped her, flattening her with shame.
Three years ago Jack’s face had registered shock and disbelief over her biggest surprise ever. ‘You’re really going? Leaving Wellington? Leaving me?’
‘I have to. I’m never going to find my father by staying here, and since I’ve learned he’s American it makes sense to go over to the States. Come on, Jack, try to understand. For the first time ever I’ve got a starting point. How could I not go?’ Her hands had trembled so much she’d dropped her dinner plate and splattered her meal all over the floor. ‘You could come with me,’ she’d whispered in desperation.
‘Sure, Red, just drop everything and leave. Like it’s that easy. I’ve got nearly a year to go before I qualify as an emergency specialist. Stopping in midstream just isn’t possible.’ He’d taken her cold hands in his. ‘You could wait for me.’
She’d shaken her head, beating down the urge to fling herself in his arms and hold on for ever. ‘I can’t. I’ve waited all my life to meet my dad and this is the closest I’ve ever got to finding him. This is so important to me. I have to go.’ Jack had been just as important, maybe more, but she’d foolishly believed finding her parent had been paramount.
Jack’s face had been bleak, his eyes dark with sadness. ‘Until you do this you’re never going to be completely happy, are you? Not even with me?’
She hadn’t been able to answer him for the lump in her throat.
That was when the arguments had begun, almost as a defence mechanism to protect their shattering hearts. They’d agreed they had to make a clean break but the days before she’d flown out had been intense as they’d crammed as much loving as possible into the little time left.
Now Jack lifted a hand in a stop sign, worry darkening his all-seeing eyes. ‘Hey, let’s leave the past alone. After all, it isn’t called the past for nothing.’
Ouch. ‘True. This is a different job; we’re probably different people now.’ She certainly was. Forcing a smile, she asked, ‘So how’s life been treating you? You’re looking pretty good for an old guy.’
His smoky grey eyes lightened, twinkled, the crinkles at their corners bunching up. That heart-stopping smile lifted his mouth. And cramped her stomach. ‘Can’t complain. And less of the “old guy” stuff. Turning thirty was an event, not a disaster.’
So why the sudden doubt reflecting back at her? Jack had always been confident, in control. Doubt hadn’t even been in his vocabulary. These days she wasn’t in a position to ask anything personal. Not that he’d tell her anyway. Talking about the things that bothered him wasn’t in his make-up. He took everything life tossed at him and moved on with a nonchalance that hid his true feelings. He was a rock. The person everyone could, and did, rely on in all situations. He didn’t ever ask anyone to prop him up.
So she knocked on her head in fun. ‘Of course, you’ve had one of those big birthdays.’ She did a quick tap dance on the spot, checked him out. ‘I hope that means everything’s okay with you, no bits rotting and dropping off your wrinkled old frame.’
‘Heck, Red, I’ve missed your cheek. No one else is ever so damned rude to me.’ Suddenly Ruby’s feet were off the ground as Jack swung her up against his hard-muscled frame and engulfed her in a bear hug.
‘So who’s been keeping you in line, then?’ she gasped against his chest. His heart pounded under her ear. Strong and steady, like Jack. His arms were muscular and warm around her back. Just like old times. As her bones liquefied with longing, she wriggled to be set free in case she did something dumb like press in against him and hold on for ever.
Jack tightened his grip, but he didn’t answer her question. ‘You’re looking good, girl. Even with that weird spiky hair and the glaring scarlet colour you’ve dunked it in,’ he murmured against her ear, sending thrilling shivers down her spine. ‘What happened to that beautiful, sherry-coloured mane?’
It had reminded her of Jack too much. Every time she’d looked in a mirror after they’d broken up her heart had snapped in half all over again. ‘It was a nuisance whenever I put my headpiece on in the ‘copter.’
‘Fair enough.’ His disappointed sigh blew against her cheek. His arms tightened further. ‘Pity, though.’
She murmured against his jacket, ‘You would say that. You didn’t have to look after the darned stuff.’ But he had spent hours brushing the waist-length hair that had been her one vanity. She quickly added, in case he thought she was stirring up trouble, ‘It was a full-time job.’
When his fingers pressed a little harder into her waist Ruby felt a pull of the love they’d once shared. A steady love emanating from Jack’s goodness, strength and caring. Added to by her quirky sense of humour and the wonder she’d felt at someone so smart wanting her. Not even her beloved mother had made her feel as good, as safe, as Jack had. And just as she’d done with her mother’s love, she’d fought that feeling, turned it against herself, shunned Jack’s love for her own needs, thereby ruining something very special and worth holding on to at all costs. Hindsight sucked. Big time.
Would she get a second chance?
Ruby breathed Jack in. The scent of pine needles teased her and brought back recollections of long, frenetic afternoons spent making love. So he still wore the same aftershave. What else did he do the same? Was he even the same person? Not if that doubt in his eyes was an indicator.
Then, as suddenly as he’d lifted her into his arms, he plonked her back on the ground. She stumbled as she struggled to maintain her balance. A firm grip on her elbow helped, until a zing of heat spiralled up the inside of her arm, warming the sensitive skin.
‘Careful.’ His tone was suddenly abrupt.
‘Thanks.’ Tugging her arm free, she rubbed hard to dissipate the heat he’d so easily generated. Looking up, she found Jack studying her with the same disconcerting expression in those eyes that had haunted her from the moment she’d walked away from him at the airport. The expression that said you didn’t know what you had until you lost it. How true that had turned out to be.
Jack jerked his head up, looking beyond them, as though suddenly remembering where he was, who he was talking to. He would soon be in charge of the Wellington Helicopter Rescue base and she was a crew member. ‘So you’re now a paramedic on the rescue helicopters. That’s quite a sideways step from the emergency nurse you desperately wanted to be.’
‘Close enough to the same thing. Emergency department, ambulance crew.’ Her spread hand flipped left and right. ‘No different from what you’re doing by taking up this position, I’d have thought.’ She strove to avoid what he was really saying: that she never finished anything she started. How could she? She’d always been too busy moving on to stay anywhere long enough to see any project through.
But for the first time in her life she had completed something, something very important to her. A genuine certificate hung on her bedroom wall. Signed by the Chief of Ambulance Services, San Francisco.
Ruby Smith, Advanced Paramedic. Honours. Right alongside the citation