Joey seemed to think about that. “Yeah. I like the barn. It’s even neater when the horses are in here making noises.”
“I’ll bet,” Raina responded, holding back a grin.
“Come on, boys. If we don’t get those stalls cleaned out before lunch, you don’t go on a trail ride,” Shep reminded them.
Without grumbling, they crawled down the bales, rushed into the tack room and emerged with three shovels. Roy handed one of them to Raina. “Dad uses a pitchfork, but he won’t let us touch that.”
“It’s locked in the tool closet,” Shep explained. “I’ll go get it and meet you at stall one.”
Chores went quickly, and Raina noticed Shep did most of the work. He wanted the boys involved, to have a good work ethic, but he wouldn’t give them more than they could handle.
By the time they reached the third stall, Roy was slowing down.
Raina said, “Why don’t I give you a hand?” She put her shovel aside and stood behind Roy, helping him scoop and carry to the outside bucket.
He grinned up at her. “That was easier.”
Joey didn’t say a word, but there was no indication he resented his little brother having help when he didn’t.
When they’d finished with the third stall, however, Shep suggested, “Let’s take a break. Go on up to the house and tell Eva we’re ready for lunch. Wash up. We’ll be along.”
A few minutes later, Raina stood beside Shep, watching the boys race out of the barn through the corral gate and across the lane. “They’re hard workers.”
“Yeah. And sometimes I think they’ll do anything for my approval. That’s not always a good thing.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I want them to be themselves. I want them to be who they are with each other when they’re in their room alone. When I’m around, they’re more guarded.”
“They’ve been with you what—a year and a half?”
“Yep. And you’d think they’d be more comfortable with me by now.”
It was easy to see that Shep was the strong, silent type. She wondered how much sharing he did with his boys. How much he told them what he was feeling. But she didn’t know him well enough to say that, so instead she said, “There’s distance between me and my mom, even now. But my brother and I are really close.”
“You don’t tell your mother what you’re thinking?”
“No.”
Shep didn’t ask why, and his look told her he wouldn’t pry if she didn’t want him to. So, instead of keeping her childhood hidden, as she usually did, she brought it out to examine once again. “My father was Cheyenne, and proud of it. He told me and my brother about the old ways of living, of thinking, of believing. My mother didn’t like that. She wanted us to fit in. Sometimes being proud of our heritage didn’t help us fit in. Ryder and I were often made fun of, but we had each other and I didn’t tell her about it. That sort of set the standard for our relationship. I tried to be what she wanted me to be—the perfect daughter. Daddy and I could always talk, but my mom and I couldn’t. He died when I was ten, and nothing was ever the same after that.”
Shep nodded as if he knew all too well exactly what she meant. “Did your mother work before your dad died?”
“At the library. But afterward, that wasn’t nearly enough, so she started driving a school bus, too.”
“Gutsy lady.”
“I think in her heart she always wanted to be a teacher, but never had the money to go to college. She practically runs the library now. She gave up bus driving a few years ago to take the head position.”
“She sounds as interesting as you are.”
Raina wasn’t sure what to say to that, so she fell back on what had affected her life most deeply. “My mom never got over losing my dad. It was like that part of her, the romantic side of her, just stopped existing.”
“Has that happened to you?”
Raina really had not seen the connection before, and now she did. “I think that’s happened to me because of the way Clark died.”
“I suppose that’s so. Your husband was a hero. His memory is bigger than life, so there’s no room to have a romantic dream again.”
“How do you understand that so well?”
“I’ve been around.”
Sometimes Shep’s attitude was too enigmatic, and she found herself wanting to dig down to deeper levels. So she asked a question that had been niggling at her for a long while. “If you wanted a family so badly, why didn’t you get married?”
“Because having a family didn’t depend on me marrying.”
“That’s not an answer,” she protested softly, wanting to step closer to him, and yet afraid of feelings that were starting to tickle her heart. So afraid, she wanted to run.
He seemed to have an inside battle with himself, then finally said, “I don’t trust women easily. I have good reasons to believe they leave when the going gets tough. Or they stay for the wrong reasons.”
“The wrong reasons?”
“Yeah. Things like money. Fancy cars. A house in the best neighborhood in town.”
So he’d gotten burned by a woman who had wanted what he could provide for her? Or had the trust issues started much earlier than that?
“Everyone’s got baggage, Shep. It’s what we do with it that matters.”
When he angled toward her, she wasn’t sure what was going to happen next. She was a bit surprised when he took hold of a lock of her hair and let it flutter through his fingers. “You’re a captivating woman, Raina. Do you know that?”
“No,” she said seriously. “Each day that passes I figure out more about myself.”
“What did you figure out today?” He let his hand drop and she was sorry when he did.
“I figured out that mucking out a stall is as good an exercise as I can get in a gym. And that little boys always have a next question, even when you think you’ve answered them all.”
He chuckled. “Isn’t that the truth?”
He looked as if he wanted to kiss her. To her amazement, she wanted him to do it. But why—so she could feel like a desirable woman once more? So she could really start living again? So she could wipe out some terrible memories and replace them with sparkling new ones?
Whatever the reason, it didn’t matter, because Shep took a step back. “We’d better get up to lunch before there isn’t any. Those boys have big appetites after doing chores.”
Shep had let her down easy. They’d gone back to friendly. His trust issues and her past could be hurdles that might prevent even a meaningful friendship from beginning.
What had gotten into him?
Shep gave his horse a nudge up a small hill, watching his sons in front of him as they did the same. Raina rode between Joey and Roy, talking to them as they bounced along.
Shep rarely discussed his background or his breakup with Belinda. Only with Cruz now and then. Granted, he hadn’t given Raina much, but he’d said more than enough. He wanted to forget Belinda’s gold-digging motivation for getting engaged to him…the indifference to children she’d kept well-hidden. He needed to forget that kid who’d gone through life without an adult to