She rinsed her hair and turned off the shower. She dried herself and put on an elderly white towelling bathrobe. It wasn’t a glamorous piece of nightwear, but it was reasonably cosy for the sort of evening she had in mind, relaxing by the fire and maybe later listening to a radio play.
Mrs Hargreaves had stocked the fridge and the vegetable rack on her last visit, so Lisa, a towel swathed round her wet hair, grilled herself a steak and made a salad to go with it.
She hadn’t an enormous appetite—it had been something which had alarmed her stepfather when she had first gone to live at Stoniscliffe. ‘Doesn’t eat enough to keep a fly alive,’ he’d grumbled at each mealtime. But she liked simple food, well cooked, and was thankful she didn’t have to fight a weight problem.
When she had eaten and cleared away, she carried her coffee over to the sofa and curled up with her letters. As she had suspected, most of them were in buff envelopes, and she grimaced slightly as she turned them over. And then she saw there was a letter from Julie.
Lisa stared down at the square white envelope, and the familiar sprawling handwriting, her brows drawing together in a swift frown. Instinct told her that Julie would only be writing to her because of some kind of crisis, and reminded her that it would probably be something she would rather not know about. Such knowledge in the past had always worked to her disadvantage.
Unless it was about Chas, she thought, a sudden feeling of panic seizing her. He hadn’t been well, she knew from his own rare letters, and it had been a while since she’d heard from him, apart from the usual formal exchange of cards at Christmas.
She went on looking at the unopened envelope, concern for Chas battling with a desire to tear Julie’s letter into small pieces unread. She owed her young stepsister nothing, she thought vehemently. In fact, the boot was very much on the other foot.
But Chas was different. She had never met with anything but kindness and consideration from him, and she owed him something in return. Oh, not the money he had paid into her bank account each quarter, she thought fiercely, although she could have repaid it easily because she never touched it. When she had left Stoniscliffe, she had sworn she would never accept another penny of Riderwood money. She would be independent of them all, especially ….
She stopped abruptly, closing her mind, wiping it clean like an unwanted tape. She tried not to think of Stoniscliffe ever, because it was forbidden territory to her now. She had promised herself she would never go back, although her conscience would not allow her to lose all contact with Chas who had been deeply wounded by her decision to leave. And the awful truth was it had been impossible to tell him why she had to go.
Slowly and reluctantly she opened the envelope and extracted the sheet of notepaper inside.
‘Darling Lisa.’ Julie’s exuberant writing straggled halfway across the page. ‘Guess what? I’m going to be married! I’m actually going to amaze everyone and do the right thing for once. It’s Tony Bainbridge, of course, and Father is over the moon. The wedding is next month, and I want you to be my bridesmaid—maid of honour—what the hell! Please, please say you will, darling. The arrangements are driving me up the wall already, and Mama Bainbridge is threatening to take over. Please come home, Lisa. I need you. Surely you can have some time off. I’ll expect to hear from you. Love, Julie.’
The crunch came at the end, obviously scribbled as an afterthought. ‘Dane, of course, is going to give me away.’
Lisa sat very still, staring down at the sheet of paper, then her hand closed convulsively on it, reducing it to a crumpled ball.
She said aloud, ‘No,’ and then raising her voice slightly, ‘God, no!’
She was shivering suddenly and she pulled the dressing gown further around her, and turned the gas fire full on, just as if the chill which had enveloped her was a purely physical one and could be dispelled by such homely means.
Running her tongue round dry lips, she made herself think of Julie. Of Julie going to be married to the young man Chas had always hoped would be her husband. Julie’s decision might not amaze everyone as she had jokingly predicted, but Lisa found it hard to accept, just the same. It had been two years since she’d seen Julie, and she supposed her stepsister could have matured considerably in that time. But remembering the young, wild Julie she had always known, it seemed almost incredible.
She tried to remember Tony Bainbridge. He had always been there when they were growing up, because his father owned the neighbouring estate, but he had never made a very lasting impression on Lisa. He was fair, she thought, pleasant and undeniably wealthy. Quite a catch for most girls. But for Julie, daughter of a wealthy industrialist herself—spoiled, wilful Julie?
Lisa moved her shoulders wearily. Well, love sometimes made strange matches. And surely Julie, young, beautiful vibrant Julie, with her mass of dark curling hair, must be marrying for love, and not just because she knew that such a marriage had always been the sentimental wish of both families. Not even Julie would give way to such a mad impulse, she argued with herself, but she was not convinced.
Unwillingly, she smoothed out the letter and re-read it, trying to ignore the postscript. It was Julie’s usual breathless style, sprinkled with underlinings and exclamation marks, but was it the letter of a radiantly happy bride-to-be?
She closed her eyes. Since she was ten years old and had first gone to live at Stoniscliffe, she had protected Julie. That first night, still bewildered by the speed with which everything had happened, and struggling with the unfamiliarity of a strange bed in a strange room, she had been startled when her door opened. Julie had said plaintively, ‘Mrs Arkwright says I’m too old for a nightlight, but I’m frightened of the dark. May I get in with you? Please, Lisa, please!’
Lisa had spent an uncomfortable night. The bed wasn’t big enough for two and Julie wriggled. Next day Chas had roared with laughter, totally dismissing the housekeeper’s disapproval, and ordered Julie’s bed to be moved into Lisa’s room.
‘Told you, didn’t I?’ He turned to Lisa’s mother, his face beaming. ‘Told you they’d be sisters.’
Jennifer Riderwood had nodded, her eyes faintly troubled. Because she knew that having to share a room for the first time was only one of many adjustments Lisa would have to make in her new life.
She had been a widow for five years when she had had that unexpected Premium Bond win, and it couldn’t have happened at a better time. She hadn’t any particular skills. There was no career for her to fall back on when she was left alone with a small child to bring up. She had to take what work she could, and be thankful. She had to be thankful too that they had a roof over their heads, even if it did belong to her sister-in-law and her husband.
Clive and Enid Farrell were quite aware that it had been good of them to take Jennifer and her child into their home. After all, they’d been under no actual obligation, as they stressed whenever the subject was mentioned. They made it seem as if it had been a gesture of pure kindness, and only they and Jennifer knew that she paid a generous rent in order to be made to feel like a poor relation.
Yet it was never enough. Some of Lisa’s earliest memories were of hearing Aunt Enid complaining about inflation and rising prices. She’d had to learn to remember to switch off every light—‘Wasting electricity’ and how many inches of water were permissible at bathtime—‘Hot water has to be paid for, my girl.’ And she saw her mother’s face grow daily more defeated and tired.
Eventually Jennifer had to supplement her wages as a filing clerk by taking an evening job as a waitress, rarely arriving home before midnight. But basically she was a fragile woman and finally, inevitably she collapsed and had to be brought home, and Lisa could remember how angry Aunt Enid had been. There’d been much twitching of net curtains in the street of semi-detached houses where they lived as Jennifer had been carried up the path, and there’d been talk as well, because even as a child, Lisa had recognised that her aunt and uncle were not particularly liked by their neighbours.
But she had been forced to send for the doctor, and Dr Chalmers had spoken bluntly