She stopped when he swore under his breath. He turned back to her and the expression on his face made her tremble because it was so ferocious. Her heart turned over because she couldn’t bear it if he refused.
‘It’s her only chance, Adam! If Hannah doesn’t get this bone-marrow transplant then her chances of survival are virtually nil. Please, say that you’ll think about it.’
‘I don’t need to think about it! What kind of a man do you think I am?’ His blue eyes seemed to burn with an inner fire as he glared at her. ‘This is my child we’re talking about—my daughter. I’d give up my life if it would help her!’
‘You mean that you’ll do it? You’ll be tested?’ It was almost too much to take in. She stared at him and saw an expression of intense pain cross his face.
‘Yes. And now I want to see her. I take it that you were going to the hospital to visit Hannah, so I’ll go with you. I’ve got Uncle Jonathan’s car so I’ll drive.’
‘Oh, but…’ she began, not sure that it would be wise to rush into a meeting between the pair that night. Adam needed time to come to terms with what she had told him and she needed to prepare Hannah.
He was halfway down the steps but he stopped. ‘No buts, Beth. I want to see Hannah. I’ve missed the first six years of her life so I think I have the right to do that.’
She couldn’t argue with that and didn’t try because she knew it would be pointless. ‘All right. But I want you to understand that Hannah doesn’t know anything about you. Claire…well, Claire decided that it was better not to tell her in the circumstances.’
‘And you agreed to keep the secret, didn’t you?’ He smiled thinly. ‘You and Claire erased me from Hannah’s life but the situation is going to change from here on, believe me.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘That I intend to make up for all those lost years. Hannah needs a father. She needs me in more ways than you ever realised!’
He turned and ran down the steps and a few seconds later she heard a car starting up. She quickly locked the door and followed him, deeply troubled by what he had said.
He had a right to be angry, a right even to blame her for keeping her promise to Claire, but did he have the right to disrupt Hannah’s life? How would the child feel if she grew fond of him then he upped and left again? Chris had told her that Adam had an aversion to commitment, yet the one thing a child needed was stability. Claire must have known how Adam had felt all those years ago, which was why she had been so loath to tell him about Hannah. Could she really trust him not to break her precious niece’s heart?
She slid into the passenger seat and glanced at Adam as he put the car into gear, felt a little bubble of panic rise to the surface of her mind. Could she trust him not to break her own heart as well?
Now, where had that thought sprung from?
THERE WERE still a lot of parents around when they arrived at the hospital. St Jude’s had an open door policy in its children’s wards and there were few restrictions on visiting times.
Beth called in at least twice a day to see Hannah and would have gone more often if she’d had the time because she loved being with her niece. However, her footsteps slowed as they approached the doors to the ward. Adam hadn’t said a word to her on the drive to the hospital and she needed to know what he intended to do before she introduced him to Hannah.
‘Look, Adam, I know this has been a shock for you but I want you to promise me that you won’t do anything…well, hasty.’
He paused to look at her and she shivered when she caught the full force of his icy stare. ‘What you really mean is that you don’t want me to tell Hannah who I am. Isn’t that right, Beth?’
‘Yes.’ She forced herself to meet his eyes, refusing to dwell on why she felt so guilty. She had made a promise to Claire so she shouldn’t feel bad about not having told him about Hannah sooner. ‘Hannah doesn’t know anything about you. If you go in there and blurt out who you are, you’ll simply confuse her. She’s only six, Adam, and she’s been through a lot in this past year.’
‘And you really think that I don’t understand that?’ He smiled grimly when she shrugged. ‘Obviously not. After all, you know very little about me, do you, Beth? I don’t suppose you cared enough to find out. However, you can stop worrying. I think I have a bit more sensitivity than to announce to a sick child that I’m the father she never knew she had.’
She winced when she heard the anger in his voice. ‘I know this isn’t easy for you, Adam,’ she began but he curtly interrupted her.
‘Spare me the sympathy. Now, are you coming or shall I go and find Hannah by myself?’
He didn’t wait for her to reply as he pushed open the door. Beth led the way, feeling sick with nerves because she still wasn’t sure how he was going to handle this meeting. Hannah had always been shy with strangers and she’d grown even more introverted since her mother had died. Although she seemed to have accepted the nurses and doctors with whom she came into daily contact, Beth knew how quickly the little girl could clam up with someone new. Would Adam understand that and make allowances?
Beth’s nerves felt as taut as violin strings as she led the way to Hannah’s bed. The staff had tried to make the ward as child-friendly as possible by covering the walls with posters and using colourful linen on the beds rather than the regulation hospital white. However, there was no escaping from the fact that the children in there were very sick.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Adam’s head turn as they passed one child after another. Most were hooked up to drips that were pumping potent cocktails of chemicals into their small bodies. All the children in the ward had cancer in one form or another and they were treated with a vast array of drugs.
Some were designed to destroy the cancerous cells, others to protect against infection, always a major concern. Then there were the transfusions of blood and platelets they all needed at regular intervals. It could be a little overwhelming to someone visiting the ward for the first time.
‘All these kids…’ Adam took a deep breath but she could see the pain in his eyes when he looked at her. ‘I never realised that there were so many children suffering like this.’
‘It does come as a shock, even when you work in medicine,’ she agreed softly. She caught sight of Hannah and waved, feeling her nerves tighten that little bit more when she felt Adam stiffen. Without stopping to think, she caught hold of his hand and squeezed it.
‘It will be fine, you’ll see. Just don’t worry if Hannah doesn’t say much to you. She’s very shy at first with strangers.’
He winced at that and Beth could have bitten her tongue for her lack of tact. Letting go of his hand, she quickly went to the child’s bed and bent down to kiss her.
‘Hello, darling. I’m sorry I’m late. It was really busy tonight at the surgery and I got held up.’
She ran her hand lightly over the child’s head, feeling the prickle of stubble under her fingers. Hannah’s hair had fallen out because of the drugs she had been receiving. It would grow again once she had completed her treatment, but Beth still grieved for the loss of the beautiful black curls because they had been a symbol of the fit and healthy child that her niece had been once upon a time.
Now as she turned to Adam and caught the fleeting expression of anguish on his face she knew that he was remembering the photograph she had shown him earlier. What a shock it must be for him to compare that child with the one in the bed. Unconsciously,