He concentrated on the papers in front of him. Was he avoiding her eyes? “It’s all right here in black-and-white.”
The cliché and his casual use of it hurt her. But of course this was just a little business glitch for him. Sensitivity wasn’t called for. Regardless of her feelings for him, to him she was just a commodity called “nanny.”
She’d learned to ignore her feelings for him long ago. He would never see her as anything but an employee.
“Then they’ve obviously made a mistake,” she said.
“I wish that were the case.” For a moment he sounded as if he really meant it, but then he added two simple, yet dismissive words. “It’s not.”
Maggie wrung her hands in her lap. “I was very careful about timing when I signed up for my courses and committed to this position here with Kate. Even without the extension, I should have had at least six weeks before I had to go!”
He shook his head, his cool blue eyes sending a message Maggie couldn’t read. Interest? Her heart pounded. Sympathy? Or was it anger that she had put him in a tight spot?
The paneled walls of his office closed in around her, and the leather-back chair suddenly felt hot and slick against her skin. Maggie had put too much faith in his ability to get her an extension. Somehow the possibility that she would have to leave had never seemed real. Now it seemed her departure was imminent. The house, young Kate, him…How would she ever say goodbye?
“You can see it for yourself.” Alex passed her a document and their fingertips touched for a long moment when she took it. His eyes stayed on her.
It was Maggie who drew away first. She bit her lower lip, fighting the tingle that shot up her arm from his touch. In all the months she’d lived in this house with Alex Harrison, she’d been constantly on edge, as acutely aware of him as he’d seemed unaware of her.
For a second she sensed a change in his awareness, but only for a second.
Alex continued speaking as she read the paper. “I’ve already spoken with your embassy and my attorney. There’s nothing that can be done.” For a fraction of a second he hesitated, as if he were going to say something but changed his mind.
“I could immigrate,” Maggie said without hope.
“My secretary checked into that. The waiting list is long. They are still working on applicants from…” He looked down at the papers on his desk.
“Nine years ago,” Maggie finished dully. She looked at him, this time taking in everything, from the tailored DuBose suit, to the strong chiseled cheekbones and chin, and those unreadable eyes. A trace of dark beard shadowed his jaw and his gleaming dark hair was uncharacteristically ruffled, as though he’d been running his hand through it in that way he did when he was working on an important business deal.
“Nine years,” she repeated. “I know. I’ve spoken with them myself. I just can’t believe I could make this sort of error. My classes don’t end for three weeks.” She stopped, thinking of how close she was to receiving certification from the Maryland Montessori Institute. With that in hand she could get a good teaching job almost anywhere in the world.
Anywhere but the U.K., that is, where the unemployment rate in her village was astronomically high.
Most importantly, there was Kate Harrison to consider. How could Maggie leave Kate in the lurch? She’d spent countless hours studying the delicacy of the child’s heart, and how best to nurture it. Abandonment was not part of the plan. “I promised Kate I’d be here for her birthday in July. I can’t just disappear.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw. “I’m sorry.”
“She’ll feel abandoned. It’s not like she has that many people she can depend on.” And it’s not as if you are going to be much comfort to her, she wanted to add.
In the five months she had been working as a live-in nanny for Kate, she had debated with Alex Harrison more than once about his lack of personal attention to his daughter. If she hadn’t known how coldhearted workaholics like him tended to be about family, she would have thought he was afraid to get close to his daughter.
But Maggie knew better. Work came above all else for him.
“What with her mother gone and you…so busy.” The word tasted like a lie, even though she knew he believed it. “I can’t do this to her. There has to be something I can do. Can’t I apply for another extension?”
He shook his head. “You’ve already had one. It is virtually impossible to get a second, even though you’re employed.” He shrugged, letting her hopes drop like a lead ball. “I’ll have to get Kate a new nanny. Again.”
Maggie felt like he’d slapped her. He was reminding her of her place, whether he meant to or not. She was only an employee, hired to perform a function. For the thousandth time she realized Alex Harrison didn’t see her as a woman. Or as human—with a heart. “Am I so easily replaced?”
His eyes clouded and Maggie instantly regretted the level of emotion in her voice. “Of course Kate will miss you,” he said. “I was simply stating a fact. If you’re leaving, I’ll need to find a replacement.”
“Of course.” What was she hoping for? An eleventh hour claim of love from him? “But let me state a fact of my own. It’s going to be very hard on Kate if we can’t find a better solution.”
Alex sighed. “Maggie, since her mother died a year ago, Kate has had six nannies, none of whom worked out for longer than four weeks. Two of them stole things from the house, one of them nipped at the bottle and three of them couldn’t handle what they called Kate’s ‘temper tantrums’—”
“Cries for help,” Maggie said, interrupting him. This was the side of Alex that she wasn’t so crazy about—the side that refused to see the painful obviousness of his daughter’s emotions. “You can’t expect a five-year-old not to be traumatized by her mother’s death, and to act that trauma out. Then to be shipped off to live with a father she’d barely seen since a divorce when she was two…it must have been tremendously difficult for her.”
“I agree.” Alex tried to keep his tone matter-of-fact, but he couldn’t help the tremor of emotion that crept in. “I hated seeing her go through that, and I hated feeling powerless to help. You are the seventh nanny this year and believe me, the fact that you’ve been here for five months has been a miracle. Kate’s been doing great with you—I did everything in my power to keep you here.”
Maggie didn’t seem to hear him, or at least the last part of what he said. “It took more than a month for her to calm down to one outburst a day. Now she hasn’t had one in months. My leaving and someone new coming in is going to undo all that progress.”
“Possibly. But there are no options.” Alex shrugged, shutting away the powerful feelings of inadequacy his daughter’s situation evoked in him. Feeling bad about it didn’t do anybody any good. “My people have looked into all the possibilities.”
“Then it will be up to you to get Kate through the transition,” she challenged Alex. “I hope you realize that.”
He tensed. How could he help Kate, when she was more afraid of him than anything else? Every time he was in a room with her, she became wary, with eyes darting for the door. When he spoke to her, she looked like a cornered rabbit.
He’d tried. Heaven knew, when he first got Kate back after her mother’s death, he’d been wholly optimistic. He’d been happy for the chance to have his daughter back, close to him. But it hadn’t taken long to see that Kate hadn’t thought of him nearly as much as he’d thought of her. And she clearly didn’t want to be in his house. She said it every night for three months: I want to go home. I don’t like you.
Maggie wouldn’t believe that, of course. She’d never understand. With her, Kate was the sweetest, gentlest