Anything? Avoid Mac as much as possible? After they’d shared kisses that had tricked her alter ego into sneaking out and letting her hair down—literally. And into having the most amazing time with a man she’d ever experienced, and that was without sex.
Her shoulders slumped. Mac had walked away when they stood outside her hotel room, key at the ready, leaving her wondering what had caused his abrupt change of mind when his desire for her had been plenty evident. A part of her had been relieved. Everything had happened so fast, those kisses so explosive, she hadn’t had a moment to consider the consequences. Not least what he’d think after seeing her naked.
But since then there’d been no putting alter ego back in the box. It was up and fighting. Instead of her usual placatory persona being in charge there’d been nudges and changes going on inside that messed with her mind.
Working in Suva had given her time to take a long look at herself. Getting away from Mac and his inscrutable face after Sydney had been a priority. It had been as though he regretted their night of dancing and kissing. Which hurt bad. She hadn’t been able to forget one touch, one kiss. Nor the gut-twisting moment he’d walked away from her outside her hotel room when she’d believed they were heading inside to the king-sized bed. That should’ve shut down all these hot, needy sensations that slammed through her whenever he came close. Should’ve. Didn’t.
Might explain why she found it hard to return to being the woman who played safe in order to keep people on side so they couldn’t find anything to pick at her about. It hadn’t been about that with Mac and yet she’d still been rejected. So why wasn’t she angry with him? Ignoring him? Why the heat and need for him?
In Fiji she’d figured it was time to dump the past. To stand tall and stare down anyone not accepting her as she was. To stop feeling sorry for herself and start taking some risks, get hurt maybe, loved, but most of all live. Had that night with Mac brought this on? Or was it because he’d shown her something she wanted? Excitement and maybe something more, something deeper?
Despite her new approach to life—still in training—Tamara’s insane suggestion had blindsided her.
Ask Mac to partner you to Billy’s wedding.
If only she could, and feel blasé about it. What if he laughed at her? Made her feel small? On the inside only; she’d never been small physically. ‘Elephant, elephant.’ Those taunts had returned with a vengeance after Steve did his number on her.
So much for looking life in the eye, Kelli.
‘You okay?’ the man wrecking her new purpose asked.
She stared at him. ‘I guess.’ Her belly tightened painfully while her heart went on a rampage, beating up a storm behind her ribs. Mac was sexier than she’d remembered. How did that work? That chest stretching the top of his scrubs turned her toes upward, and made her fingers itch to slip across the expanse of warm skin covering it. That was how.
She raised her eyes to his inscrutable face, despair trickling out on a sigh. He was better looking than her brain had allowed. Definitely sexier now she’d felt his strength under her palms. A lot more serious too, if that was possible. Selective memories here. She should be thinking only of watching him walk away from her that night and the twinge of relief that nudged her, nothing else. But some things were downright impossible.
Her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth as moisture dried up.
I can do this. I can do this. I have to do this.
The next phase of her career was going to be an absolute blast. ‘Right, we’d better get on with the show. Any changes in staff since I’ve been away?’ Apart from the nurse she was now filling in for, that was.
‘Michael’s swapped to our shift, having decided day shift without Conor around wasn’t so much fun,’ Mac told her as they began walking towards the hub of the department. ‘Otherwise all’s normal.’
‘Cool. I like working with Michael.’ Kelli looked around at the familiar territory, and tried to feel at home again. But it was impossible when Mac was within reaching distance. The Mac she’d got close to, not the Mac she’d wondered what it would be like to make love to. There was a difference between wondering and knowing. A huge, belly-tightening, heart-shaking difference, and she didn’t have the answer. Her fingertips tingled with memories of him; warm skin, rippling muscles. And that was only his back, his arms. She gasped.
Stop it.
So much for putting that night behind her and getting on with her life. Kisses had never wrecked such havoc on her equilibrium before.
‘Everyone likes working with Michael,’ growled Mac.
Her head flipped up. Jealous? But the burnished green eyes that met hers said no, instead warning she was not special around here. Definitely not special to him. Anywhere. ‘I’m sure they do,’ she muttered as something sharp lanced her heart. ‘How did my swap from Fiji work out?’
Relief filled those thoughtful eyes. ‘She was overwhelmed for the first few days but once she got the hang of the continuous stream of patients she found her stride. Talk about soaking up knowledge faster than a sponge takes in water. She thrived, and didn’t want to go home at the end of her stint.’
‘I can understand that.’ Perhaps she could swap permanently with the Fijian nurse.
‘You didn’t want to come back to Auckland?’ Mac asked, his voice now grave. ‘Or to ED and working on night shift?’ He mightn’t have asked ‘Or working with me?’ but the question hung between them.
She avoided the hot topic. Hot? She was standing by Mac, right? Scorching. ‘Bit hard to give up those beaches and the warm water and return to Auckland in autumn.’
Did you miss me at all while I was away, Mac?
‘Talked to Tamara lately?’ he asked. Guess that meant no.
‘Less than an hour ago.’ The friend whose wedding had started the inferno between her and Mac. ‘She’s sick of being pregnant, says her belly feels like it will pop open any minute.’ She’d been full of unwanted advice.
‘Conor told me she’s as restless as a hive of bees.’
Definitely not going to talk about themselves. She could run with that. Safer, if not sad considering how well they got on in Sydney. I missed you so much it kept me awake most nights, Mac. But playing safe was her way and she’d grab this with both hands. Best way to put the whole caboodle behind her.
Then the phone in her pocket vibrated with an incoming text. Probably her mother, in which case she’d not even look, definitely wouldn’t answer. She was not going to the wedding with Jason; nice, successful, upright citizen that he was. Today was Monday. She had until lift-off on Friday to find someone to go with her.
Ask Mac to partner you to the wedding.
Go away, Tam. Go away. He wouldn’t want to attend a wedding where he knew no one but her.
You both only knew the bride and groom at my wedding.
Yeah, well, that was different. It had been small, and while Conor’s Irish family were full on, they’d been convivial, not loaded with awkward questions about her and Mac. Unlike her mother if Mac partnered her to Billy’s.
‘Hey, Kelli, welcome back.’ Stephanie, the head nurse on night shift, appeared before her, a genuine friendly smile lighting up her face. ‘Great to have you working with us.’
Now that was a better welcome. ‘Glad to be here.’ Put some effort into it. ‘Truly.’ If not for working alongside Mac, that was. ‘I’ll have all those mornings to do other things.’