“Why shouldn’t I? You blamed me for something I didn’t do.” He didn’t like how she made him feel, as if he were responsible for the man-chasing rodeo groupies. A niggling doubt sprang into his mind, and while he couldn’t accept it, he found himself asking, “Is that why you stayed with me that night? To see if you could snap me up?”
Her eyes widened. “Do you really believe I’d do that just to see if I could succeed where others had failed?”
He shrugged, his shoulders stiff.
“If you have to ask, it means you don’t know me at all,” she said.
“That’s the problem, Kel. I’m only now finding out I didn’t know you at all.”
Kelly shot him an exasperated look. “How can you say that?”
“Why did you do it, then? Were you using me to make someone else jealous?”
She stared at him a long time, and when he didn’t think he could stand the pain in her eyes any longer, she whispered, “No.”
Relief surged through him. He leaned his elbows on the table, admitting to himself that why she’d gone to his bed didn’t really matter now. It was in the past. His personal history had taught him to let go of things he couldn’t change, but he couldn’t easily dismiss what she had done.
James took a drink of coffee and remembered something she’d said. “You mentioned the rodeo a while ago. I know you’ve never really cared much for that part of my life. Did that have anything to do—”
“No. I didn’t used to like you to compete because of the risks you took. You could have been injured or worse.”
He didn’t plan to tell her an injury is what had made him quit. “I don’t have time for much of anything except the clinic now.”
“James, I know you’re really mad at me, but I’d like you to do me a favor. I was talking about priorities and whether you’d be able to make a commitment to Will. I’d like you to think about that and then answer it. Not for me, but for yourself. Answer it truthfully. Regardless of what you think, I didn’t come back to take potshots at you. Nothing would make me happier than to discover I’d misjudged you.”
She was right. The admission was like a burr under his saddle. She had based her decisions on what was best for Will, and he needed to do the same, but it was damned hard whenever Kelly was close at hand. He reacted to her nearness even while clinging to his hurt pride.
Her mentioning his need to avoid commitment opened old wounds he hadn’t allowed himself to think about for years. Although hidden deep inside, they were still raw and hurting even after all this time.
James swallowed past the ache that threatened to choke him. “You were wrong about me, about everything. I can be a good father. In fact, I intend to prove it now.”
James walked from the barn, still stinging from his conversation with Kelly earlier that morning. He heard the rattle of her truck as it bounced over the ruts in his drive. By the time he had made it to the front of the house, she was lifting Will from his car seat. “Did you find an apartment for the summer?” he called.
“Nothing I’d consider,” Kelly said, pushing back several strands of hair that had worked loose from her braid and blown across her face. “Since I’m still paying rent to keep my apartment in College Station I can’t afford much. There are plenty of cheap places if I want to live with roaches or rats. I’m kind of strange about sharing my living space.”
He caught the diaper bag from the back of her truck and, ignoring Kelly’s protests, lifted Will from her arms. “Here, let me help. You look as if you’re about to fall down. You should have let me go with you.”
She turned to look at him. “As you pointed out earlier, you have work to do, and I’m not helpless.”
He noticed again the shadows beneath her eyes and wished he’d kept his mouth shut about the chores he had to do. Yeah, he had a schedule to keep, but his refusal to accompany her had come more from the blow to his pride. He still couldn’t believe she thought he would have turned his back on his son.
Knowing she hadn’t needed him was hard to accept. But she had always been self-sufficient to the point of needing no one, something that used to bother him. It still did.
“Of all people you should know I don’t think you’re helpless, but little Will here is a chunk,” he said. “I’m here now, so let me help.”
“Okay,” she said, turning away, but not before he saw the worry and something that resembled remorse in her eyes. He shouldn’t want to comfort her, but he did. And that aggravated him almost as much as the realization that he hadn’t known her the way he’d once thought he had. But then, she’d always been content to sit and listen to him. He doubted there was anything about him she didn’t know. Only now did he realize she’d seldom talked about herself. The things he did know about her, he’d learned from years of observation.
“If I’m supposed to bond with Will, it makes sense for you both to stay here with me,” he said. “After all, it’s only for the summer.”
That statement earned him a frown from her. He didn’t care whether she liked it or not. He had every intention of spending time with his son, no matter what she wanted.
Kelly climbed the steps to his porch, her feet dragging. “You know I can’t do that.”
“Why?” James followed her, trying not to notice the gentle sway of her jean-clad hips. He opened the screen door and held it while she stepped inside, then cursed himself for watching her cross the room.
About the time sweat began to pop out on his forehead, she turned back to face him. “You don’t need us underfoot all the time. You know I’d drive you crazy.”
She had a point. She was driving him crazy now—he was insane with a need for her, a need to kiss that mouth.
He watched her, noticing she avoided looking him in the eye. “Bull. I tolerated you just fine before.”
“That was at work. You’re not used to having extra people around your house. I think it’s best—”
“Best? For who? You?”
“For Will, of course. Everything I do is for him.”
“I hope you’re buying that lame excuse, Kel, because I’m sure not.”
He knew why she didn’t want to stay, and it had nothing at all to do with inconveniencing him. She obviously didn’t think he’d be a good example for the boy. A sudden feeling of inadequacy filled him, replaced in an instant with anger that had been smoldering, barely under control, since that morning. “You’re using all these convenient excuses same as when you made your decision not to tell me about Will.”
His tone made Will pucker up to cry.
“Aw, hell,” James muttered.
Kelly shot James a dirty look as she took Will and lifted him to her shoulder. She calmed the child with quiet words and loving pats on his back that distracted James.
When the boy had stopped crying, Kelly squared off across from James. “What did you mean excuses?”
“Come off it, Kel. You know exactly what I meant. You think I’ll have him chewing tobacco and chasing women by the time he’s three.” James kept his voice low, but didn’t know how he’d managed it, because his insides churned.
Her eyes blazed as she stared at him. “I think I’d better leave. This isn’t getting us anywhere. If it’s all right with you, I’d like to keep Matilda here until I can find a place to board her. I’ve got some feed in the trailer, but will pay you—”
James