Until now—and he couldn’t be allowed to tell her now. Not when she was so weak. Would he understand?
She stole a glance at Matt, sitting there, his hand still in Esther’s hand, his expression brooding, but the surprise had vanished already. At least he’d caught on. This was no time to dump the truth on Grandma, and he seemed to understand that. Her shoulders slumped in relief, even as she realized that her omission of truth was now digging them an even deeper hole.
Esther snorted. “Nobody’s ever ready for marriage. Even when they think they are, they aren’t.”
“We’re nowhere close to ready, Grandma. Neither of us is,” Jo said, her voice clipped. She strove to add warmth to it—she didn’t want Grandma to catch on to the truth after all. “Not now. Who knows what will happen later on.” She almost grinned to herself as she caught Matt’s surprised glance. If they really still were together, and in this predicament, she could just picture the panicked look on his face at hearing her voice the possibility of marriage.
She’d already been dreaming about forever-after, but she very much doubted he had. The closest he’d come to articulating feelings for her had been burrowing up to her, half-asleep, muttering that it was impossible to get close enough. It had warmed her heart at the time, making it leap in hope as she whispered “I love you” soundlessly against his skin, making sure he wouldn’t hear it. Not yet. She’d never felt secure enough to say the words—not when he never came close to mentioning love himself.
And he never had.
“But it’s so obvious that you two are in love,” Esther said. She grinned, a teasing look on her face as she looked at Matt. “It’s been obvious since that day just before Christmas when my granddaughter dropped by one evening, walking two feet above the ground with her skates around her neck and smiling so widely I worried that her face would split.”
“Grandma…” Embarrassed, Joanna fiddled with her hair. A few weeks ago it had been long enough to provide a much-needed shelter to hide behind when she was blushing. But not anymore—three inches just wouldn’t do. “Don’t bring that up now…”
Grandma winked at Matt. “Could that have been a first-kiss day?”
Matt chuckled. Joanna heard the sound, and could imagine the grin that went with it. The grin that would have gone with it, she corrected herself, if theirs was still the relationship her grandmother thought it was. She didn’t want to think about their first kiss, and she was sure Matt didn’t want to either. She stole a look at him, and saw a faint smile as he held Esther’s hand. She took a deep breath. All she could do was pray Matt understood and would continue to keep up the act, at least until Esther was better. She wouldn’t risk her grandmother’s health on heartbreak.
Her grandmother’s face sobered, and her thin hand tightened around Matt’s. “Matthew, I don’t have much time. I honestly don’t think it’ll be more than a few days now.”
“Don’t say that,” Joanna chided her grandmother gently. “You’re not going anywhere. We need you on our side for a while yet.”
Grandma squeezed her hand. “I’m ready for the other side, love. But I don’t want to leave you unless I know you’re in good hands.” She released Jo’s hand and enveloped Matt’s hand with both of hers. “Matthew, you were always a good boy, and you’ve grown into a fine man. Will you promise me that you will always look after my Joanna?”
Matt glanced up at Joanna, his expression unreadable. His gaze fell back on the frail old woman in the bed, and his smile was soft and gentle. His words were smooth, without hesitation, and they sliced Jo’s heart. “I promise, Esther. I will look after Joanna the best I can.”
Esther’s sigh was wheezing. “It will have to be good enough, I suppose.”
Joanna didn’t speak as they left the room, just gestured for Matt to follow her to the kitchen to be sure they were out of her grandmother’s hearing range. The old lady had intended to take a nap, but it wouldn’t hurt to be on the safe side.
She walked into the kitchen, intending to sit down at the kitchen table, but felt too high-strung to stay in one place. She stood instead, motioning for Matt to sit down, but he declined, leaning against the kitchen counter instead, his arms crossed on his chest. He looked intimidating; his eyes boring into hers whenever she dared meet them. She gave a deep sigh. He wanted an explanation. And she owed him one. Or two. Or three.
Or did she? This was just as much his fault as it was hers. He was the one responsible for their breakup and if he’d visited his godmother more often, he could have been the one to tell her. Why should it have to be her responsibility when nothing of this whole mess was her fault?
“I suppose you have some sort of an explanation for this?”
Joanna rubbed her forehead, feeling exhausted. Too exhausted for a showdown. “Does it matter? I didn’t know what she had in mind. I never dreamed she’d try to push us to get married.”
“You know I’m not talking about that…marriage proposal.” Matt shook his head. He got his laptop from his briefcase, plugged it in and connected it to the phone line as he spoke. Joanna felt a melancholy smile of exasperation tug at her lips. This too was familiar, the way Matt could work while he talked, while he ate, while he watched television. It didn’t matter what he was doing, he could always give some portion of his attention to his work. It could be very irritating, but she’d been working on reforming him. One way she’d always managed to grab all his attention was by…
No. She bit her tongue hard and pinched her own arm for good measure. Compost heap again. Things sure seemed to ferment there.
“Let me summarize,” Matt said, his voice dry. “Esther still thinks we’re madly in love, and is ecstatic at the thought of her two favorite people having found each other.”
Jo gritted her teeth, unsure if what she was feeling was fury or fear. Madly in love? Was that just a sarcastic choice of phrase, or had he known about her feelings all along? “I know. I know, Matt, there’s no need to rub it in.”
And now it had gotten her in trouble. Matt in trouble. Both of them.
“You could at least have warned me,” Matt said, still doing that infuriating trick of dividing his attention between her and his laptop. “You should have warned me that she didn’t know. I nearly gave it away.”
“Yes. I should have.” Joanna paused, at a loss to explain why she hadn’t done that, why she’d postponed telling Matt the truth until it was too late. “I guess I hoped the subject wouldn’t even come up.”
And look where it had got her. Her grandmother had proposed to Matt on her behalf.
Matt’s laugh was short and harsh. His feelings were betrayed by the way he slammed the laptop shut. “I would say it did come up.”
Joanna shook her head. “I would never have guessed she’d do that.” She sighed, suddenly furious with herself. “I know it was cowardly of me, but I just couldn’t tell her. At first I just wanted to wait until…” she broke off. There was no need to let Matt know precisely how crushed she’d been after their breakup, how the merest mention of his name had been enough to threaten tears flowing. “When her health declined, I didn’t want to add to her worries. She adores you. She was so happy thinking we were seeing each other, and somehow it was never quite the right time to tell her.”
She sighed, leaning her head against the wall, still not looking at Matt. “I couldn’t bear to tell her, not even this afternoon when she demanded that I call you. I don’t regret that—I’d rather pretend we’re together than take any risks with Grandma’s health. But I should have warned you—I’m sorry that I didn’t.”
Matt didn’t reply. When she finally looked at him, he was staring out the window into the darkened garden, his brow heavy, lips tight. “You should have called me before. I had no idea she was so ill.”
“She’s getting on