“I’m not sure at the moment. Rusty wasn’t interested in being a father or in settling down so he moved on.” She shook her head slightly, dismayed by her own circumstances. “He’s on the rodeo circuit.” She gave a soft, disbelieving chuckle. “I thought that sounded romantic once. I thought it was a traditional kind of profession. You know, handed down from father to son, cowboy to cowboy, through the generations.”
She sucked in a harsh breath. “Boy, was I wrong.” Her hands twisted in her lap, her fingers tightening on each other. “I also thought I was in love.” Her voice softened, but the tension in her coiled like a steel spring, making her features look stark and pale. “Maybe I was in love with the idea of love. I naively followed him to a few rodeos. We were headed to Amarillo when I discovered I was pregnant. That’s how I ended up in Desert Springs.”
“He just left you here?” Cole asked, his blood pressure spiking with disbelief.
Elise nodded. “Without a cent or a way to—”
She stopped herself and her lashes shuttered her eyes, hiding her emotions from Cole. A bright red hue stole up her neck and deepened the color on her cheeks.
His hands curled into fists. How could a man do that? How could a man live with himself after walking away from the woman who carried his child?
He remembered the day Paula had told him they were going to have a baby. It seemed so long ago and yet it was as clear to him as the west Texas sky. Paula had been furious, angry…at him. But he’d been ecstatic, elated, joyous. He’d never known such euphoria. He’d wanted to shout from the nearest mountain top…er, plateau. He’d felt like the king of the world. Wanting to share the special moment with his wife, he’d tried to wrap his arms around her in a celebratory hug, but Paula had jerked away and thrown a vase at him.
Suddenly he felt a bond with Elise, one he’d never felt with his ex-wife. Elise had been rejected, as he had, as his daughter had. For some strange reason, he wanted to reassure her, to promise everything would be all right for her and her unborn child. But he resisted. He didn’t know the whole story. Frankly, he didn’t know what to do.
Still stunned that a man would behave in such a manner, he asked, “This Rusty fellow left you after you told him you were going to have his baby?”
“Yes. It became painfully apparent that he wasn’t the man I’d thought he was.” The quaver in her voice made Cole’s gut clench with anger. “When he started to pack his bags, I didn’t argue with him or try to stop him.” She combed her fingers through her hair and sniffed daintily as if trying to forget the pain and the rejection she’d suffered. Then she lifted her chin, and her eyes burned with an inner fire of strength. “I let him go. I didn’t want a man who didn’t want me or my child. I wasn’t going to grovel and beg.”
He admired her convictions, her pride. But why was she turning to him? To a stranger for a husband? He sensed there was more to her story, more that she was leaving out.
“Don’t you have family to turn to? Who can help you out?” he asked. Maybe her parents wouldn’t approve of her being an unwed mother. Or maybe she was simply too embarrassed to return home.
Her chin jutted out once again. “I don’t need anyone’s help. I’m perfectly capable of caring for myself and my baby.”
“But, then, why marry me?” he prodded. “Why would you want a loveless marriage?”
Her solid stare gave him a glimpse into her soul, a glimpse into dark and troubled waters. Part of him wanted to turn away. But another part of him, a nobler part, wanted to go to her.
“I wasn’t out husband-hunting. In fact, I’d accepted the fact that I was going to be a single mom. Then I met you. Your reasons for wanting a wife made me start thinking. I want a family for my baby,” she said, honesty ringing clearly in her voice. “I don’t want my baby to grow up like—”
She broke off and glanced away. Her throat worked up and down for a moment as she wrestled with an inner demon. Cole had an urge to touch her, to comfort and console, but he resisted, not understanding the sudden need inside himself, and definitely not wanting any part of it.
When Elise had suppressed her out-of-control emotions, she added, “I want my baby to have both a mother and a father. A real home. Much like yourself, the way you want two parents for Haley.”
Her gaze shifted away from Cole, from his intense stare that seemed to see right through her. She looked out the window. The peaceful quality she’d felt while driving onto his ranch had long since disappeared. Her nerves stretched tight as if they might snap at any moment. She knew Cole was the reason. She sensed his disapproval, his resistance. More than that, she realized she wanted this—his family, this home and Cole—more than anything. For her baby, of course.
She drew her bottom lip between her teeth. “I want my child to have a place to call his or her own. Roots that will help him or her to grow strong, confident and secure.”
Her insides quaked. Had she said too much, revealed too much? She felt as vulnerable as if she stood before Cole naked, bare to his inspection, for him to see her flaws, mistakes, regrets and all. For him to judge her worthy or not.
“I see,” he said after a lengthy, awkward pause.
“And you think I’d be a good father?”
“Yes,” she said, meeting his gaze directly. Of that she felt certain. Her voice remained solid, without wavering, without doubts. Not that it made any sense, but she’d seen that special glow in his eyes when he’d spoken of his daughter. She’d heard his friends and neighbors talk about him with respect. But mostly because he’d do anything for his daughter’s sake, including marrying a woman he didn’t love. She understood that kind of sacrificial love. It was rare. And precious.
“How do you know? You haven’t seen me with Haley.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I might be a horrible father. For her. For your baby.”
Her breath caught in her throat. She knew what he was really saying. She felt as if she was on a roller coaster zooming down the last steep decline. “A horrible father wouldn’t worry if his daughter was happy or not. Wouldn’t set aside his ego, pride and desire to stay single when he realized his daughter needed a mother, too.” She took a shaky breath. “If you were a horrible father, then you wouldn’t have beamed when you spoke of your daughter.”
A tremor started in her chest and spread to her limbs. She understood the doubts he’d expressed weren’t about his ability to father, but about her ability to mother. She couldn’t prove herself to him. Just like she hadn’t been able to prove to the couples looking to adopt that she’d be a perfect match for their family. Feeling a sudden weight press against her chest, she grabbed her purse and stood, making the chair clatter behind her.
“Obviously you’re not interested in marrying me.” Anger and humiliation warred inside her. “I understand. Adding another child to the equation wasn’t in your plans. So I thank you for your time, Cole. I’ll be seeing you around town.”
Forcing herself to walk and not run, she headed out of his house…away from the life she’d always dreamed of.
Dumbfounded, Cole watched her leave, unable to sort through his jumbled thoughts and form a response. Her words punched a hole through his doubts. He hoped he was a good father. He wanted to be. For Haley’s sake. God, he’d tried. But he feared he would fail, as he’d failed in his marriage.
Elise had misunderstood him. He’d never thought of himself as a candidate for Father of the Year. He simply did what was necessary for his daughter, what he thought was best. Sometimes he’d been wrong. But in this case, in deciding to find Haley a mother, he knew as sure as lightning followed thunder that he’d made the right decision.
But was Elise the right woman for their family?
One thing he knew for certain—he wasn’t ready