She leaped to her feet, shoved the memory away and collapsed onto the sofa. Gathering her dogs into her arms, she felt as if her world had just collapsed. The monster under the bed now controlled her and she was the only one who could turn on the light and reveal the secret she’d kept hidden in her heart.
Beau wanted her to ask him to stay. She saw it in his eyes—that’s how well she knew him, and she’d wanted to. But she didn’t have anything to offer him, except friendship.
Sometimes late at night when she wished his arms were around her, she’d wondered how long she’d have him. How long would they be friends before he’d want more? He was a man, after all. She’d seen him go out on dates and though it broke her heart she never did anything to stop it. Just like she’d do nothing to stop him leaving.
A tear trickled out of the corner of her eye, then another followed. She tasted the saltiness on her lips and the dogs whined at her distress. Freckles slinked along the back of the sofa and rested on her shoulder. She stroked them so they’d know she was okay.
But she wasn’t.
Beau had said that she had more energy than anyone he knew. She had to keep going, doing until she exhausted herself. That way her mind was too tired to dream dreams she shouldn’t—like having a husband and a family. She’d had the fairy tale. Now she lived with the nightmare.
She would never marry again, but she would always love Beau. How she wished she could tell him that and share her secret. Allen was the only one who knew. Not even her parents had known what had happened in her marriage. It was her own personal pain.
Beau was leaving.
More tears followed and she didn’t bother to brush them away. She needed to cry, to cleanse away the heartache and to find the strength to say goodbye to Beau.
That night as she lay in bed her arms ached to hold him, to see the warmth in his eyes, feel his body against hers and to fulfill a need in her that she’d been denying for a long time. She wanted Beau in all the ways a woman wanted a man she loved.
Tell him.
The silence mingled with the darkness and the fear in her was very real, holding her back. Turning the light on wouldn’t help. She’d still be the same person, a person no one could love.
Living without Beau was better than living with his rejection, which inevitably would come. Tomorrow she’d be better. Tomorrow she’d be busy with Delia and the baby. Tomorrow she would find the strength to face a future without Beau.
CHAPTER FOUR
TOSSING AND TURNING, Beau had a restless night. Toward dawn he gave up the struggle, showered and dressed. Today was the beginning of a new Beau—a new life. He wasn’t pining for Macy anymore. The pain of her rejection was still very raw, but he’d survive.
He had several things he wanted to do today. First, he intended to buy a baseball glove for Ben, drive out to the farm, and teach him how to use it. He would enjoy that as much as Ben. Second, he planned to talk to his mother again and try to make her understand that the McCain family was strong and stable.
As he backed out of his drive, he didn’t see a light in Macy’s condo. She’d probably already left for the hospital. He knew she’d have a constant vigil there and wear herself out completely. He grimaced at his thoughts. Rule number one—he had to stop thinking and worrying about Macy. Rule number two—same as above.
He checked in at his office, then headed for a sporting goods store.
MACY SLEPT VERY LITTLE. As the sun crept through the clouds, she was jogging through the neighborhood breathing in the early morning breeze. At fifty degrees the air was fresh and invigorating. The oaks, elms and ash trees stood stiffly from the brunt of winter, but renewed energy filled the atmosphere with the inviting taste of spring. The stiffness would give way to a burst of new life, color and growth.
As uplifting as the outdoors was, it couldn’t stop her thoughts. She cursed herself for being a coward and not telling Beau the truth. In not doing so she’d hurt him and that kept her in turmoil. But she’d done the right thing. Letting Beau go was best for him. Now she had to make herself believe that.
When she returned to the condo, she got ready to go to the hospital. She was eager to see Delia and the baby. The phone rang just as she grabbed her purse. It was the lady at the animal shelter—they had a dog that needed help. She quickly made the trip to the shelter.
“Hi, Judy,” she said, walking into the building that always smelled of disinfectant. Barking dogs could be heard from the back.
“Macy.” Judy stood at a counter writing something in a notebook, her features marked with sadness. “I was just fixing to call you.”
“Why?”
“The dog died about five minutes ago.”
“Oh.” Her expression crumbled and a tear slipped from her eye. “What happened?”
“Two neighbors were arguing over the dog. He kept getting into the neighbor’s yard; digging in the flowerbeds and making a mess. The neighbor repeatedly told the owner to keep the dog in his own yard. But the owner didn’t comply. The neighbor caught the dog digging again and he kicked him into the fence, injuring him. The dog was lifeless, so he called us. When we phoned the owner, he said we could keep him. Nice, huh?”
Macy only nodded.
“A report has been filed with the police department, but other than that there’s nothing we can do. The vet said his internal injuries were too severe. I’m sorry.”
Macy nodded again, her vocal cords locked.
“Thank you, Macy, for caring so much. I knew if the dog had a chance, it would be with you.”
She turned toward the door.
“Macy.”
She looked back.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes.” She found her voice. “I’m fine, but sometimes this kind of cruelty gets to me. I’ll talk to you later.”
In her car, the tears flowed freely and she made no effort to stop them. After a moment she gained control. She was stronger than this. She had to be. And it was tomorrow—a new beginning with Delia and her baby.
Her mind set, her resolve strong, she drove to the hospital anxious to see how her sister and niece were doing. The hospital administrator and Macy’s supervisor were in the office next to the nursery. Macy wondered what was going on. As she reached for scrubs to go into the nursery her supervisor, Harriet, called to her.
“Macy, may I speak with you, please?”
Macy followed her into the office and shook hands with Mike Goodman, the administrator. “We have a problem,” he said.
She immediately thought the tests had come back and something was seriously wrong with Zoë. A feeling of déjà vu came over her. She braced herself for what she knew was coming.
Mike handed her a note. “The night nurse found this on your sister’s bed this morning.”
She stared down at the paper in her hand. Scribbled in large letters was: Macy, I can’t do this. I can’t deal with a sick baby. Take care of Zoë. Delia
Trying to calm her erratic pulse, she took a deep breath. Delia had left—without her baby. Macy hadn’t expected this, but then Delia had been acting strange since she’d showed up on the doorstep. Had she planned this all along? Or had fear gotten the best of her? Macy experienced a moment of anger and sadness.
“We’ve contacted Child Protective Services,” Harriet said. “It’s standard procedure when a baby is abandoned. You know that.”
A deep sense of unease filled her. If