“I’m fine.” Finally, she opened her eyes. They were a clear, vivid green now, devoid of any fear or apprehension. “I’m hungry.”
“Of course, you’d be hungry,” he said, relaxing a little. “I’ll make you some soup.”
“Not too spicy,” she said in a raw whisper. “I’m breast-feeding.”
“Right.” He nodded, grinned. “I read in the baby book all about colic and late-night crying bouts. And that’s just the baby.”
She managed a weak smile. “Very funny.”
“That’s better,” Jared told her, hoping to keep her cheered up. He’d also read about postpartum blues in the book. Maybe that was why Alisha had had such a vivid nightmare. New mothers were as protective as she-cats, he imagined. And no wonder, after all the hormonal changes and the nurturing feelings pregnancy brought out. Who knew women went through so much to have children? He’d gained a healthy respect for motherhood just from reading the how-to book. And felt a pang of regret that he’d never found the right woman to spend his life with, to make a family with. He’d come close with Meredith, but somehow Jared couldn’t picture sophisticated, worldly Meredith Reynolds as a mother.
Hearing a little whimper from the bassinet, Jared forgot his own regrets and grinned again. “I think Callum might be hungry, too.”
“Oh, hand him to me.” Alisha struggled to a sitting position. “He probably needs changing. There’s some disposable newborn diapers in the closet. A gift from one of the villagers. I plan on using cloth diapers, but those will do for now.”
“Those will come in handy.” Jared reached into the bassinet and carefully lifted the tiny baby out. “Hello there, little fellow. Want to see your mommy?”
Callum smacked his little lips and proceeded to wail even louder.
“I take that as a yes,” Jared said as he brought the baby over to Alisha. “Here you go.” After he’d made sure she had a good grip and was safely settled in, he found the diapers and some wet wipes in the closet and brought both to the bed. “I’ll go find you something to eat, so you can have some privacy. Call if you need anything.”
“I will,” Alisha said, her gaze on her baby. “And Jared?”
He turned at the door, the sight of mother and child taking his breath away. “Hmm?”
“Thank you.”
He nodded, his throat locked up with some emotion he couldn’t identify. It felt both unfamiliar and painful all at the same time. “I’ll go get that soup started.”
Alisha couldn’t stop staring at her baby. He was so pretty, so perfect, so beautiful. A fierce, all-consuming need to love and protect him coursed through her tired body, giving her a new determination and a new surge of energy. That’s why she’d requested some food, even though she wasn’t sure if she could actually eat. She had to be strong for her baby. And that meant taking care of herself. Her nightmare had brought that back full force.
“Mommy is going to take good care of you, too,” she said as she moved a hand over his little arm down to his fingers. The tiny fingers sprang to life at her touch, automatically reaching out to grasp the warmth of her hand. “I love you,” she told the baby. “I know you can’t understand that concept right now, but I love you so very much. Everything I did, everything I had to do, was for you.” She watched his face, seeing shades of his father’s image in the shape of his tiny jaw, in the slant of his eyes. That image brought her both pain and longing. “Things will be different for us, Callum. I promise.”
Things had to be different for them now. They were safe and protected here on Dover Mountain. Secure and isolated, just the way she wanted it. She wouldn’t let dark dreams or unnecessary fears worry her now.
But what about Jared Murdock? a voice in her head shouted. He knows you now. He knows you and Callum.
I have to trust him, Alisha thought, clinging to that one hope. But she needed to be careful, very careful. She was so thankful that Jared had shown up and helped her with this birth. Thankful but wary. Wary, but when she thought about what could have happened if he hadn’t been here last night, Alisha couldn’t help but be grateful.
God had sent Jared for a reason. Alisha didn’t want to question that, but worry and fear pushed at her resolve to be grateful and accept the gift of Jared’s help.
“He won’t be here long,” she whispered in Callum’s ear. “He’ll be long gone soon and he’ll forget all about us, won’t he, little boy?”
Then we can get on with our life together, at last.
Jared would never forget the sight of Alisha holding her baby. As he watched the chicken noodle soup he’d found in an overhead cabinet coming to a boil, he accepted and recognized the foreign feelings that had clogged his throat and left him unable to speak.
Those feelings were regret and loneliness. He regretted that he didn’t have a family to love. He longed for something, someone to make this sorrow in his soul go away. A sorrow he’d only just realized existed underneath his quiet, determined work ethics. A sorrow that had only magnified after his beloved grandfather’s death and Meredith’s betrayal.
All this time, he’d thought he was doing the right thing, working hard day and night. He’d had relationships with women, but they’d been shallow and one-sided, mostly for companionship and show. The last one had ended badly, very badly. He’d almost married Meredith, though. He could have settled down with her, even if he wasn’t so sure he really loved her. But Meredith hadn’t loved him enough and she’d told him that, along with a few other revelations. Jared was still reeling from those revelations and from his partner’s betrayal. Maybe that was why he was feeling so…confused.
Up until this moment, Jared had never needed anything long-term and lasting. He’d always had his work, and he’d had his quiet time with his grandfather. In his mind, he’d pictured a marriage with the woman he thought he was compatible with, but there was no hurry, no urgency. Now even that hope was gone.
Why now, Lord?
Why did he have to wish for things he’d never needed before when his whole world was falling apart around him?
Maybe because his whole world was falling apart? Maybe because he had nothing left to lose, even though he could quite possibly lose so much?
“If I don’t have my work, I have nothing,” he said out loud. Nothing. It was a somber, sobering realization. Nothing but a big pile of old money and even older properties, and a big house that he rarely stayed in since he had a penthouse in the city, things left to him by his wealthy grandfather.
Things. A legacy that he should be proud of. A legacy that had helped him start his own business right out of college. And now, even when that business that he was no longer a part of was being threatened by his partner’s reckless decisions, Jared knew he’d bounce back. He’d walked away from the partnership a very rich man, in spite of Mack’s bold, risky ventures. But selling out hadn’t been about the money. It had been about his pride, plain and simple. Jared had old money to fall back on. But that was all he had now.
He’d told himself getting out while he was ahead was a good thing. He’d be free from the yoke of constant worry, the yoke of having to be responsible for so many people and things. And after the final fight with Mack, after the full betrayal had been disclosed, Jared had wanted nothing more than just to escape.
But now, now he could see so much more clearly. He wanted that sweet picture he’d seen in the bedroom. Mother and child. He didn’t just want to deliver a baby. He wanted to be a father.
The soup hissed and sizzled as it boiled over on the stove. Jared grabbed a potholder and moved the pot away from the flame of the gas burner.