A look of utter weariness crossed Jake’s face before he glanced up at the clock. “I’ve got to get going. We’ll have to talk another time.”
She nodded but worried about the strained tone of his voice. “I—I’ll go upstairs to sit with Aunt Mae. She seemed to be feeling better this morning.”
Jake agreed. “She’s hanging in there. I was with her earlier, and we talked quite a bit.”
About what, Joanna wondered. Spiritual matters, maybe? Not knowing what else to do, Joanna excused herself and headed toward the staircase. She’d been a Christian since she was twelve years old, many years before she moved in with her aunt. Why, after all these years, did talking about her faith seem like such a private matter? Why was it still so difficult to discuss with Jake? Maybe because she cared so much about his reaction? Because those people dearest to the heart are the ones who seem slowest to accept the truth? Hadn’t Aunt Mae warned her about that a long time ago?
After her parents’ deaths, Joanna had spent her childhood years with no connection to her past. Her adoptive parents had not allowed her access to available information. When she’d turned eighteen, she’d begun searching for any relatives she might have left from her biological family. That’s when she’d discovered she had a widowed aunt, and Aunt Mae had been delighted to meet the niece she’d prayed for over the years. The Lord had led Joanna home to the roots she’d been hoping for. An aunt with a heart full of love. That was tangible evidence to Joanna of what God could do. She wished there was some evidence she could produce for Jake to help him believe.
A gush of frigid air literally pushed Joanna and Ina inside the front door as they returned from church services that evening.
“Jake won’t be home until late,” Ina said after she’d listened to the messages on the answering machine. “He was called to the hospital because Andrew needed him.”
Joanna placed her coat along with Ina’s in the hallway closet. “But Jake was supposed to go to the gym for a while. Does Dr. Vernon usually call him for help?”
“Andrew Vernon is nearly ready to retire, and, if you ask me, he depends on Dr. Barnes too much. Things will be easier when Andrew retires and a younger doctor comes in to help out.” Ina walked toward the stairs, but not without stopping beside Joanna to give an affectionate pat on her arm. “I’ll see you in the morning, dear. I’m going to check in on Mae and the nurse, then go on to bed.”
“Okay,” Joanna said with a smile. “I’ll say good-night to Aunt Mae, too. Then I think I’ll sit down here for a while and read. See you in the morning.”
After finding Mae sleeping peacefully for the night, Joanna went back downstairs. Curling up in the large comfortable chair in the corner of the living room, she read one of Ina’s magazines until she grew sleepy. Then she switched off the light and leaned her head against the wing of the chair.
A warm hand squeezed her shoulder gently, and Joanna stirred in the chair. Her drowsy eyes opened slowly to find Jake standing beside her in the living room.
“Hi, sleepyhead,” he said quietly, but when Joanna met his gaze, she saw a gloominess there she’d not seen before. Not that she could ever recall. He looked tired, but it was much more than that. It was sorrow. Stark and real. She sat up suddenly.
“Jake, what’s wrong? Is it Aunt Mae?” she asked in a voice still raspy with sleep.
“Mae’s fine. Don’t be frightened,” he assured her and for the first time since she’d awakened, he looked away.
“But something’s wrong,” she persisted. Glancing up at the lighted grandfather clock in the corner of the room, she saw that it was nearly one o’clock in the morning. “You’ve been at the hospital? All this time?”
“Yes,” he said in the hush of the room. Only the ticking of the clock broke the silence.
Joanna moved out of the chair and onto the ottoman. She patted her hand against the cushion, still warm from the presence of her body. “Sit down. Tell me what’s happened,” she urged softly.
Jake sat down, sinking into the comfort of the overstuffed chair.
“What is it?” she whispered.
“One of Andrew’s patients died tonight. Mr. Littner. He was an elderly gentleman. I didn’t really know the man, but I’ve never seen Andrew take anything so hard.”
“Was it sudden? Unexpected?”
Jake didn’t answer immediately but ran a hand wearily over his eyes. “He’d been ill for several months so it wasn’t totally unexpected, but Andrew was surprised that it happened this soon. This quickly.” He looked at Joanna. “Mr. Littner gave up. Simply gave up. And died.”
She touched Jake’s arm, waiting for him to continue.
“He said he was ready to go…that there wasn’t anything left on this earth worth living for.”
“Didn’t he have a family?” Joanna asked.
“His wife died about a year ago, and he lost his only daughter when she was a child. He didn’t want to live, Jo. He said he was ready to go home to be with his Lord.”
“Then he’s better off now than he was here on this Earth, sickly and with no loved ones.”
“Can it be like that?” Jake’s eyes were bleak, desolate. “Can you be certain that what you believe is the truth?”
“Yes,” she answered, nodding her head. “I’m certain, Jake, with all my heart. But I had to trust God…to really completely trust Him.” Trust. She wondered if that was the stumbling block. Did Jake trust anyone? Completely?
He sat very still, looking so intently at Joanna she wondered if he could somehow see into her soul.
“Let me get my Bible,” she began, “and I can show you some verses—”
“No, please,” Jake said, cutting off her words and stinging her with his sudden disinterest. “It’s late. We’re both tired.”
But Joanna realized that the late hour was only an excuse. Opening a Bible and finding the right verses might force Jake to face the decision he wasn’t ready to make. She stood up and gave what she hoped was an understanding smile. “Maybe some other time then. I’m sorry about Mr. Littner. And Andrew.”
Jake gave a distracted nod in a gesture of thanks before Joanna turned to leave.
“Good night,” she said. Then she disappeared up the stairs. And Jake watched her go.
When Joanna reached the second floor, she went directly to Mae’s room where she checked on her aunt and said good-night to the nurse who was seated next to the bedside engrossed in a thick novel. Then Joanna headed for her own room. She changed out of her jeans and sweater and into a thin nightgown that was designed more for South Carolina’s nights than Indiana’s. But, nestling down into the bed, she warmed up quickly despite her inability to sleep. Her first day on a new job started in several hours, but she wasn’t worried. It felt right and she knew how to work with the children. No, it was Jake that worried her. She used to think of herself as being alone. But she didn’t feel so alone anymore. Not since Aunt Mae had come into her life. Then Jake, and now Ina. This time it was Jake who seemed alone. And there had to be moments, like tonight, when he felt it. She’d been there when he’d come home, she realized, but only in a distant kind of way. Why couldn’t she be the comfort to him that he’d been to her in days gone by? Then her mind went back to the evening they’d lost all that, and more.
Joanna’s twentieth birthday. Mae had planned a special dinner at Joanna’s favorite restaurant, but when the time came to go, Mae wasn’t feeling well. Rather than cancel the reservations and spoil the occasion, Jake had suggested that he and Joanna go by themselves. They hadn’t seen each other much over the past few weeks, and it would be a chance for them to talk. And he wanted her birthday to be a special