He gave her a wry smile. “To be honest, I’m looking forward to seeing them, too.”
At the end of the corridor, the kindly nun ushered them into a sunny nursery filled with rows of cradles and cribs, all of them occupied with babies ranging from infancy to twelve months old. Three more nuns were moving quietly around the room, tending to the needy children, some of whom were crying boisterously.
“The twins are over here in the corner,” the Sister said, motioning for the two of them to follow.
When she finally stopped near a pair of wooden cradles made of dark wood, she gestured toward the sleeping babies. Since the newborns were yet to be named, the two were differentiated with blue and pink blankets, while paper tags were attached to the end of each cradle, one reading Boy Valdez and the other Girl Valdez.
“Here they are,” she announced. “Take as much time with them as you’d like. And if you need anything, please let me know. I’ll be just down the hall in Mother Superior’s office.”
Conall and Vanessa both thanked the woman as she left and then they turned their entire attention to the sleeping twins.
Both babies had red-gold hair with the boy’s being a slightly darker shade than his sister’s. To Conall, they appeared extremely tiny, even though the Sister had told them earlier that each baby weighed over five pounds, a fair amount for newborn twins.
“Oh. Oh, my. How… incredible,” Vanessa whispered in awe as she stared down at the babies. “How perfectly beautiful!”
She bent over the cradles for a closer look and Conall watched as she touched a finger to the top of each velvety head. And then suddenly without warning, she covered her face with one hand and he could see her shoulders began to shake with silent sobs.
Quickly, he moved forward and wrapped an arm around her waist. “Vanessa.” He said her name softly, just to remind her that she wasn’t alone.
She glanced up at him, her brown eyes full of tears. “I’m sorry, Conall. I thought I could do this without breaking down. But… I—” Her gaze swung back to the babies. “I can’t believe that I’ve been blessed with two beautiful babies. And yet I look at them and… can’t help thinking of Hope.”
His hand slipped to her slender shoulder and squeezed. “Your friend had the perfect name. Through you, she’s given her children hope for the future. Remember that and smile.”
She let out a ragged sigh. “You’re right, Conall. I have to put my tears for Hope behind me and smile for the babies.” Glancing up at him, she gave him a wobbly smile. “I’ve chosen names for them. Rose Marie and Richard Madison. What do you think?”
“Very nice. I’ll call them Rose and Rick, if that’s all right with you.”
Her smile grew stronger. “That’s my plan, too. Shall we pick them up?”
He stared at her, amazed that she wanted to include him. “We? You go ahead. I’m just an onlooker.”
She looked a bit disappointed and Conall realized he felt a tad deflated himself. But whether that was because he actually wanted to hold the babies and was stupidly pretending indifference or because he was disheartening her at this special time, he didn’t know.
Frowning, she asked, “You don’t like babies or something?”
“Of course I do. I have baby nieces and nephews. But I didn’t hold them when they were this small. Come to think of it… none of them were ever this small.” He gestured toward the twins. “I might do it all wrong.”
“I might do it all wrong, too,” she suggested. “So we might as well try together.”
Realizing it would look strange if he kept protesting, he said, “All right. I’ll watch you first.”
She bent over Rose’s cradle and after carefully placing a hand beneath the baby’s head, lifted her out of the bed and into her arms. After a moment, Conall moved up to the other cradle and, in the same cautious manner, reached for the boy.
Once he had the child safely positioned in the crook of his arm, he adjusted the thin blue blanket beneath little Rick’s chin so that he could get a better look at his face. It was perfectly formed with a little pug nose and bow-shaped lips. Faint golden brows framed a set of blue eyes that were now wide open and appeared to be searching to see who or what was holding him.
Vulnerable. Needy. Precious. As he held the child, memories carried him back to when he and Nancy had first married. In the beginning, he’d had so many dreams and plans. All of them surrounding a house full of children to carry on the Donovan name and inherit the hard-earned rewards of the Diamond D. But those dreams had slowly and surely come crashing down.
Now as Conall experienced the special warmth and scent of the baby boy lying so helplessly in the crook of his arm, Conall wasn’t sure that Vanessa yet realized what a treasure she’d been handed. But he did. Oh, how he did.
“Conall?”
Reining in his thoughts, he pulled his gaze away from the baby to find her staring at him with a faintly puzzled look on her face. Had she been reading his mind? Conall wondered. Surely not. Down through the years he’d perfected the art of shuttering his emotions. Baby Rick wasn’t strong enough to make him change the longtime habit.
“Am I doing something wrong?” he asked.
For the first time Conall could remember, his secretary actually smiled at him with those big brown eyes of hers.
“No. You look like you were tailor-made for the job of Daddy.”
Her observation struck him hard, but he did his best to keep the pain hidden, as though there was no wide, empty hole inside him.
“Not hardly,” he said gruffly. “I’m not… daddy material.”
One delicate brow arched skeptically upward. “Oh? You don’t ever plan to have children of your own?”
For some reason her question made him pull the baby boy even closer to his chest. “That’s one thing I’m absolutely certain I’ll never have.”
Clearly taken aback by his response, her gaze slipped away from his and dropped to the baby in her arms. “Well, everyone has their own ideas about having children,” she said a bit stiffly. “I just happen to think you’re making a sad mistake.”
A sad mistake. Oh, yes, it was a sad mistake that she was misjudging him, Conall thought. And sad, too, that he couldn’t find the courage to tell this woman that at one time he’d planned to have at least a half-dozen children.
But if he let her in on that dream, then he’d have to explain why he’d been forced to set it aside. And why he planned to live the rest of his life a lone bachelor.
Hardening himself to that certain reality had changed him, he knew. Even his family often considered him unapproachable. But none of them actually understood the loss he felt to see his siblings having children of their own, while knowing he would always be cheated out of one of life’s most blessed gifts.
“You have a right to your opinion, Vanessa. Just like I have a right to live my life the way I see fit.”
She cast him a pained look, then turned her back to him and walked a few steps away as though she’d just seen him for the first time and didn’t like what she was seeing.
Well, that was okay, Conall thought. What his secretary thought about him didn’t matter. It wasn’t as if they were romantically linked, or even close friends.
He looked down at the baby in his arms and felt something raw and sweet swell in his chest. Vanessa would no doubt provide the twins with love. But they needed a father. And at some point in the future she would probably provide them with one. Then her family circle would be complete and that was only right.
Yet strangely, the idea left Conall with a regretful ache.