“I think it would have been a good idea. Your health had suffered.”
“Yes, yes.” She looked around her. Nobody could hear what they were saying because of the noise. “You were probably right when you advised me to take a year off.”
She swallowed hard as she remembered how confused she’d been after the miscarriage. She’d realised too late that her hormones and emotions had been all over the place. Still feeling that a baby was on the way and yet having to come to terms with the fact that she was no longer pregnant.
“I chose to continue and, of course, I didn’t drop out of medical school. It had always been my dream to qualify as a doctor. All my life. Especially when I was very young and you and Costas were making fun of me or ignoring me completely. I thought to myself, One day I’ll show you big boys and my dad I’m not just a silly little girl who enjoys playing with her dolls.”
Manolis stared at her. He’d never heard her say anything like that before.
“I didn’t know you felt like that.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Were we awful to you, Costas and I, when you were growing up?”
Tanya attempted to shrug it off, wishing she hadn’t been quite so vehement about something that had bugged her for years.
“Oh, you were OK,” she said, lightly. “You were behaving like boys do when girls are around. Trying to be macho. Sometimes you even noticed me.”
“We were only teasing you, Tanya,” he said gently. “When you came out to Australia to begin your medical training I could see you were a force to be reckoned with. Ambitious, clever, full of potential. Wow, I wouldn’t have dared to tease you then.”
She smiled to try and lighten the mood she’d created. “Oh, you were wonderful with me—really supportive. I never felt patronised by the fact that you were a qualified doctor and I was only a student. It was just something I wanted to do for myself at that point in time. I suppose I was ambitious. I was one of the generation of girls who wanted everything. I didn’t want to miss out on anything.”
She lowered her voice. “When I found out I was pregnant I still wanted to continue with my studies. As I told you at the time, my mother had agreed to help me. You probably remember she was actually delighted at the prospect of her first grandchild.”
Her voice cracked as she reached her final heart-rending words.
He leaned across the table and took hold of her hand. She remained very still but she could feel the prickly tears at the back of her eyes waiting to be released.
“I couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t take time off,” he said gently. “Why you wouldn’t let me take care of you, why you turned me down when—”
“I think my hormones were jumping around too much. I wasn’t sure if you were proposing because…well, because you thought it was the dutiful thing to do.”
“Was that why you turned me down for the second time?”
“Manolis, let’s defer this discussion, shall we?” she whispered. “I can see people looking at us.”
“Of course.”
She knew now she’d been mistaken to turn down his proposal. In the agonising weeks after they’d split up she’d realised how stupid she’d been. She’d destroyed the most essential part of her life. The love of the person she’d admired as a child and desired when she’d become an adult. And by the time she’d come to her senses it had been too late.
She swallowed hard, very aware of the big hand holding hers.
One of the young waiters put more meze on the table. Taramosalata this time to add to the kalimara and the Greek salad, all of which remained largely untouched.
Manolis held out a plate towards her. “Try some of these Ceres shrimps. You used to like them when your parents invited me for supper, I remember.”
She removed her hand from his and took some of the tiny pink shrimps. “Delicious as always.” She chewed slowly. “Some things never change.”
“And some things do. You, for instance,” he said gently.
She leaned back against her chair. “How have I changed?”
“Well…you always were stubborn but—”
“Stubborn? I suppose you mean when I didn’t agree with something you wanted?”
He smiled. “Possibly.”
She nodded. “I have to admit that some of the ideas I had when I was younger have changed. I don’t think I would be quite so…well…stubborn, as you put it, now.”
He wondered if he was in with a chance now with this older, wiser woman. No, of course not! If they were ever to become close again and he was to raise the question of marriage she would dash his hopes again. What did she mean when she’d questioned if his proposal had been merely dutiful? When the time was more convenient he’d quiz her further.
“So, you got all your information about me from Costas?”
“Mostly. We rather lost touch when he went to South America to work in that rural area. He hasn’t answered any of my letters for ages!”
“He’s chosen to live in a remote hospital near the Amazon. Sometimes he doesn’t get his mail for weeks, months or at all. Often he can’t get his letters sent out of the area. He’s very dedicated to his work and doesn’t have much spare time to worry about the outside world. My mother worries continually about him, of course, but she’s adamant that he’ll tire of this difficult life when he’s had enough deprivation.”
“He had a relationship in Australia that went wrong, I believe,” Manolis said, quietly.
“Yes.” She sighed. “These things happen.”
Their eyes met and Tanya saw the moistness in Manolis’s gaze before he looked down at his plate and began crumbling a piece of bread.
“You haven’t drunk your wine.”
Tanya took a small sip. “The jet-lag is getting to me. I’d better not drink it. It might make me sleepy and I want to stay awake. I feel that we…well, we’re getting to know each other again.”
“I was completely surprised when you turned up here today. I’d had no news of you for ages.”
The people on the next table had now gone. He waited before he dared to broach the subject of their disastrous break-up again. He’d been so unhappy, so completely devastated and depressed that he couldn’t imagine how Tanya had suffered when her physical health had been at an all-time low and she’d had to cope with the emotional confusion as well.
“I was so proud that you coped by yourself after I left Australia. It couldn’t have been easy after…”
“After I’d lost the baby?” she said quietly.
“Yes. Costas said you went straight back to medical school.”
“I was still in a state of shock, I think. As I said, I now know I should have taken some time off but I was very confused. Keeping busy kept me sane—or so I thought. You must have done something similar when you went off to England and almost immediately married.”
She tried but failed miserably to disguise the bitterness in her tone of voice.
“Tanya! I…”
The young waiter was placing the main course plates in front of them, having removed the scarcely touched meze dishes.
“Tanya, it wasn’t like that!” he continued when they were alone again. “You’d made it clear that you didn’t want me. My old tutor in London had already contacted me about a newly created post as head of surgery which he said would be perfect for me. I was holding off discussing it with you because I wouldn’t