He nodded and began to do as she asked, but his face was glum.
Barnaby’s dismal expression stayed with Kate as she and Sean drove up the gently sloping road that led west out of town to Pritchard’s Hill. She was less enthusiastic than she’d been earlier in the day anticipating the excursion. There was no doubt that the feeling she had had for Sean was returning. She recognized the symptoms—sweaty palms, a giddy sensation in her head, fullness in her chest. But things were more complicated than they had been eighteen months ago when she’d been a carefree girl discovering the beauty of young love.
“You’re quiet tonight, Katie,” Sean said, turning his head from the horses to study her.
“I’m sorry. Caroline awoke three times last night. I’m probably tired.”
Sean reached into her lap and seized one of her hands. “That wasn’t a reproach, sweetheart. No need to apologize.” He looked into the back of the buggy where Caroline was lying awake and wide-eyed, but peaceful. “I thought you told me she usually sleeps all through the night now. She’s not sick, is she?”
Kate shook her head. “No, but I think those new teeth coming in are bothering her a little. I rubbed some of Carter’s whiskey on them before we left tonight.”
“Whiskey!” Sean looked horrified.
Kate laughed. “Not to drink. Just rubbed on the gums. It won’t hurt her any.”
Sean was viewing his daughter with a critical eye as if trying to identify signs of drunkenness. “I don’t know anything about babies, Kate,” he said finally with a sigh.
“Most people don’t until they get one. Then you learn fast.”
They’d reached the grove of old cedars where they had been accustomed to stopping during their visits here that first spring. “Shall we make it here, for old times’ sake?” Sean asked.
Kate’s heart sped up a little, but she nodded. “It’ll be too dark if we try to go farther.”
Sean sprang out of the carriage and was around to Kate’s side before she could climb out on her own. His arms came up around her waist and swung her down. When her feet touched the ground, she tried to take a step away, but he held her firmly against him, looking down at her. His eyes were slightly hooded, the nostrils flared. When he spoke, his voice was husky. “I won’t break my promise about waiting until you ask, but a kiss for old times’ sake would be nice, too.”
Their faces were only inches apart, and Kate could feel an actual tingling in her suddenly dry lips. She licked them. “I think we’d better eat,” she said. “Caroline will be fussing for her own supper before long.”
He released her instantly, his face impassive. “I’ll hand her down to you,” he said, boosting himself up on the side rails to reach for Caroline’s basket.
Kate felt the tension drain out of her as she busied herself preparing for the meal. They set out two blankets and let Caroline sit up in the middle of one, entertaining herself with the wooden blocks Dennis Kelly had whittled for her. On the other, they set out the food Kate had packed. Sean had brought along a bottle of wine and two glasses. “This is for you, now, not the baby,” he joked as he handed her a glass.
Kate smiled. “In a manner of speaking, Caroline drinks whatever I do.”
Sean looked a little embarrassed by the reference. His eyes went to Kate’s full breasts, then slid away. “I don’t know much about that, either,” he mumbled, and began digging into one of the meat pies.
Dinner went quickly and with much laughter over Caroline’s antics as she crawled around trying to explore each item on the menu. Finally when they’d finished the last of the maple cakes for dessert, Kate took Caroline in her arms and said a little shyly. “I’m afraid I’ll have to feed her before we head back. She’ll be hollering up a fit before long if she doesn’t get her supper.”
Sean jumped to his feet and picked up the extra blanket. Folding it over three times he fashioned a little seat and propped it against the nearest cedar tree. “Will you be comfortable here or would you rather be in the buggy?”
Kate stood, still carrying the baby, who was beginning to squirm. “That will be fine.” She hesitated a moment, avoiding his eyes.
Sean walked over to her and took Caroline. “You make yourself comfortable there and do whatever you need to get yourself ready, and then I’ll hand her to you.”
Kate sank down onto the padded seat and arranged her skirts around her. “I should have her blanket from the basket,” she said.
Sean nodded but still held the baby, waiting. When she made no move to unbutton her dress, he said, “I’ll go take a walk or something if you want me to, Kate, but I’d prefer to stay and watch my daughter with her mother.”
Losing a little of her self-consciousness, Kate undid the top of her dress, then reached up for Caroline. Sean retrieved the blanket and tucked it tenderly around the baby, who was already finding her dinner.
It seemed, after all, natural and sweet to sit in the darkening evening with Sean while their baby tugged at her breast. Sean’s eyes were mostly on her face, but every now and then he’d reach out a hand to stroke the back of the baby’s head ever so gently.
When she was finished, she sat Caroline on her knee and patted her back. “Let me do that,” Sean said, reaching for the baby.
“Careful, she might spit up,” Kate warned, and helped him arrange the blanket over his trousers in case of any sudden eruptions. She fastened up her dress, then sat back against the tree to watch Sean minister to their baby. The sight made her throat fill.
After several minutes, she said, “She’ll sleep now if you want to put her down in the basket.”
He smiled and gave Caroline a final hug, which she returned by putting her chubby arms around his neck. She made no protest as he put her down and carefully arranged the blanket around her.
“She’s half-asleep already,” he said, his voice tender and a bit awed.
The evening was beginning to grow cool. Kate untangled part of the blanket she was sitting on to wrap it around her shoulders. “We should be heading back, I guess,” she said sleepily. “But it’s nice here.”
Sean took a final look into Caroline’s basket, then went back to drop beside Kate, dragging the other blanket beneath him. “We can stay awhile longer, if you like. Jennie said you weren’t to worry about cleaning up at Sheridan House tonight.”
“She and Barnaby will handle everything just fine,” Kate agreed. “I don’t know what I would have done without them this past year.”
Sean stretched out on the blanket, propping himself on one elbow and looking up at her. “This past year when you should have had a husband with you to help in the burdens of bearing and raising your child.”
Kate looked down at him, her face serious. “Perhaps I was wrong not to contact you, Sean.”
“No ‘perhaps’ about it, Kate. But there’s no way to relive the past. The question is, what are we going to do now?”
The meat pie she’d eaten seemed to be stuck at the base of her throat. She remembered the conversation earlier with Barnaby, so certain that Sean would want to marry her. And as much as the young orphan hated the thought of losing Caroline, he’d thought she’d be better off with a father. “Why did you suddenly decide to come back, Sean? You’ve never really explained what brought you back here.” She held in a breath. Somehow the answer was vitally important to her.
Sean looked at her a long moment, his eyes unreadable in the increasing dusk. “I’ve told you, Kate. I never stopped thinking about you in all