“I don’t think I could simply up and leave the family. What would the kids do?”
How would the children react if she decided to go on this trip? Though Annie knew they used her and it was wearying, she still felt a responsibility for them.
That’s what it boiled down to. When she’d married Harry, she’d inherited a young boy and his younger sister as immediate family. She’d been thrown into instant adulthood trying to raise two children.
Looking back, she realized she hadn’t been ready for it. She’d been a child herself really at 17. She’d done her best, but had her best been good enough? The children’s mother had never forgiven Harry for marrying Annie. And on every weekend and holiday that Michaela had had the children, she’d done her best to poison them against her.
Annie also had church responsibilities as well as friends there. Although most of her friends were gone, uncomfortable being around a widow or simply no longer having anything in common, she had one or two who she saw occasionally, including Amy and Cynthia. However, she was going to be starting a new job this fall as an art teacher at a local community center, and so this would make the perfect time to go—if she so chose.
“The kids depend too much on you,” Cynthia informed her. “They use you and you allow it.”
That hurt. Cynthia was always the blunter of her two friends. And she never spared what she thought.
“You deserve this time,” Amy added more diplomatically. “You’ll never get to splurge again like this. You know that. Once you settle down into this new job, you’ll be too caught up in life to consider doing something so wild.”
Doing something wild. Was that what she was doing?
Annie shook her head. “I’m not sure I’m the wild sort—”
“Well maybe you should be,” Cynthia cut in. “It’s time you had a chance to live a little. You married Harry while you were still in high school, for Pete’s sake. It’s time for you to go out and have fun.”
Annie thought about what her friend said. She was going to be forty next week.
Forty.
And she’d never left Louisiana.
“Where would you like to go?” Amy prodded.
Annie smiled slightly. “Holland.”
She could talk about her dreams at least. What would that hurt?
“Holland? What is in Holland?” Cynthia demanded.
Annie shrugged. “Tulips.”
All three women burst into laughter. Annie honestly didn’t know what Holland had to offer. She simply thought it would be fun to visit somewhere she’d never been, somewhere off the beaten path.
“Think of the tours you could take,” Amy added, when the laughter died down.
“We’d even help you pack,” Cynthia chimed in.
“Whoa, wait a minute. I’m only dreaming here. Let’s not get carried away.” Annie shook her head, trying to slow the two women down.
“Why not get carried away?” Cynthia asked.
Annie tried to think of a reason but couldn’t come up with a legitimate one.
Cynthia leaned forward and took her hand. “This is your chance. Get away for the summer. Spend time doing some soul searching. We’ll take care of the house and your cat. We’ll make sure everything runs smoothly while you’re gone. Just take this time for yourself, Annie. You need it.”
Annie couldn’t believe she was wavering in this. Wasn’t this the time of her life when things were supposed to slow down? She should be spending her time at home, enjoying the quiet solitude.
Of course, she’d been doing that for four years now. Four years. Where had that time gone? What had become of her during that time? Herself as a person? Had she ever been her own person? An individual with her own feelings and thoughts?
Had she ever had a life? she wondered now. One of her own? Or was she always going to be defined by her marriage and family?
If she were honest, Harry had rarely been there. She had wondered at one time if he was having an affair, but had then decided it was simply that he was a workaholic.
Annie had no idea who she was anymore. She’d come to that realization as she’d sat at home one day, wondering when her stepdaughter was going to drop by.
Maybe a vacation was exactly what she needed. Time away from all the memories and time to find herself. Time to spend with God.
“The kids will have a fit.”
Amy shrugged. “They’ll handle it.”
“They’ll have to,” Cynthia added and then, seeing the hesitation on Annie’s face, added, “If they need you, you can always give them your number. Besides, their mom lives in town.”
Annie knew the kids would be worried without her there. She met with her daughter at least once a week and her son usually stopped by on weekends with his laundry and had lunch with her. He still didn’t do his own laundry.
A month or so without laundry. Now that would be odd.
“I can tell you’re considering it,” Amy said with glee in her voice. “Come on. Cynthia, can you take an extra hour or so before going home? I say we go look at brochures at the travel agency. We’ll have her on that plane by next week.”
“That soon!” Annie said, worry in her voice.
Amy laughed with enthusiasm. “Sure. Why not? The sooner the better.”
“I agree. I know you, Annie. If we don’t rush you out the door and onto the plane, then you’ll end up staying put.”
Annie sighed. “You’re right about that.”
“We have a surprise for you.” Cynthia reached into her purse, which was set next to her feet on the elegant carpeted floor.
Annie lifted her napkin and folded it neatly before releasing it. “You’ve already bought me lunch. What else are you planning?”
These two women really were her dear friends, but they knew how to keep her off balance.
Amy grinned. “It’s our gift. We had to make sure first that you’d use it.”
Annie glanced from one to the other, her cheeks warming. “I’m too old to get gifts. Just going out to lunch was enough.”
“Oh, no, honey,” Cynthia said and then presented her with a small gold oblong box. “We wanted to make sure about our plans before we gave this to you. Open it.”
Annie smiled and obediently opened the checkbook-size box. When she pulled out the piece of paper her jaw dropped open. “This is a gift certificate from a travel agency.”
Amy chuckled. “It’s enough for a ticket just about anywhere in the world, and if you choose Holland, then it will even cover most of the hotel cost.”
“Oh, dear.” Annie stared in shock at what she held.
Cynthia smiled. “You can choose anywhere.” She hesitated and then added, “If you don’t use it, you can roll it over until next summer.”
“Yeah,” Amy added and accepted the receipt from the waiter. She quickly scanned the price and pulled out some money, tossing it on the table with the check. She then stood. “Come on. Let’s go to the travel agency and we’ll see what we can find.”
“I’m not certain I’m going yet.” Annie gripped the unbelievable gift in her hands, staring at it, still in shock.
Talking