The unfortunate aspect of the situation was that Sera could hardly expect Tony to be very loving when all of them were in deep mourning, so her campaign to win him had to be put away. She had not the heart for it, anyway, and threw herself into cheering his mother.
Lady Amanda bounced back from her grief much quicker than Tony, filling the breakfast parlor with small talk that charmed Sera but only made Tony sulk. Any time he did spend in the house, he closeted himself in his father’s study with piles of ledgers and accounts. “Father has not been dead a fortnight, and all she talks is trivialities,” Tony complained when Sera came to see if he wanted tea.
“I think it is good for her. She doesn’t mean to annoy you, Tony.”
“How do you find the patience to deal with her?”
“It’s a novel experience for me, having a mother.”
“That can’t have been easy for you, growing up without one.”
“I think it made me more independent.”
“She won’t live with us always, you know.”
“But why not?” Sera was surprised into asking.
“Because I can’t stand her most of the time.” Tony said this so desperately that Sera had to laugh. “Tell me I am an unnatural son,” he challenged, as he stood up.
Sera came and gently hugged him instead. “You are an unnaturally honest son, at any rate.”
“And you are wonderful.” He kissed her hair and stood contentedly holding her for a few minutes, until he heard footsteps coming across the hall, then amused her by releasing her as though they were lovers, and not married at all.
“Sera, there you are. What do you think of this fabric for my bedroom? Tony, I’m surprised you are still in the house. You are usually out riding, even in the foulest weather. I can’t understand why you can’t be still for a moment. You were not always like this.” Tony rolled his eyes at this monologue, and Sera received the fabric swatch with a laugh.
“Too somber for your bedroom, I think. I will order some samples from London.” Tony gave an impatient snort and went back to his ledgers.
* * *
Thrown as Sera was into Lady Amanda’s company more than her husband’s, there was a bond forged between them, an unspoken conspiracy to cheer Tony up and to keep any household annoyances from him. Sera was some use in this, since her liberal allowance provided for any little necessities in the way of servants’ clothing or extra candles. But when the kitchen maid came weeping to her with the confession that she was with child, Sera was nonplussed. She had never dealt with a situation like this before. Except for her personal maid, Marie, her father’s servants were mostly older, and did not get into such scrapes. Instinctively she took the girl to Lady Amanda.
“What are we going to do?” Sera asked her mother-in-law.
“She must be married, and soon,” decided Lady Amanda.
“But he refuses the child!” wailed the maid.
“Then we will have him arrested,” Lady Amanda said confidently.
“Can we do that?” Sera asked.
“It is what Edwin would have done if he could not force the man into marrying her. Joshua is our undergroom, after all. We have some responsibility that young girls are not accosted in our household.”
Kerry and Joshua were married within the month, the groom seeing it as a better alternative than jail. Sera hoped he would be more reconciled to his fate than Tony was to his.
* * *
They spent a somber Christmas. Sera’s father and Lady Jane, now married, had gone to Paris. Their only company were neighbors, mostly Lord Cairnbrooke’s age, who plagued Tony with their advice on estate matters until Sera thought he was ready to bolt. She nodded and listened to the advice of their wives, firmly vowing not to follow any of it. They did raise her consciousness of the poverty of the surrounding hamlets, so she sent a pair of servants one day each week to buy large quantities of bread and vegetables of whatever kind they could find and distribute them to each cottage. Tony got wind of this, and called her into the study to give her a lecture.
“I hear you have been buying food for the poor.”
“You say that like an accusation.”
“You can’t feed them all.”
“But I can feed the closest ones, and hope that our neighbors are embarrassed into doing the same for those closest to them.”
Tony stared at her.
“It might work,” she said defensively.
“They are proud people. They won’t like you for this charity.”
“Why should they like me for a few potatoes and onions? I only want them not to starve.”
“Sera, I can’t afford it,” Tony said regretfully.
“It’s my pin money. I can do with it as I please.”
Tony went rather white about the mouth and said tightly, “Yes, I suppose you can.”
“Unless...unless you need it,” she offered, seeing she had hurt him.
“No! Do as you please. You will anyway.”
Tony realized that, never having been in need or in debt herself, Sera had no inkling what it felt like. As often as she trampled on his feelings in this way, he would manage to overlook it. Whether his tenants would be as generous he had no idea, but he could not bring himself to berate her for her generosity.
He walked out and was gone the whole rest of the day, even though a slicing rain started falling in mid-afternoon.
“He must have taken shelter somewhere, depend on it,” Lady Amanda assured her as she made ready to go up to bed. “He was probably caught miles from home, and is toasting himself in front of a friend’s fire, or at some inn.”
“I’m sure you are right,” Sera said warmly. “But I want to finish this book anyway. I shall come up later.”
It was long past midnight when Tony finally blundered into the hall, rousing a servant to dry and clean his gun. Sera was so glad to know he was alive, she ran to him.
“Are you all right?”
“I’m fine, just fine,” he said with a slur.
“There’s a fire in the drawing room.”
He followed her in and warmed his hands, swaying a little as he stood upright.
“I shall have them heat some food for you.”
“Don’t bother. Most likely I couldn’t keep it down. Too much brandy.”
“But then you should eat something.”
“I don’t want anything, and will you stop trying to run my life?” He collapsed on a chair and tried, unsuccessfully, to pull off his wet boots.
“I’m sorry I’ve ruined your life,” Sera said, coming to tug at the unwilling boots.
“I said run, not ruin, but it amounts to the same thing.”
She stopped her efforts and turned to leave him, hiding the hurt on her face.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. It’s I who have ruined your life. You got a bad bargain, my dear, but none of this was my idea.”
“Well, you don’t imagine it was mine!” Sera vowed with a spark of anger.
“What?” Tony asked as he sat up and tried to focus on her face. She looked so blurry to him, he could not decide if she was crying or not. “Whose idea was it, then? I can’t remember.”