Which he did.
It was Marissa who didn’t seem to belong.
Oh, it was easy enough to bond with Cody. The boy was adorable, and every time he brushed his chubby lips against her cheek, or hugged her, or snuggled beside her in the hospital bed, some inner spring wound a little tighter inside Marissa. She knew she was his mother, knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she’d do anything to keep him from danger.
But when the nightmares came and ripped her fantasy world to shreds, when she had to face the fact that she might never remember his first steps, his first words, the first time he fell asleep in her arms—at those times she desperately wanted Gray McGonigle to be there for her, wanted his big strong arms around her, wanted to hear him say everything would be all right, just as he did with Cody.
Yet she pushed him away.
She had to.
To allow him to believe she felt something for him was to court disaster. Something had happened before her accident. Marissa knew it. She’d asked him, but Gray wouldn’t tell her about that last day, wouldn’t say much more than that they’d been happy. He was hiding something from her, and she longed to know what it was. Maybe then she’d be able to explain her turbulent emotions whenever he was near.
The truth was, she didn’t know what she felt for Grayson McGonigle.
Gratitude? Indebtedness? Obligation? Curiosity?
All of the above.
His world must have been turned upside down when his family disappeared. But in the days since she’d awoken here, he hadn’t once complained about his twice-daily trips into town to visit her, nor about her memory’s lack of progress. He’d mentioned nothing about the extra help she understood he’d had to hire to help out with the chores while he took Cody to the city for tests. Even now, he didn’t miss a beat about Luc’s suggestion that they’d need home help because she was useless to him.
“I spoke to Miss Blessing about what Luc said. She knows a woman who moved back to town a while ago, after her daughter and grandson died. She has one other son, but he doesn’t live with her. Anyway, apparently this Mrs. Biddle used to work for my father a long time ago, so she’s used to the ranch, and she loves kids.” Gray turned toward Marissa. “Does she sound all right to you?” he asked politely.
That he’d even bothered to ask was a mark of his consideration.
“She sounds fine.” She edged toward the side of the bed, pushing back the pain that pinched her body. “Whatever you decide is fine.”
She could see he didn’t like her saying that. His eyes narrowed, his brows lowered. He looked frustrated.
“I’m sorry, Gray. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s just that you should decide these things. After all, they have the most effect on you.” She’d been trying to rectify whatever she’d said wrong, but was clearly only making matters worse. His jutting jaw was proof of that. She bit her lip, decided to stay silent.
“This affects you, too, Marissa. We can do whatever you want, but for now, I agree with Luc. You need rest and lots of it. A puff of air could whisk you away without even trying.”
“I’m fine.”
She glanced down, noticed his eyes staring at her knobby knees poking out from the hem of her hospital gown and readjusted the thin cotton robe.
“Why didn’t you put on your own robe and gown? I brought them days ago, but you still wear the hospital’s. Did I bring the wrong things?” Gray stared down at the threadbare gown as if he couldn’t understand her preference for such an ugly thing.
Well, why would he? He’d brought her an azure-blue velvet housecoat that begged to be worn, and a delicate white cotton nightie, with ribbon ties that matched the housecoat. They were beautiful and she’d have loved to snuggle into them. But they weren’t hers. At least, they didn’t feel like hers.
“I seem to have a lot of scrapes and cuts,” she improvised. “I didn’t want to stain anything, so I thought I’d save them until I was a bit more healed.” She glanced behind him. “Where’s Cody?”
“He’s at school. I thought it was time to get him used to the routine. I’ve been taking him for an hour every morning. Today he’s staying the full time.”
“Oh.” Which meant they’d be going to the ranch alone.
“You don’t think it was a good idea?” He fiddled with his hat. “Maybe it is too much at once, but the doctors thought we should get his life as normal as possible, and…”
Now she had him second-guessing himself, something she doubted he’d ever done. Till now. On an impulse, Marissa laid a hand on his arm.
“Please, whatever you’ve decided is fine. I know you only want what’s best for him.”
“And you.” He put his hand over hers where it rested against his muscled forearm. “I just want to make things better, Rissa. Inside, I know I can’t. I know nothing will be the same again, but I have to do something. Otherwise I’ll blow up.” His fingers tightened, the lines around his eyes deepened. “Every time I think of someone holding you against your will, of hitting you—”
She heard the torment in his voice, saw him strive for control. Then his arms were around her and he was holding her so tightly, she could barely breathe.
“Rissa, if you only knew how scared I’ve been.”
The words seemed dragged from him. It was the first time he’d really held her, though she’d expected it before now. There was no doubt in her mind that he cared about Cody but her, too? This much? Somehow that surprised her.
Something inside urged her to hold him, to brush that lock of recalcitrant hair off his forehead and kiss him there. But something else—some warning bell—reminded her that wanting to comfort him wouldn’t be what he wanted from her. He was her husband, he’d expect—no! She pulled away.
“You don’t have to be afraid. I’m all right. So is Cody. He’ll talk to us when he’s ready.” She leaned back, putting a bigger distance between them. “I guess I’d better get dressed.”
“I didn’t know you’d be released today. I didn’t bring you any clothes.” He frowned at her, trying, she knew, to understand what made her so apprehensive she couldn’t respond to him.
“I’ll wear what I arrived in.” She was pleased she’d thought of it so easily, until she saw him shake his head. “Why not?”
“The police have your things. Evidence. They’ve sent them away for analysis. Maybe they can find some clue about where you were held.” His gaze moved down her body, focused on her feet. “Seems funny you weren’t wearing shoes. Your feet weren’t cut or blistered, as they should have been if you were running barefoot.”
“Just another little mystery for you to unravel,” she joked, drawing her toes under the hem of her gown.
He was discomfited for a moment, then his gaze landed on the rejected housecoat. “I could go and buy something.”
“No, there’s no need.” She didn’t want to be indebted to him further. Neither did she want to put off going to the ranch. It terrified her, but she had to do it or explain why not. It was better to arrive in the daytime, and it was already after lunch. If they waited any longer, it would be time to pick up Cody, and when she finally arrived home, Marissa didn’t want the child watching her with those studious silver eyes that saw everything.
Home. How strange to think of it like that.
“I guess this is the only option, then.” He held out the housecoat and gown.
“I