Rebekah took a ragged breath. ‘I had awful morning sickness for the first few months. That’s how I knew how to advise Nicole.’
‘What happened?’ Dante asked gently.
‘My baby was stillborn when I was twenty weeks into the pregnancy. A routine scan revealed that there was no heartbeat.’ Her voice was carefully devoid of emotion, but Dante sensed how hard she was finding it to talk about the child she had lost and he drew her closer. ‘The doctors didn’t know why he had died, but I had been under a lot of stress and I read afterwards that that could have been a reason.
‘After the scan showed that the pregnancy wasn’t viable—’ she stumbled over the coldly clinical terminology that had been used by the obstetrician ‘—I had to go through an induced labour.’ She squeezed her eyes shut and felt the hot tears seep beneath her lashes. ‘The baby was perfectly formed. He was tiny, of course, so tiny, but absolutely beautiful. I held him and prayed that there had been a mistake, that he would take a breath.’
She couldn’t go on, and buried her face in Dante’s shirt as painful sobs tore her chest. ‘It shouldn’t hurt so much after all this time—’ she wept ‘—but it does. I would give my life to hold my little boy again, to see him open his eyes and smile at me.’
‘Dio, cara,’ he said roughly, ‘who says it shouldn’t hurt? Who says you shouldn’t cry for your son?’
Dante’s voice caught in his throat. He had thought he knew all about pain and loss, but Rebekah’s raw grief made him ache for her. He sank down onto a chair and pulled her into his lap, rocking her as though she were a small child while she cried out the storm.
A long time later, when she was calmer and the tremors that had racked her frame had subsided a little, he asked the question burning in his brain. ‘Was Gareth the baby’s father?’
‘Yes, but he didn’t want our child.’ Rebekah pushed her hair back from her tear-streaked face. ‘I found out I was pregnant two weeks before we were due to get married. Although we hadn’t planned to start a family straight away, I assumed Gareth would be pleased. But he was horrified, and that’s when he told me he had been having an affair with Claire for months and wanted to marry her, not me.’
Dante frowned. ‘Surely he offered to go ahead with the wedding once he knew you were expecting his child?’
She shook her head. ‘I’m not sure what I would have done if he had. I felt utterly betrayed by his relationship with Claire, but I suppose for the sake of the baby I would still have married him. But there was no question of that. Gareth didn’t want me or the baby and he …’ She broke off, still struggling to accept how the man she had believed she loved had treated her.
‘He asked me to have an abortion. When I refused he got angry and said I had no right to go ahead with the pregnancy when he didn’t want the child. It turned out that he had told Claire he had stopped sleeping with me, which was almost true,’ she said heavily. ‘I’d thought we were both stressed about the wedding and that was why he had been avoiding having sex with me. But there was one night when he’d had a few drinks and we ended up in bed, and that’s when I conceived.
‘All Gareth was concerned about was that Claire would be furious if she found out that he had lied to her. He was desperate for me to get rid of the baby—’ her voice shook ‘—so desperate that he offered to pay me to have a termination.’
Rebekah gave a bitter laugh. ‘He had inherited a large sum of money from his father. He knew I’d dreamed of opening my own restaurant, and he said that if I ended the pregnancy he would buy a place and set me up in business.’
‘That’s why you were so upset about the clothes I bought for you,’ Dante said, understanding now why she had reacted the way she had done. ‘You leapt to the assumption that I was trying to persuade you to be my mistress.’ He shook his head. ‘In my job I’m often appalled by the way clients treat people they supposedly once cared for, but I’m stunned that your fiancé tried to bribe you to get rid of your baby.’ He felt a surge of angry disgust for the Welshman. ‘What a bastard!’
‘I couldn’t believe Gareth could be so heartless,’ she admitted painfully. ‘I thought I knew him. I thought he was an honest, honourable man who would make a good husband and father, and discovering that I had been so wrong about him made me question my judgement.
‘The following months were awful,’ she continued dully. ‘I didn’t tell anyone what Gareth had done but, as news of my pregnancy became public, he put more pressure on me to have an abortion and pretend I had miscarried. We had some terrible rows and I’m convinced the baby must have been affected by my tension and the stress I was under.’ She twisted her fingers together, her voice shaking. ‘After I had lost the baby, Gareth came to visit me in the hospital, and he said he was sorry our child had been stillborn. But I knew he wasn’t sad. I knew he was relieved and I couldn’t bear to talk to him or be anywhere near him. That’s why I went to London—to get away from all the memories.’ She dashed her hand across her eyes. ‘But memories are inside you and you can’t leave them behind,’ she whispered. ‘I’ll never forget my baby.’
‘Of course you won’t,’ Dante said softly.
Rebekah gave him a surprised look, taken aback by the compassion in his voice. She had expected him to tell her she should put the past behind her, which was the advice she had been given by the few close friends who knew what had happened.
‘Your child was a part of you, and losing him must have been agonising. But he lives on in your heart, cara. As for the excuse of a man you were once engaged to—’ his face hardened ‘—all I can say is that you deserve so much better than him, and he did not deserve you.’
‘Gareth and Claire are married, and now they have a baby,’ Rebekah said dully. ‘I feel as though I lost everything, and I don’t know how I will ever be able to trust someone enough to have a proper relationship.’
‘I’m not surprised you feel like that.’ It was exactly how he had felt after Lara had ripped his world apart, Dante thought to himself.
Rebekah sighed. ‘But I’ve got to try. I want a long-lasting marriage like my parents have and I hope one day to have another baby.’ She gave Dante a ghost of a smile. ‘It’s tempting to lock my heart away and never risk getting hurt again, but that’s cowardly, isn’t it?’
Cowardly! Dante stiffened. It seemed eminently sensible of Rebekah to want to protect herself from emotional injury. After his marriage had ended he had made the decision never to put his faith and trust in a woman ever again. But that wasn’t the action of a coward, he assured himself. He was a realist, possibly a cynic, but he had good reason to be.
Yet although Rebekah had been treated so cruelly by her fiancé, she was still prepared to risk being hurt again in her search for love. It would be easy to label her a romantic fool, he brooded. But he felt admiration and respect for her, coupled with the uneasy feeling that his chosen lifestyle of flitting from one meaningless affair to the next without any emotional involvement on his part was not in any way admirable.
‘Come on, mia bella,’ he murmured when he saw her eyelashes brush against her cheeks. ‘You need some rest.’ He was sure she must be feeling drained and she made no protest when he stood and carried her into the bedroom. He helped her slip out of her robe and get into bed before he undressed and slid in beside her. He had assumed she would fall straight to sleep, but when she snuggled up close and ran her fingers over his chest, following the path of hairs that arrowed down his stomach, he struggled to control the heated desire that swept through him.
He turned his head towards her and felt a curious tug on his insides when he looked into her beautiful violet eyes. ‘Are you sure you want this?’ he said thickly.
Rebekah nodded. She could not explain why confiding to Dante about Gareth’s terrible betrayal