She took my hand. ‘You’re still thinking about John, aren’t you?’
I nodded. It had been a long time before I’d even told Helen about that day in the sports shed and about my cousin coming into my room. Even now I couldn’t make sense of what he’d been doing. ‘He probably goes after prettier girls now.’
‘Oh, Jane. You are pretty. Don’t you know that?’
She always said that, and I always wanted to believe her. But when I looked at the other girls, I knew it wasn’t true. I was bony where they had curves. My plain brown hair was flat and fine, not glossy like some of the others. I barely dared to try putting on make-up. I didn’t know how to stop it looking like a painted mask. At best, I hoped to be forgettable.
‘I don’t know anything, Helen. I’ve lived here since I was just a child. We both have.’ I was realising rapidly that in a few short months we’d have to leave this place. We’d have to leave this garden. We’d have to leave the nuns and lay teachers who’d been our guides through life so far. And we’d have to go… where? I tried to explain what I meant.
‘The only time we leave is to go on school trips. We really don’t know what’s out there.’ The idea was overwhelming – there was a whole world waiting to chew us up. ‘Maybe we should stay here and become nuns?’
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