Filled with Both Dread and Excitement in Equal Measure
How Do You End Such a Perfect Night?
Some Goodbyes Are Harder Than Others
Only a Fool Would Get in my Way
The Heart Instinctively Knows When You’ve Found The One – Doesn’t It?
A New Day and the Sky is Blue, Not a Cloud in Sight
For Billy, Lily, Joe and Maddie – twinkle, twinkle little stars!
You inspire every single moment of every single day.
Love you always and forever x
‘Antonio, we’re back,’ I call out, kicking the door shut with the heel of my boot.
Juggling Rosie on one side and groceries on the other, I drop the carrier bags down with a soft clunk on the worktop, then deposit the little one on the floor. I hope that sound of glass on tin doesn’t mean there’s an imminent chance of a wine puddle. Yanking the bottle out to check, I see that it’s still intact. Phew! I could have fallen at the first hurdle as wine is a key component in my little plan.
Tonight, I’m planning on having a romantic evening with my husband. I’m going to insist that we watch a film together and relax a little, once Rosie is asleep. Assuming she settles before I come back down to find him snoring on the sofa, like so many nights recently. But then he’s out as much as he’s in these days due to work pressures. I worry that he’s running himself into the ground and I hate that he steadfastly refuses to talk to me about it.
I look down at little Rosie, levering herself up on the vegetable rack so she can grab hold of a carrot.
‘Yum, Rosie. Carrots are good for you.’ I make an encouraging face and she stuffs the end into her mouth, then grimaces. It’s hard not to laugh.
I sweep her up into my arms, settling her back on my hip and head off to see what Antonio is doing. He said he was working from home today but he’s very quiet.
‘Let’s go find Daddy, shall we?’ Rosie looks up at me and grins.
‘Dada,’ she replies, waving her carrot. If only I could get her to actually eat one, I’d be delighted.
Walking into the upstairs office something doesn’t look quite right and I stop to gaze around. Why has Antonio been tidying up when he said he was going to be busy? He gave me a grateful hug when I said I’d take Rosie off to do the shopping to give him some peace and quiet.
His laptop isn’t on the desk and his work diary isn’t there, either. Nor his briefcase. Ah, I expect he’s been called into work. I just assumed he was still here and that his car was in the garage.
‘Daddy’s gone to work, Rosie.’ Little eyes look up at me and she frowns. But as I continue to scan the room a cold feeling starts to wrap itself around my core.
Rosie wobbles but I clasp her to me as I rush into the bedroom, pulling open the wardrobe door adjacent to the bed. I gasp and stand back, unable to comprehend the hangers now stripped bare, some lying in a tangled heap at the bottom.
I snuggle my arm around Rosie’s shoulders, giving her a reassuring squeeze as my feet carry us back into the office. Placing her down on the floor I slam the door shut and begin frantically pulling out the drawers of Antonio’s desk.
It’s clear some things are missing as the top drawer is half empty. When I pull out the bottom drawer, though, it’s stuffed full of letters. All I can see is red ink staring back at me as if it’s become the new black. I grab a handful and stare down at them for a moment in sheer disbelief before throwing them on the desk.
Overdue … final demand … debt collection agency … notice of enforcement … County Court Judgement. Looking down at the open drawer, there must be over fifty similar letters and I collapse down in a heap onto the chair. My head is spinning and my hands are trembling.
Tears fill my eyes as I look across at Rosie playing, blissfully unaware that our world has just come crashing down around us. My pocket begins to vibrate and I pull out my phone, hoping it’s Antonio. Maybe this isn’t what it seems, at all … but then I see it’s Mum calling. I switch it off and sit back, tears silently falling in a torrent down my face. I’m too numb to take it all in. None of this makes any sense to me and I simply don’t know what to do, or where to turn next.