The Yummy Mummy’s Survival Guide. Liz Fraser

for impractical bonnets and My Baby’s First Photo Album schmaltz instead. Her face displayed a look I can only describe as something between disappointment and disgust. I bet she regrets it now. I became so used to having a muslin square over my left shoulder to catch any post-feed spills that I frequently walked around with one even though my baby was somewhere else. They are also indispensable for lying your baby down on if you need an emergency change somewhere less than spotless, as a very thin layer in hot summer months instead of a blanket, or as a makeshift sunshade if you’ve left yours at home as I always seemed to.

       15. Bibs

      Loads and loads and loads. Soft ones which do up at the back are best, unless you want to smear egg into your baby’s hair as you remove it. Done that many times.

       16. Changing bag

      This will go with you everywhere from now on, and should be able to fit a nappy, wipes, a bottle of milk, a food jar, a spoon, one change of baby clothes, small toys, a travel changing mat and some lipstick. It doesn’t need to be designer, but something pretty which you will be proud to carry everywhere with you will do.

       17. A baby sling

      This is not in case you do break one of his arms while getting him dressed, but to carry him around in if you don’t fancy heaving the pram over any rough terrain, or when you could do with sharing some body heat. Front carriers (aka papooses or slings) are very useful for times when a wheeled vehicle is unnecessary or inappropriate. Make sure the part near your baby’s mouth is removable and washable—it will get disgustingly pasted with slobber and bits of sick. That covers the essential items you should get for your new baby. It’s a huge list, and it costs a large fortune, but, unless you subscribe to the ‘swaddling clothes and an old rag doll’ approach to childcare, then you should find them all very useful or even essential. Best send your bank manager some flowers, smartish.

       Things You Will Feel You Should Buy, but Don’t Need and Won’t Use

      

Baby bath. See Bathing Your Baby in Part Six.

      

Cot bumpers. Totally unnecessary, very flouncy and possibly dangerous due to the loose ties.

      

Pillow. Babies need to lie flat, because their necks just aren’t up to any crooking. Apart from the fact that they’ll just end up underneath the pillow anyway. No pillow.

      

Changing station. The floor will do. Safer, cheaper and takes up much less room, which will now be at a premium.

      

Baby rucksack thing. Unless you live in the Highlands, you will spend a lot of money (upwards of £60 for a good one) on a large unfoldable object which lives in the attic. Borrow this from a friend for the three occasions you’ll ever need one.

      

Playpen. Huge, ugly and never used. If you must lock your baby in a cage, then a travel cot would be as good.

      

Nappy disposal system. Why would you want to keep nappies full of poo inside your house for more than two minutes? Throw them in the wheelie bin immediately!

       The Ultimate Luxury Baby Gear—Because Looking Good Doesn’t Stop with You

      

Storksak Classic Shoulder Bag: Finished with a chic leather trim, with a wipe-clean interior and pockets for hot or cold bottles.

      

Posh Baby Changing Bag: As used by Ms Paltrow and Ms Cox-Arquette, has metal feet so everything doesn’t get soaked from the bottom up, and is the most sturdy I’ve seen. The Reversible Day Bag/Tote is slightly cheaper, machine-washable, with straps long enough to stretch right across the pram handle, which I could have done with at times.

      

Petit Planet: Made of soft nappa leather and pony skin, these luxurious bags have been designed to cater for every emergency in true Yummy style. Mobile phone pouch, make-up compartment, washable changing mat and much more.

      

Dior Baby Bottles: Oh go on—it’s quite funny!

      

Bill Amberg Sheepskin Snuggler: This supremely cosy snuggle-bag is fully machine-washable and mouth-wateringly stylish. It is also great for lining prams on cold winter walks.

       And some cheaper alternatives…

      I am always happy to buy second-hand baby clothes and toys, but somehow when it came to the basics of pram, cot, high-chair and so on, I had to have them new, clean and unexposed to another baby’s snot and spit. Just a personal thing, which probably involves some irrational motherly pride too. You can get some fantastic second-hand bargains at car-boot sales and by looking on good old eBay, and never be too proud to accept a hand-me-down from a friend or relative. I’ve just inherited a friend’s buggy, as our old one finally caved in after seven years of hard wear, and, while it’s not the loveliest piece of baby equipment I’ve ever owned, it’s free, and it’ll do the next six months perfectly.

      If none of this sounds appealing, and new is really what you’re after, try these for value and no loss of style:

       High Street Clobber

      Mothercare has come a long way since the days of shapeless dungarees and flowery blankets. They stock all the necessary basics at reasonable prices, and just occasionally you can spot a really stylish piece.

      Other stores to take a look at, while you are actually shopping for yourself and not your baby, include Boots, Argos and John Lewis, and if you can set an entire Sunday aside, then never forget Ikea. Flat-pack equals better value, remember?

       Online

      This is the best place to start to get an idea of the styles you like. If you can bear to buy without touching and smelling first, it’s also the easiest way of baby-furnishing your house. Search under ‘baby equipment’ and you’ll have enough choice to satisfy even your high standards.

      TOP TIP: I have heard miserable tales of cots and prams arriving late, with bolts and screws missing, leaving the baby to sleep in a drawer for a few weeks and Mummy unable to go out until the extra parts arrived. Order online items with plenty of time to spare, and be ready to get your Ikea ‘how does this fit together’ head screwed on.

       For You

      

Yummy Mummy clobber. There is a complete list in Part Seven, but for now you might want to sort out some earplugs and a blindfold, if you are intending to get any rest in the hospital at all, and maybe the new Mummy-friendly handbag should make an appearance before you go into labour—because it’s fun, and because you will need it the moment you step out for the first time. Your new make-up and beauty