‘Do you want to sleep here tonight, or would you rather go up to your room?’ he asked.
‘Here, please,’ she whispered. ‘Here with you.’
That wasn’t what he’d meant. Not at all. The sofa downstairs had served him well enough and he’d planned on tucking her in and leaving her in peace. If company was what she needed right now then it was the least he could offer, given how much she’d done for him.
He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and urged her towards the bed, scooting her across the sheet as he climbed in beside her and drew the quilt up over them. Mia curled in to him, and he pulled her closer, shielding her body as though he could protect her from the pain she was suffering. She nestled in against his shoulder like a kitten seeking warmth. He lay back and stared upwards, the light from the bathroom casting shadows across the ceiling.
‘I didn’t mean to lose it just now. Mum’s in hospital, the same one where they took Jamie, you know, afterwards. I told you last time it’s the strangest things that set me off.’ She shook her head to ward off the tears gathering in her throat. ‘Anyway, things with Mum and Dad have never been easy. I think they must have loved each other once, but when I look at them through grown-up eyes they seem such an odd match. He’s a scholar, career-focused and obsessed with all things ancient Greek. She drinks.’
There was so much pain wrapped up in those two words. Shame washed over him. How many people had he hurt like this in his own pursuit of oblivion? She needed to know. ‘I drank. Took stuff too. Nothing too hard, pills, a bit of blow now and then. It started as a way to handle the attention, a quick shot or a sniff to calm my nerves. Became a bit more than that, but everyone around me was doing it so it felt normal. If I hadn’t left town when I did, I’m not sure where I might have ended up.’
‘Do you miss it?’ Her soft question startled a bark of laughter from him.
‘Christ, no. It’s the thing that scares me most about the idea of going back to London. I don’t know how to live that life and not get sucked back into it.’
***
She could feel him trembling against her, sense the fear in his voice. What had it taken for him to make such an admission? He’d shown no signs of needing a drink, and she knew them all by heart from watching her mother. The nervous check of her watch, the glances flicked towards the drinks cabinet as the afternoon ticked past to an hour deemed acceptable for alcohol. The not-so-funny jesting remarks. ‘The sun’s past the yardarm. It must be five o’clock somewhere.’ And five o’clock became four, then three, then a quick tipple with lunch, a nip of sherry at eleven, a splash of vodka in the breakfast orange juice.
She couldn’t cope with another alcoholic in her life. ‘Promise me you’ll say if that changes.’
‘I swear, if I even think about a drink, I’ll find a programme. I don’t want to be that man, Mia. Fitz is the past, a character I played for a while, but he isn’t me.’
He was filling up the dark empty corners of her heart, piece by piece, and Mia had to make him understand what she was feeling before things got any more complicated between them. She didn’t want to be a pity project, a way for Daniel to make himself feel better by taking care of her. If he was looking for a cause to champion, he’d have to look elsewhere. If they were going to make something of the growing bond between, it would need to be on equal footing. She would have to do her part and take care of Daniel and his needs as well.
‘I was thinking today, before the phone call, when I was making dinner,’ she started to speak and then sat bolt upright. ‘Damn, you put the plates in the oven to keep warm and we’ve left them in there.’ Mia started to scramble for the edge of the bed, but he stopped her with a gentle touch.
‘Stay here in the warm and I’ll go and sort them out. If it’s still edible I’ll bring it up or we’ll be starving later. Can you manage a bite to eat?’ Mia nodded and sat back against the pillows.
‘You don’t have to wait on me, Daniel. I’m really okay; I can help.’
‘Indulge me, please? I’ll be two minutes.’ Good to his word, he was soon back with the two plates of pasta on a tray with some cutlery and a large bottle of water, cold from the fridge. Once they stirred the food, it was fine as she hadn’t stinted on the cream sauce, and they sat together in the bed sharing the water between them as they ate.
‘So, you were thinking when you were cooking…’ Daniel prompted.
It was crunch time. ‘Oh. Yes, well. I was thinking about how much I like you being here with me. I’m not saying I want anything to happen between us.’ She blushed and felt a little ridiculous when he grinned at her.
‘You sure know how to boost a man’s ego.’ The teasing tone set her at ease.
‘I’m not saying I don’t either. I just…’ She huffed out a breath. ‘I don’t know what I’m saying.’
‘I don’t think either of us are in the place to be making big steps beyond friendship. I like being around you, and I want to stay here with you. I want to see you achieve your dreams here.’ He glanced away then quickly back. ‘I’ll be honest, I think about what might be. A lot.’
She stared down at the remains of her pasta. ‘Me too.’
‘I know it’s overstepping the mark, but I can’t help myself making plans for the future. Whatever may or may not happen between us, I want to stay. This house feels like the first home I’ve had in years. I want to stay. With you. As friends, if nothing more. I’ve even got some ideas for converting the barn.’
Mia knew she probably looked dumbstruck as she stared open-mouthed at Daniel. It was almost as though he could read her mind as his words echoed perfectly her own feelings. ‘I want the same thing, whatever else happens here, I want us to always be friends, Daniel. I feel like we came together at a moment in time when we both needed the other so badly without even realising it. You have become so special to me in just a few weeks and I can’t bear to think that we might spoil this by rushing too far ahead or striving to feel something that just might not be there for us. I think we need to promise to be honest with each other, no matter what we fear the other person might say because it is only by staying true and trusting each other that we can hold this together. Do you agree?’
Mia reached up to cup his bearded cheek and he turned his head to press a kiss into the centre of her palm.
‘Yes, I agree. I also think we need to start sharing some of those sad stories, but not tonight and not all at once. The dark should be for whispering about our dreams and hopes for the future. Let’s save the tough stuff for the daytime, okay?’
It was such a sweet idea that it appealed deeply to Mia, to keep their most intimate times a haven, knowing that she could lie beside him and be safe and warm and not have to face anything upsetting or difficult. A time to plan and look to the future. It was perfect.
‘So tell me about these plans of yours.’ She settled back against her pillow and let him tuck the quilt under her chin as if she were a child. He drew back to his own side of the bed, leaving a clear space between them. He mimicked her position. Snug as two bugs in a rug, as her mother used to say when she still used to put Mia to bed. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and then listened with her heart open as Daniel described his fledgling ideas for converting the barns.
***
‘The air here is different, even the sky looks different. I didn’t realise how much the darkness of the city was getting to me until it was almost too late. You end up living this life that isn’t yours, if you’re not careful, and then you lose that part of you that your creativity and artistry needs to survive and thrive. I was so full of hope, so full of ideas and excitement when I moved to London. My pictures reflected that positivity. All my themes were of things to be celebrated.’
Daniel