As I used up the final jar of last year’s mincemeat for brownies, I wondered if mincemeat would also work as an ingredient in fudge – maybe even in Spudge, the mashed potato fudge I invented while we were living in Cornwall …
The Perseverance Chronicles: A Life in Recipes
Tom had been gone a couple of days when Jasper pointedly enquired after dinner one night if there was anything I wanted to discuss, but I just said we would have a little chat before he went to university and he gave me one of his looks.
I knew he was now an adult, and at some point I’d have to explain to him that I was going to leave his father and the cottage as soon as he’d gone off to university, but at that moment he was so happy that he’d got the exam grades he needed for his first choice, I didn’t want to rain on his parade.
Next day, when I let out the hens, I found it was one of those delicious late summer mornings that reminded me of the early honeymoon weeks of our marriage in Cornwall: dreamy swirls of mist with the warm sun tinting the edges golden, like pale yellow candyfloss wisps. You could easily imagine King Arthur and Queen Guinevere riding out of it in glorious Technicolor, all jingling bridles and hooded hawks, though if they had they would probably have been surprised to find themselves transported from the land of legend into a Lancashire backwater like Middlemoss.
The last remaining acres of darkly watchful ancient woodland that crowded up to the back of Perseverance Cottage would have looked normal enough to them, I suppose – apart from Caz Naylor, who as usual was camouflaged from headband to boots, Rambo-style. I spotted him flitting in and out of the trees only by the white glint of his eyeballs and the sweat glistening between the green and brown streaks on his naked chest. A blink and he was gone, back to wage war on the dangerous alien life form known to the uninitiated as the grey squirrel.
Still, even in Arthurian times they would probably have had some kind of shamanistic Green Man and so would be used to such goings-on, and the duckpond, chickens and vegetable patch out front would look reassuringly normal to them. But what would they have made of the huge, tumble-down old greenhouse, the remains of a previous tenant’s abortive attempt at market gardening? Or my battered, once-white Citroën 2CV? A 2CV that, I now noticed, had its hood down, so the seats would be soaked with dew and very likely lightly spattered with hen crap. Or even, which was much, much worse, duck gloop.
It was also listing drunkenly on one seriously flat tyre.
Tossing the last of the feed to the hens, I stuck my head inside the cottage door.
‘Jasper?’ I called loudly up the steep stairs, expecting him to be still asleep. By nature, teenagers are intended to be nocturnal, so it felt cruel to have to drag him out of his lair under the eaves each morning.
Instead, he loomed out of the doorway next to me, making me jump. ‘I’m here, Mum. What’s up?’
‘Flat tyre. You have your breakfast and get ready while I change it. I hope it’s a mendable puncture – the spare’s not that brilliant and if I have to buy a new one it’ll be worth more than the rest of the car put together.’
One of the Leghorns had followed me into the flagged hallway (a Myrtle: all the white hens are called that; and the browns, Honey) and I shooed it out again. There’s something terribly cement-like about hen droppings when they set hard.
‘I’ll change it,’ he offered. ‘Or I can cycle over.’
‘No, I’ll have it done by the time you’ve had breakfast, and you’ll be late otherwise.’
The medieval dig he was working at was only a few miles away, but the lanes between the site and us were narrow and twisty, so I worried about his safety. Annie calls it ‘mother hen with one chick’ syndrome, but she is just as dotty about Trinity, her rescued dog. And if I hadn’t been an anxious mother, then maybe I wouldn’t have demanded the right treatment for Jasper’s meningitis that time he was rushed into hospital, even before the tests came back positive … It didn’t bear thinking about.
Jasper wandered out again a few minutes later holding a piece of toast at least an inch thick, not counting the bramble jelly and butter, removed the wheel brace from my hand (giving me the toast to hold in exchange), and unscrewed the last nut.
‘Thanks, that was stiff. You’d think if I’d tightened it up in the first place, I’d be able to undo it easily, wouldn’t you?’
‘Dad not back yet?’ Jasper asked, glancing across at the large, ramshackle wooden shed Tom used as his workshop, with the ‘Board Rigid: Customised Surfboards’ sign over it.
‘No.’
‘Well, remember that time you asked him to go and buy a couple of pints of milk, and you didn’t hear from him for a week?’ he said, clearly with the intention of comforting me should I need it. But actually, I was sure he shared my feeling that his father’s increasing number of absences were a blessing, even though I was usually the one on the receiving end of Tom’s viciously sarcastic outbursts.
He couldn’t help but have noticed the way Tom had estranged himself from both of us, behaving more like a lodger than a husband and father.
Just let me get him safely off to university in October, then I can sort my life out – somehow, I prayed silently.
Jasper said nothing more, but retrieved his toast and went back into the house.
The first golden glow of the morning was fading, much as my love for Tom had quickly vanished once I’d grasped what kind of man I’d married: the mercurial type, an erratic moon orbiting my Mother Earth solidity. For years I’d thought that deep down he loved and needed me, and he’d always managed to sweet-talk me into forgiving him for anything and everything, although my exasperation levels had slowly risen as my son matured and my husband remained as irresponsible as ever. Have you ever imagined what it would be like to be married to Peter Pan once the novelty wore off? A Peter Pan with a dark side he kept just for me … like a sweet chocolate soufflé with something hard at its centre on which you could break your teeth – or your heart.
His cousin Nick, whose Mercedes sports car was slowly bumping down the rutted track towards me, scattering hens, wasn’t any kind of soufflé – more like one of his own devilishly hot curried dishes. He does cook like an angel, though, and he’s an expert on all aspects of food and cooking, writes books and articles and has a page in a Sunday newspaper colour supplement.
The Pharamonds didn’t seem to do marriage terribly well and he’d had a volatile, semidetached relationship with Leila for years. She’s another chef, which was at least one too many cooks on the home front, by my reckoning. I was glad to see she wasn’t with him that day, because Leila is a lemon tart. Or maybe, since she’s French, that should be tarte au citron?
Miaou.
I resolved not to be catty about her, even if every time we met she contrived to make me feel like a lumbering great carthorse. She’s an immaculately chic, petite, blue-eyed blonde, while I am tall and broad-shouldered, with green eyes flecked with hazel, fine light brown hair in a permanent tangle, and the sort of manicure you get from digging vegetable beds without gloves on.
Unks – Great-uncle Roly – didn’t like her either. He said if it weren’t for her refusing to stop working all hours in her restaurant in London and settle down, there would have been lots of little Pharamond heirs by then. But he couldn’t have thought this through properly, because if they were a combination of the scarier bits of Nick and Leila, that would be quite alarming indeed.
Leila was married before and was fiercely independent, with her own swish apartment above her restaurant; while Nick had a small flat in Camden. And considering he spent at