I give Livvie a hug and I can feel the turmoil and confusion like a ball whirling around her. It’s the reason why our lives are so different; Livvie was born with a business head and I was born with the ability to cope with family emergencies. Emotion is an annoyance to Livvie, but it’s at the heart of my existence. If I had received that phone call I would already have been in the car without a moment’s hesitation.
‘I hate hospitals. I think I’m allergic to them.’
‘I know, but your mum needs you right now, Livvie. You can do this, really you can. And don’t worry about what’s happening here. Things aren’t going to fall apart overnight.’
I’m anxious on her behalf, hardly giving a thought to the offer I’ve made so easily, as if it is nothing. Once I’m on my way home it hits me with full force. Livvie is heading into a situation for which she isn’t prepared and I, too, am about to find myself exploring unknown territory, alone. Heck, I’m not even sure I have the necessary experience to handle this on my own.
~
‘Thanks, Dawn, I feel like I’m going off on a jolly,’ I admit. Inside my head, though, there’s a battle between guilt and self-doubt raging war against each other. I realise I hadn’t given any thought at all to how the girls will react when they find out I’m going away. Josh was understandably surprised when I rang him, but when I explained the situation he put me at ease. He waved away my concern about landing him with the girls and having to make arrangements at short notice. Sitting right alongside that sensation of fear lying in the pit of my stomach was a tinge of excitement and I wondered if he had heard that reflected in my voice.
‘Josh will be home by four-thirty. To say thank you, how about you and Rich coming over for dinner on Saturday evening? Tell Rich I’ll make his favourite risotto.’ The chatter is a way of calming my nerves, which are beginning to pump adrenalin around my body at an alarming rate. I have everything crossed that the travel agent has managed to sort out the change of name for the tickets. But I know that Livvie will be on the case and she always manages to make things happen. She’s not the sort to sit and hold anyone’s hand. Instead she’ll opt to wait outside and her phone won’t leave her hand.
‘You don’t have to do that, it’s not often you ask for a favour and now Will’s at university I’ve told you, I’m free any time. Besides, the girls are fun to be around. I learn a lot.’ She chuckles and I don’t even want to think about the useless bits of information and gossip she overhears from my two.
‘You’re a great neighbour! The best, have I ever mentioned that before?’ I laugh lightly, as I continue packing the suitcase in front of me.
‘Once or twice, usually when you want something,’ she banters. ‘Have a ball! How often do you get to have an experience like this?’
‘Well, it is work, Dawn,’ I reflect, soberly. ‘There wasn’t anyone else to step in at such short notice. Livvie knew it, and I knew it, too. It’s not as if I was chosen to represent her on this trip.’
‘You know, Ellie, you don’t give yourself enough credit at times. I bet you do as much working part-time as most manage to fit into a full working week. Livvie is very lucky to have someone to rely on at a time like this.’
I hadn’t looked at it like that. Livvie is simply the sister I never had and this isn’t only about work, but friendship as well. As I wave Dawn goodbye, it’s already too late to stop what has been put in motion. But my conscience is telling me that this is about doing a good deed, or maybe paying Livvie back for putting her trust in me when I returned to work. I pushed away the fleeting thought that maybe I was grasping at a chance to have an adventure, or even to prove to everyone that I too can be that consummate professional. It isn’t something I’ve ever yearned for because my life already feels complete. I work first and foremost to benefit the family and bring in a little extra money, and secondly because it keeps me busy when the girls aren’t around. Or maybe this is fate and I’m simply a pawn, being moved from one square to another – who knows?
~
‘I’m at Heathrow and about to go in search of a cup of coffee.’ I try to keep my words even and light, which is an enormous effort given that my stomach is now churning with nerves. The last few hours have been quite stressful, but the moment I arrive at the check-in desk relief washes over me, calming me down. Part one of my journey is now ticked off on Livvie’s itinerary and I haven’t fallen at the first hurdle. Livvie would have taken this in her stride, of course, but I’m not used to travelling on my own.
‘I’m just glad to hear your voice. I miss you – we miss you. The girls want to have a quick word, but don’t hang up afterwards.’ I can hear the anxiety in Josh’s voice and the reluctance with which he hands over the phone is tangible. Going away for a couple of days on a course is one thing, but flying off to another country is something else entirely. The concern is running like an undertone beneath his words.
The girls start babbling with excitement, both of them throwing questions at the phone and talking over each other. They are clearly impressed and maybe even a little shocked by my behaviour. I mean, this is their mum, the person who is always there because that’s my real job.
‘Slow down, girls. I don’t have a lot of detail other than I’m heading for a villa just outside the town of Castrovillari. It’s in southern Italy, you know, the bit that looks like a big boot. I have no idea how hot it’s going to be when I get there and, no, I don’t think there’s going to be a swimming pool.’
Then it’s on to the mundane things, as Rosie has misplaced one of her school books. Then Hettie wants to know whether I’d be back in time to ferry her to and fro for a friend’s birthday party on Friday evening. When Josh finally wrestles the phone out of their hands his voice is in sharp contrast to the girls’ bubbling enthusiasm about my adventure.
‘Mum can’t worry about Friday evening, Hettie, I’ll sort that. Listen, Ellie, I just want you to be aware of what’s going on around you. Travelling alone isn’t ideal, darling, so please take extra special care of yourself.’ He’s emotional and I feel sad that there hadn’t been time to give him a goodbye hug.
‘Yes, boss! I’ll be careful, but everything has been arranged so all I have to do is sit back and be driven around. Three days and I’ll be back home. I’m counting the hours.’
‘Me, too, darling. Have you heard anything from Livvie?’
‘It’s not good news. Her mother has broken her arm and fractured a bone at the top of her leg. They are going to operate on her arm, but the other fracture will have to heal over time. Livvie is panicking. I don’t quite know what she’s going to do, as she’s freaking out just having to make hospital visits. It’s all very worrying, as she’s no nurse, that’s for sure. And her house is so impractical for an invalid.’
‘She’s a capable and successful business woman, Ellie. I’m sure she’ll figure out a solution. In the meantime, you’ve done everything you can and I might add that I’m feeling I’ve been relegated to second place.’ I can hear the concern creeping into his words, even though he’s trying to disguise it with humour.
‘It all happened so quickly. I’m sorry there wasn’t any other solution, darling. A lot hangs on this deal and it could take away a few problems. So much is mass produced these days and looks like what it is, rather bland and cheaply turned out. This is quality stuff at very affordable prices. Unique pieces that could elevate the finished look of any design, because they can’t be found anywhere else. Anyway, we won’t know for sure until I’ve seen