When she finally stepped off the bus near Paddington, she navigated her way along the frantic, noisy pavements, sidestepping a couple whose arms were linked but frustratingly refused to unlink to let her pass. She breathed in the damp, evening air, assaulted instantly by the sounds, smells and sights of a very busy afternoon in the city. She hailed a cab before the rain completely soaked her through and reeled off the directions to her shared apartment with Neil in Carlton Road. She watched as fat raindrops pattered against the window, then dribbled down lazily.
She supposed it hadn’t been a complete lie when she’d told Brian that she was feeling under the weather, because she was definitely feeling low. The thing was, she was always under so much pressure and had been since she was young. It weighed down on her shoulders daily as if she were wearing a ridiculously heavy coat, or trying to walk with chains pulling her down, making her slouch and feel weary like a woman fifty years her senior. Rosa had never walked like that. Laurie frowned. She should still be enjoying life, living for the moments that made her smile and laugh. She didn’t feel like she was living life at all. She felt that all she was doing was existing and taking it day by day, struggling to find motivation in anything that she did. What she needed, she realised, was a break. She needed to build up enough courage to hand in her resignation, and then build up some more courage to face her mother with the fallout of doing such a thing. She knew it would end up being as catastrophic as the end of the world but she also knew that she’d been scared of the consequences for too long now. She couldn’t carry on for much longer. Laurie was certain that it would kill her if she continued this way, and what a sad end to her life that would be. She thought of Rosa once more, thought of how everything the young woman had ever wished for had been snatched away so suddenly with her life. It was scary, terrifying even. Rosa’s death was having a profound effect on Laurie; she wasn’t sure why and she wasn’t sure whether she should be thankful for it or not. Thoughts and feelings were emerging that she hadn’t faced for a long time and she wasn’t quite sure what to do with them.
‘Thanks.’ Laurie paid the cab driver once they’d reached her destination and stepped out, quickly covering her head with her leather holdall as she ran through the driving rain that she hadn’t expected from the month of June, her feet splashing in the puddles and soaking her trouser legs. Finally, she found shelter beneath the building where she lived and shook the drops from her holdall. It was an impressive mansion block with a private lobby and plush accommodation. She wouldn’t have been able to afford it on her own but, thankfully, she and Neil had found the apartment and moved in together, agreeing it was the first big step towards their life as a pair, as a couple. She adored it. The rooms were sleek, shiny and modern, with thick luxurious carpets running right the way through and a bathroom so white it was almost blinding. Being with Neil had shown her a more sparkly, expensive way of life and she supposed that in a small way he was the only goodness that she had in her life these days. He was clever and funny, loved to splash the cash around and irresistibly charming.
She wondered how she’d approach the subject of how she was feeling with him. They’d be able to discuss it together like couples often do, figure out a path for her to take and maybe even create a plan of action. She knew that Neil would take care of her while she looked for a new job; he was quite good in that respect, very macho and in control. She’d admitted that she was upset by Rosa’s death to him, but she hadn’t confided just how much it had affected her.
Drenched to her skin, she hurried into the lobby, almost skidded along the polished marble flooring, rushed down the corridor and shoved her key into the door. She frowned when she realised that it was already unlocked, which was odd. Neil worked late most nights so surely he wasn’t home already?
‘Hello?’ she called as she stepped inside the one-bedroom, first-floor apartment and closed the door behind her. ‘Neil?’ She shrugged off her soaking coat, placed her bag down on the floor beside the shoe rack and stepped further inside, kicking off her shoes as she went. Her toes sunk into the thick carpet as she stepped across it. She patted down her sodden hair and shrugged. Perhaps she’d left the door open that morning? It wasn’t surprising given the state that her head was in. If she’d lived anywhere else she would have been scolding herself for being so stupid but, thankfully, the pristine building had CCTV in the corridors and nobody would dare try break into such an expensive-looking establishment anyway. She sighed heavily and dropped her keys onto the glass-topped dining table as she passed it on her way into the kitchen.
Laurie flicked the kettle on and switched on the lights in each room as she made her way through the apartment, hating the gloominess which just so happened to match her mood perfectly. When she arrived outside the bedroom, she was about to push open the already ajar door but caught herself before touching the wood. She frowned and tilted her head down as she tried to make out the noises coming from within, but she already knew. Her stomach rolled and, with a frown, she clutched at her blouse.
‘Oh, Neil. Yes, yes, yes!’
‘You like that?’ A gruff voice asked, breathy and full of desire and, most importantly, disturbingly familiar. Laurie knew that voice so well.
‘Yes! Keep going, don’t stop!’ A groan. A very feminine groan, she noticed.
Trembling, Laurie took a couple of steps away from the door when what sounded like someone slapping an arse, really hard, ricocheted around her. Her hands slammed against her mouth as she covered the gaping hole between her lips. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what was happening behind her bedroom door. Whoever was beneath her boyfriend had called him by name so that answered her first question. Laurie tried to figure out what to do. She felt ridiculous for standing there, but she wasn’t ready to storm in and face whatever was happening because that would mean that it was real, and surely it wasn’t real. Was it? Could it be her imagination playing tricks on her after a rubbish day? Could she possibly be that stressed and fuzzy-headed that she was imagining bizarre scenarios that in no way could be real?
Seconds ticked by and the noise of the lovemaking session began to drown and envelop Laurie as she wavered in the corridor, too stunned to move. She thought about all of his declarations of love; expensive gifts, sexy lingerie, designer dresses and shoes. Or perhaps they hadn’t been declarations of love at all? They were only material items in the grand scheme of things. Now, Laurie realised how grand the gestures might have been but how little emotion had been behind them. Neil had never been one to keep things simple and Laurie had always enjoyed the lavish lifestyle they’d shared. Until now. Now, what she wanted more than anything was to storm through the door, catch her boyfriend and his companion in the act and lose her mind completely, let loose the stream of expletives that were circling in her mind. She could feel the anger surging, fiery and hot within her chest.
What the hell was she doing, standing there, suffering silently rather than making her presence known? To hell with this! Without another moment’s hesitation, Laurie smacked her hands against the door, throwing it wide open, and yelled, ‘What the hell is this?!’ at the top of her lungs. She was pleased with the reaction she received but it was quickly replaced with a lurch of disgust. Neil crawled away from his lover as soon as Laurie’s voice connected with him. Eyes wide and shocked that he’d been caught, he tumbled backwards off the bed, completely naked with everything on show. His friend, who’d scrambled frantically to cover herself with the silky duvet, Laurie’s silky duvet, let out a squeak of fright and looked back and forth between Laurie and Neil, trying to put two and two together.
‘Babe, what are you doing home already?’ Neil asked pathetically, breathlessly.
Laurie glared and took a few deep breaths before feeling calm enough to reply. ‘Do not call me babe,’ she whispered, her voice shaking. Her fingers flexed by her side.
Neil’s mouth opened and closed like a goldfish as he tried to summon up some sort of explanation, although it didn’t matter what he said next. Laurie had seen for herself what was going on. Neil looked nervous. ‘You said … You said you’d be gone till …’ He stood and pulled on his boxers, avoiding eye contact with the red-head staring at him pointedly from the bed.
‘Well, I wasn’t. I’m home. Right now,’