The song continues: ‘Yeah, like a what? Like-like-like a circus…’
I’m inside The Dub bar room in the Louisiana backwater of Kentwood, Britney’s hometown, where there are no hip places to be seen. Outside, there’s just pitch darkness. Inside, Billy and Sue from Starlight Entertainment are giving ‘Circus’ their best shot.
‘Y’all wanna know Britney?’ shouts the man at the bar, ‘The sweetest kid, sweet as pie. She’s alright, she’s alright. She knows where home is.’
If anywhere is rooting for her, it is Kentwood. It is here that she relaxed ahead of the launch of her 2009 ‘Circus’ tour in New Orleans, and it is here that she’ll head once an expanding worldwide tour wraps. Then, somewhere between here and Los Angeles, Britney will retreat to consider writing an autobiography first teased in the MTV documentary, Britney: For The Record, in December 2008: ‘I’ll have a good book one day…a good, mysterious book.’
Discussions have already taken place with publishers but plans remain on hold. Whether it happens sooner or later, one can only wonder how truly candid such a memoir can be under the control of the brand and the policing circumstances that come attached to her conservatorship. If her expressed attitudes of the past are any measure, Britney might feel like a prisoner writing a letter to the outside world, only for the guards to first check its content.
A true life story is always measured but the written word must be allowed to breathe with honest self-expression. I have some knowledge of the autobiographical market because, ordinarily, I’m a ghost-writer—that person who collaborates with a subject to translate their life into words. In that part-symbiotic, part-parasitic professional relationship between ‘ghost’ and ‘subject’, I’m granted an all-access pass to get under their skin, look through their eyes, get into their heads and capture their voice. It’s been my job for six years now, and has transported me into the world of royalty, sport and music as a detached observer who has vicariously witnessed life and media storms from within the ‘fame bubble’, always able to walk away yet often stunned by its intensity and ferocity. It is a perspective which has taught me the vast difference between the sold or reported ‘image’ of a celebrity, and the truth of the actual person; the distinction between reputation and true character.
There is, of course, a sliding scale of ‘celebrity’ from A through to Z-list. But Britney’s profile belongs in another stratosphere entirely, entering the realm of the iconic, where very few names reside. As much as many high-profile individuals talk about fame, few know what this level entails. It attaches twenty or thirty paparazzi lenses to your coat-tails, every day of the week, following and scrutinising your every move; a Home Office curfew-tag that diminishes personal freedom to such an extent that the only place to find true sanctuary is corralled by the four walls of your home or hotel suite.
Fame zooms in and magnifies every expression, foible, flaw or mistake and holds it against you for life. It clocks every bad skin day, every dimple of cellulite or extra pound on the hip or thigh. If you beg, scream or cry to be left alone for just one moment, it captures this and turns it into a headline of weeping, crisis, heartache or woe. Victoria Beckham once summed up this reality during a conversation at the World Cup in Germany 2006 when she said: ‘It is like a jacket that’s stitched to your back forever. Once you’ve put it on, there’s no taking it off.’
As a ghost-writer I hope to bring about an empathy that belongs more on the celebrity side of the fence, informed by the books I have written, the environments in which I have found myself, and the trusted circles into which I’ve been invited. As I’ve discovered, Britney’s circle is harder to get invited into but I have met her once, for about ten seconds, back in October 2003.
She was a guest on Channel 4’s Richard Se Judy show. A client had just finished recording that afternoon’s programme and we were in the Green Room for after-show drinks. Both Richard and Judy, and executive producer Amanda Ross, were on their toes, awaiting the arrival of the pop princess herself, ready to present her with a pink designer handbag and matching bracelet. I found myself waiting, both fascinated and curious, with a small group of pre-teens at the window overlooking the car park. I knew she’d arrived when a presidential-like cavalcade swept in, and this 22-year-old stepped out of an SUV with what can only be described as a ‘Ready Brek glow’. Her star-like radiance was somewhat obscured by the rolling bubble of hefty bodyguards in which she was cocooned. I moved into the corridor near the front entrance and she couldn’t have been more gracious with everyone. I said ‘Hello’, she said ‘Hi’ and that was the full extent of our memorable chat, which in my world has gone down as The Day I Met Britney.
I wasn’t the only one rendered giddily star-struck that day. Just ask former US Secretary of State Madeleine Albright. She, too, had been a guest, promoting her memoir. But when she saw her dressing room was adjacent to Britney, Bill Clinton’s hardened chief diplomat suddenly came over all soft. She asked that a photo be taken of her door nameplate next to that of ‘Britney Spears’ to impress her grandchildren. Such was the power of Britney’s fame.
With this book, it is my intention to reach behind the curtain and into that dressing room: to peel off the mask and discover the person inside. But a true understanding of character requires an expert analysis of both Britney’s childhood and life, and I’m no expert in such psychological matters. With this in mind, I have consulted a psychotherapist known for her spiritual and compassionate approach in dealing with clients in Hollywood. Like actors, psychotherapists are ten a penny in this town. But within the quantity, I’ve found quality via informed recommendation. This lady, who has clients in the entertainment industry, cannot provide an in-depth and 100 per cent accurate analysis that would ordinarily be derived from one-on-one sessions. However, within the discoveries embedded in Britney’s life story and the information gleaned from discreet sources, the insights that emerge will, I hope, encourage a compassion that gets people thinking about this story in terms of Britney the person, not Britney the act.
For four hours a week, for three months, I sat on the psychotherapist’s couch ‘as Britney’ in an attempt to get inside her head, and look through her eyes, based on all the information that was collated. Therapy, by its nature, is challenging because it often faces a wall of denial in the truth that it asks individuals to face. One thing I can state categorically: therapy—and the insights it stirs—provides more hope for Britney than returning her to the stage.
Of course, in Hollywood, it is the entertainment value that counts. Publicists and promoters are retained to prop up the facades. These are the ‘The PR Generals’ employed to defend, mitigate, deny and obfuscate when human frailty starts to unstitch a carefully woven celebrity image. Britney’s cry for help in 2007-8 meant her image fell apart at the seams. No longer could she maintain the act, leaving behind elements of truth that only a psychotherapist can properly discern.
For obvious professional reasons, the psychotherapist has asked not to be identified. It is, she says, the insights that matter, not the messenger. As you read on, you’ll notice her guidance and opinion throughout, marked by indented paragraphs, and in italics. This differentiation is deliberately designed to set apart my voice and that of the expert.
Aside from her couch, I have also sat with and interviewed the people who best know Britney, having worked with or shared friendship with her, witnessing the person at close quarters backstage. You’ll note, too, that many discreet sources have asked not to be identified. Such is the level of paranoia within Britney’s controlled world. But through their eyes and unique accounts, I hope a better picture emerges of the girl still struggling to be a woman as she continues to hold our fascination.
Britney wants to be loved and is desperate to be happy. If she can’t say it out loud, she expresses it in the big heart shapes that she doodles on paper and the large smileys she draws. That’s her one aim in life: big hearts, permanent smiles. In her 2002 publication, Stages, she said that if anyone really wants to understand who she is, they should go talk to the people who know her best.
With this in mind, I set off for America to explore the life of the idol that friends simply refer to as ‘Brit-Brit’.