Tantra and sexuality
Sexuality is a powerful force that motivates us in many ways. Your libido is the source of your sexual energy, or kundalini, that can be awakened through arousing your sexual fire. You unblock and channel the potent energy attached to sexuality so that it is available to enliven your whole being. Your body can dance with sensual excitement.
Tantra uses the fire of your sexual passion to fuel spiritual growth. Sexuality is a dynamic expression of your psyche – more a state of consciousness than a biological drive. It enriches your relationships and your life.
The quality of attention and togetherness achieved during sex allows you to engage with your partner at a deep level of intimacy. Focus on opening your heart so that you can feel the love within your heart pouring out, and enjoy a deep sense of connection – both with your lover, and through them with the rest of the world.
Take the first step to Tantric bliss by learning to love yourself. Before you can love your partner unstintingly, you must love yourself. Self-love is the key to self-development. Tantra deepens intimacy with your partner, but this means first taking responsibility for the quality of love that you can give. Look inside yourself to discover the depths of love. In Tantric sex, love is seen as a universal energy that is also inside you both individually. Through intimate lovemaking, you can explore and exchange this vital source of love.
If you lack confidence or are frequently emotionally demanding in a relationship, you risk becoming overly dependent on your partner; if you feel distant, you are likely to push your lover away. In order to be truly happy in a relationship, it is necessary to be joyful when you are alone.
You may, however, find it difficult at first to take the time you need to look after yourself. You may need to reframe your thinking, affirming that you are a worth-while human being and that finding the path to love and bliss is a basic human right. Tantra says that love and self-love is your birthright. It is not selfish to nourish yourself, pursuing activities that feed you. If you are used to pleasing others at your own expense, take the space to do what you enjoy. First of all you may require time alone, getting to know yourself and what motivates you; you can do this by recognizing the positive activities that nourish you – gardening, walking, dance, music or other creative hobbies. Explore your particular passions in life and live them. Someone else cannot be made responsible for fulfilling your needs. Let go of the negative aspects in your lifestyle and relationship that hold you back, such as any compulsive or self-destructive elements.
Although it may be tempting to skip this section and get right down to the sexual techniques explained later in this book, make a vow to start at the beginning – by looking after yourself. All the time you spend nurturing yourself will ultimately enrich your relationship as well. You will have so much more to bring to your lover. The fuller you are, the more fulfilment you will find together. To bring bliss into your relationship, you can learn here how to experience this heightened state independently. Then both of you can prioritize those aspects of your relationship that bring you nearer to joy and bliss, and enjoy it in abundance.
This Step shows you four Tantric principles with exercises that you can use now to release tension, and teaches you the Tantric secret of how to still the mind and awaken the sexual energy that fires your passion.
Relax and recharge your body
Your body is the temple of your spirit. For sex to be sacred, treat your body as sacred too. Most of us identify more with our minds than our bodies, but for Tantric masters you can conjure bliss most easily through your body. Your body is the site of your experience, the location of your opening up to the world. It is in your body that you feel precious moments of ecstasy, which are reached through bodily expression.
Consider the following; try them out as your daily mantras.
Through my body, I can transform my consciousness. I can be free from identifying myself only with my thoughts.
Through my body, I feel grounded and connected with everything around me.
Through my body, I can be in the moment and feel present, not tied to the past or the future.
Through my body, I can express everything there is to express, and do everything there is to achieve.
My body is awesome; its design, its function, its capacities. It is beautiful as it is.
Tantra describes the universe as a magical filament spun from threads of energy. The universe is dazzling, luminous. You are a part of this same fabric. You too are composed of vibrating energy. Worship the universe manifested in your being; learn to love what you see in the mirror. Your body is perfect and as lovely as a flower.
Total relaxation technique
The most important way to look after yourself is by learning to relax completely, so that you let go of tension in your body. Relaxing is not a waste of time. In fact, you may find that when you do nothing for a change, some of your most creative ideas pop into your head.
You can do the following three relaxation exercises every day. If you’re a busy person with a stressful lifestyle, try to spend twenty minutes each day in total relaxation – you can split this into two ten-minute sessions.
Begin by lying down on the floor with your neck supported on a slim pillow or a book. As you stretch out, let your spine lengthen and bring up your knees. There’s no need to press the small of your back flat into the floor – just let it relax naturally. Allow your head to drop back slightly, opening your jaw and letting your lips part. Throughout the exercise, keep your breathing natural and easy.
Relax your body. With each breath, let go of muscular tightness in your body. Let your back settle into the floor. Let your shoulders release downwards into the floor, and focus your attention on allowing the holding in your neck to melt away. Release any tension in the small of your back. Imagine that your breathing releases any backache and heals any pain in your body. Let the soles of your feet sink into the earth.
Now concentrate on widening your body. Let your hips spread out over the floor, taking up more space.
Every time you breathe, mentally encourage every cell within your body to expand. Send your breath down to the bottom of your ribcage, letting your chest expand more with each breath. Release any sense of holding or constriction, leaving more space for your heart to fill your chest. Let your shoulders spread out and take up more space. Let the healing energy of your breath dissolve muscular tension, stress and worry. Your healing breath can relieve tension and liberate your mind.
As you breathe, close your eyes and visualize your inner self; deeply relax and allow this sense of you to be free to find its own state of rest.
If your mind is distracted and busy, try to turn your eyes upwards. This reduces brain activity and promotes deep relaxation. Our bodies do this naturally when we sleep. You can also try this eye-turning technique during meditation or lovemaking, to still your mind if thoughts distract you.
Relax and chant
This exercise helps you relax deeply, using your voice to deepen your relaxation. The techniques here incorporate sound, so that your body sings as