Think about it, gentlemen. Suppose you’re at a party. An attractive woman spots you across the room. She wants to talk to you but she’s thinking, ‘Well, Mister, you’re attractive. But, golly, what can I say to you? You just ain’t got no Whatzit.’
Be a Whatzit seeker, too
Likewise, become proficient in scrutinizing the apparel of those you wish to approach. Why not express interest in the handkerchief in the tycoon’s vest pocket, the brooch on the bosom of the rich divorcée, or the school ring on the finger of the Director whose company you want to work for?
The big spender who, you suspect, might buy a hundred of your widgets has a tiny golf-club lapel pin? Say, ‘Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice your attractive lapel pin. Are you a golfer? Me, too. What courses have you played?’
Your business cards and your Whatzit are crucial socializing artifacts. Whether you are riding in the elevator, climbing the doorstep, or traversing the path to the party, make sure your Whatzit is hanging out for all to see.
Technique 12:
Always wear a Whatzit
Whenever you go to a gathering, wear or carry something unusual to give people who find you the delightful stranger across the crowded room an excuse to approach. ‘Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice your … what IS that?’
The next quickie technique was originated by doggedly determined politicians who don’t let one partygoer escape if they think he or she could be helpful to their campaigns. I call it the Whoozat technique.
What to do when he’s got no Whatzit
Say you have scrutinized the body of the important business contact you want to meet. You’ve searched in vain from the tip of his cowlick to the toes of his boots. He’s not sporting a single Whatzit.
If you strike out on finding something to comment on, resort to the Whoozat technique. Like a persistent politician, go to the party giver and say, ‘That man/woman over there looks interesting. Who is he/she?’ Then ask for an introduction. Don’t be hesitant. The party giver will be pleased you find one of the guests interesting.
If, however, you are loathe to pull the party giver away from his or her other guests, you still can perform Whoozat. This time, don’t ask for a formal introduction. Simply pump the party giver for just enough information to launch you. Find out about the stranger’s jobs, interests, hobbies.
Suppose the party giver says, ‘Oh, that’s Joe Smith. I’m not sure what his job is, but I know he loves to ski.’ Aha, you’ve just been given the icebreaker you need. Now you make a beeline for Joe Smith. ‘Hi, you’re Joe Smith, aren’t you? Susan was just telling me what a great skier you are. Where do you ski?’ You get the idea.
Technique 13:
Whoozat?
Whoozat is the most effective, least used (by nonpoliticians) meeting-people device ever contrived. Simply ask the party giver to make the introduction, or pump for a few facts that you can immediately turn into icebreakers.
Now the third in our little trio of meeting-who-you-want tricks.
‘I just thought I’d eavesdrop in and say “hello”’
The woman you’ve decided you MUST meet is wearing no Whatzit? Can’t find the host for the Whoozat technique? To make matters worse, she’s deep in conversation with a group of her friends. Seems quite hopeless that you will manoeuvre a meeting, doesn’t it?
No obstacle blocks the resolute politician, who always has a trick or ten up his or her sleeve. A politico would resort to the Eavesdrop In technique. Eavesdropping, of course, conjures images of clandestine activities – wire tapping, Watergate break-ins, spies skulking around in the murky shadows. Eavesdropping has historical precedent with politicians so, in a pinch, it comes naturally to mind.
At parties, stand near the group of people you wish to infiltrate. Then wait for a word or two you can use as a wedge to break into the group. ‘Excuse me, I couldn’t help overhearing that you …’ and then whatever is relevant here. For example ‘I couldn’t help overhearing your discussion of Bermuda. I’m going there next month for the first time. Any suggestions?’
Now you are in the circle and can direct your comments to your intended.
Technique 14:
Eavesdrop in
No Whatzit? No host for Whoozat? No problem! Just sidle up behind the swarm of folks you want to infiltrate and open your ears. Wait for any flimsy excuse and jump in with ‘Excuse me, I couldn’t help but overhear …’
Will they be taken aback? Momentarily.
Will they get over it? Momentarily.
Will you be in the conversation? Absolutely!
Let us now hop back on the train that first explored Small Talk City and travel to the land of Meaningful Communicating.
Don’t drop a frozen steak on their platter
You wouldn’t dream of going to a party naked. And I hope you wouldn’t dream of letting your conversation be exposed naked and defenceless against the two inevitable assaults ‘Where are you from?’ and ‘What do you do?’
When asked these questions, most people, like clunking a frozen steak on a china platter, drop a brick of frozen geography or baffling job title on the asker’s conversational platter. Then they slap on the muzzle.
You’re at a convention. Everyone you meet will, of course, ask ‘And where are you from?’ When you give them the short-form naked-city answer ‘Oh, I’m from Muscatine, Iowa’ (or Millinocket, Maine; Winnemucca, Nevada; or anywhere they haven’t heard of), what can you expect except a blank stare? Even if you’re a relatively big-city slicker from Denver, Colorado; Detroit, Michigan; or San Diego, California, you’ll receive a panicked look from all but American history professors. They’re rapidly racking their brains thinking ‘What do I say next?’ Even the names of world-class burgs like New York, London, Paris, and Los Angeles inspire less-than-riveting responses. When I tell people I’m from New York City, what are they expected to say? ‘Duh, seen any good muggings lately?’
Do humanity and yourself a favour. Never, ever, give just a one-sentence response to the question, ‘Where are you from?’ Give the asker some fuel for his tank, some fodder for his trough. Give the hungry communicator something to conversationally nibble on. All it takes is an extra sentence or two about your city – some interesting fact, some witty observation – to hook the asker into the conversation.
Several months ago, a trade association invited me to be its keynote speaker on networking and teaching people to be better conversationalists.