I was willing to work—to slog my guts out, in fact. I’d always wanted to be a singer—I’d never entirely given up, no matter how many knock-backs I’d had. No matter how many people had told me I wasn’t quite right: not blonde enough, not cute enough, not sexy enough, not … something enough. All those auditions and meetings that ended in the same conversation: ‘You have a strong voice, but we’re looking for XXX’—and then it was just a matter of filling in the blanks. They were looking for someone older. Or younger. Or Korean. Or, on one occasion, someone fatter—they were going for a plus-sized girl-group vibe. There was always something missing, something not right.
Jack Duncan hadn’t said I wasn’t right, though. He’d said I was fresh, and talented, and authentic, which I knew from watching The X Factor was a good thing. He wanted me to come to London, to meet his mysterious music-biz friend Simon (my heart wished for Cowell, but my head said don’t be so gullible). He was offering me the chance I’d been waiting for—and if it worked out, not only could I be a success, but I could share that success with my family. Pay off their mortgage. Send my mum and dad on that cruise they were always talking about. Make sure that Becky’s baby wanted for nothing. Get Luke a personality transplant.
It wouldn’t just change my life—it would change theirs as well.
But on the other hand—although both my hands were a bit shaky now as I was halfway through that bottle of Prosecco, chugging from the bottle like the pure class I was—I’d have to go to London. I’d have to leave my friends, my home, my family. I loved the bones of my family, and I’d only ever been away from them for a few weeks at a time for shameful holidays to Malia and Ibiza. If I was gone for too long I’d miss Becky’s baby being born, wouldn’t be around to welcome the next generation of Malones set to terrorise the world.
I’d have to leave Ruby, and my other friends, most of whom I’d known since I was a little kid. I’d have to leave Liverpool—a place I’d never dreamed of escaping from.
I’d have to leave my flat. My bed. My Lidl … how could I ever leave my Lidl, I thought, as I felt my eyelids droop shut and found just about enough conscious thought to put the bottle down before I crashed out into snoozeland. Once I was there, I was plunged into a very nice dream involving Jack Duncan, an igloo, a roaring log fire (I wasn’t sure how that would work in an igloo, but hey, it was dream so I was going with the flow), and bearskin blankets that smelled of my mum’s fabric softener …
‘Jess!’ Jack shouted, shaking me by the shoulders. I rolled over on the bearskins, sniffing the fragrance, and sighing.
He shook me again—a bit harder this time—and I decided I might go off him. Shaking a girl like this wasn’t very romantic.
I swatted his hands away, mumbling at him to bugger off and do the dishes, and he yelled again: ‘Jess! Wake up!’
Uggh. I opened one eye, and that was enough to tell me it hurt, and that I should definitely keep the other one shut. I lashed out, and realised that it wasn’t Jack shaking me at all—it was Ruby, her face so close to mine I was tempted to bite her nose off.
I glared at her instead, and pulled the duvet up over my boobs. I was glad I did, as I noticed right then that Keith was lurking in the doorway—his belly, so big he looked like he was about to give birth to miracle triplets, hanging over the waistband of his saggy boxers. He had one hand shoved down the front as well, which made him even more attractive.
‘Good morning, gorgeous,’ he said, leering at me, still poking around in his pants. I felt a bit sick in my mouth, and wished I had a lock on my door.
‘What do you want?’ I said to Ruby, glancing at the bedside clock and seeing it was only six a.m. I hadn’t voluntarily seen six a.m. since I did my Duke of Edinburgh Award and, even then, ‘voluntarily’ was stretching it. Nobody booked party princesses any earlier than ten.
‘Have you got any condoms?’ she asked, as though it was entirely normal. ‘We had one of those multi-packs but we’ve used them all up …’
‘It’s been all aboard the love train,’ added Keith, pulling an imaginary whistle and making ‘wooh wooh!’ noises. Seriously, if I’d had a shotgun, I’d have blasted his head off like one of the zombies on The Walking Dead.
‘No. Now fuck off …’ I muttered, pushing her away. ‘Try the Lidl. And close my door on your way out. And … go and get some bloody milk!’
Ruby backed off, a daft grin on her round face, bundling her almost-naked boyfriend out of the door as she did.
‘All right, Sleeping Beauty,’ she said, ‘I was only asking … no need to bite my head off …’
They giggled their way out of my room, slamming the door shut behind them. Oh. My. God. I was soooo tired. And so hungover. And so bloody fed up of my life.
I sat up, rubbed my eyes clear of the crusty stuff that had magically appeared overnight, and looked at myself in the dresser mirror. My long, highlighted hair was clumpy and tangled and the roots needed doing. My skin was pale and dry from too much party make-up. My blue eyes were exhausted, red-rimmed, and missing the sparkle that even I knew used to live in them.
I was only twenty-two, but I felt like everything was closing in around me. No matter how much I loved my family, no matter how much I loved Liverpool, I needed to make a change. I needed hope. I needed a total life make-over. I needed that chance that Jack Duncan was offering me.
I reached for my phone, his card lying tucked beneath it. It was too early to call, I decided. I suspected people in the music industry slept in even later than princesses. But I could still contact him on the email address.
‘Hi, it’s Jess,’ I typed, as quickly as I could with a hangover and long nails painted candyfloss pink, ‘we met at Jocelyn’s party yesterday. Give me a call when you can.’
I had a small debate about adding some kisses—I mean, everyone does that, don’t they? Ruby even puts kisses on the end of messages to her credit-card company. But no, I thought, let’s keep it professional.
That decided, I pressed send before I could change my mind, and sat very still for a few seconds, wondering if I’d done the right thing or not.
Well, it was too late to worry about that now—I’d already Let It Go.
Every single member of my family was wearing matching T-shirts. They all had a photo of my face on them—a nice one at least, the Cinderella we used on the party website—and the words TEAM JESSY emblazoned in red capital letters.
Becky’s was stretched over her now just-about-visible baby bump, and Mum’s was so big it hung down to her legging-clad knees. I suspected my dad had ordered them all in the same size—large enough to fit over his Guinness Six Pack—so everyone else was just having to make do.
We were all crowded on the platform at Lime Street Station, waiting for the London train to arrive. We gathered a few curious stares—which takes a lot in Liverpool, believe me—and a few ‘go on, girl’ type comments from men who were already on their third can of Special Brew.
They’d picked me up from the flat in Dad’s taxi, and I was allowed to ride in the front as a special treat. Ruby and Keith had waved me off, and that had started a wave of tears that I had a feeling wasn’t going to stop any time soon. Ruby and I had had our ups and downs, but I’d known her forever, and I was going to miss her.
I was going to miss everyone. Even Luke, and his rugby tackles. If someone rugby tackled me in London, I’d probably emerge without my handbag and my front teeth.
If