Book One
Best Friends - Summer of 1983
1
Thistledown, Missouri 1983
The inside of the car was hot, steamy with the heat radiating from the two teenagers making out in the back seat. The Camaro rocked slightly with their enthusiastic movements. The sound of mouths and tongues meeting and sucking, of sighs and groans and murmured pleasure, filled the interior and spilled out into the June night.
Julie Cooper believed she had died and gone to heaven. She had run into Ryan Tolber, a senior she’d had a crush on the entire year before, on her way to the bowling alley’s ladies’ room. One thing had led to another, and when he’d suggested she come out to his car with him, she hadn’t been able to say no.
Saying no was a big problem for Julie. Or at least that’s what her best friends, Andie Bennett and Raven Johnson, told her.
As far as Julie was concerned, saying yes was tons more fun than saying no. And, of course, that was the problem.
“Come on, Julie baby. I’m gonna die if we don’t.”
“Oh, Ryan … I want to, but—”
He cut off her words with his mouth. He kissed her deeply, spearing his tongue into her mouth, pressing her back against the seat. She thought fleetingly of Andie and Raven, inside the bowling alley and no doubt looking for her by now. Andie would be worried sick; Raven would be mad as hell. Julie knew she should go back into the bowling alley and tell them where she was.
All thoughts of her friends evaporated as Ryan brought his hands to her breasts and began kneading them. “No buts, baby. I want you so bad. I need you.”
Growing dizzy with his words and the sensations rocketing through her, she arched toward him. “I need you, too, Ryan.”
He slipped his hands under her shirt and cupped and stroked her through her bra. “All last year I liked you. I thought you were the cutest freshman girl of all.”
“Me? The cutest?” She gazed into his warm brown eyes, pleased at the compliment, feeling about to burst with happiness. “I liked you, too. Why didn’t you ask me out?”
“You were a freshman. That made you off-limits, babe.”
She nuzzled against his neck. “But I’m a sophomore now.”
“Exactly. And now that you’re older, you know what a boy needs.” He worked her shirt over her head, then unfastened her bra. Her breasts spilled out into his hands. “Oh, baby,” he muttered, his voice suddenly thick. “You have great tits. The best.” He pulled a nipple into his mouth while he squeezed and rubbed them. “Say yes, baby.”
Julie’s head fell back. She wanted to, she really did. It felt so good. Much better than … than anything. She shuddered and curled her fingers into his hair. Besides, it wouldn’t be fair to him if she said no now. After all, it was a proven fact boys needed sex more than girls. Starting this way and not finishing, well … it hurt them. She’d even heard that if it happened too often, their penises would go numb and eventually fall off.
And all because she wouldn’t go through with what she had started.
That would be awful. She would hate for that to happen to Ryan. Or any guy.
“You’re so beautiful, babe. So sexy. I love you. I really do.”
She drew away from him so she could gaze into his dark eyes. “You do?” she whispered. “You love me?”
“Sure, baby. I do. I love you so much. I can’t bear not to touch you. Let me in, Julie Cooper.” He moved a hand to the waistband of her shorts, unfastened the snap and slipped his hand inside. “Let me in.”
As his fingers brushed against her sex, she grabbed his shoulders, a low moan escaping her. She lifted her hips slightly so he could get his hand deeper between her legs, even as a part of her recoiled at her own behavior.
You’re the devil’s own, Julie Cooper. A Jezebel and a sinner.
Her father’s voice, his words, ones she had heard hundreds of times before, popped into her head. Cold washed over her, and she squeezed her eyes tight shut, trying to force her father out of her head.
Ryan loved her. That made it okay. It did.
She locked her thighs around his hand, her eyelids fluttering shut, tingling sensations rocketing through her. It felt so good. So incredibly good. Anything that felt so good couldn’t be wrong, no matter what her father said.
“Julie!” Someone rapped against the fogged window. “Is that you in there?”
“Get your ass out here!” another voice called. “If you miss your curfew—”
“Your dad’s going to kill you!”
Julie’s eyes snapped open. Andie. And Raven. They’d found her.
Dear God … her curfew.
She struggled to free herself, but Ryan locked his free arm around her waist, pinning her on his lap, his hand still between her legs. “Get lost,” he called. “We’re busy.”
“Julie!” Andie shouted, pounding on the window again.
“Are you nuts? Do you want to be grounded for the entire summer?”
Julie froze. Even one minute past her nine o’clock curfew would be met with severe punishment. An image of what her summer would be like passed before her eyes. No friends. No movies or parties or swimming. Hours spent on her knees studying the Scriptures and praying for forgiveness.
Her father at the pulpit, delivering his sermon, pointing at her, singling her out, calling her what she was.
Sinner.
She made a sound of terror. Her dad would do it, too. All of it. Without hesitation.
And if he had even one hint of what she had been up to, he would do worse, the way he always threatened. Send her away. Separate her from Andie and Raven. Send her to a place where she would have no one. She couldn’t bear to be alone like that again, the way she had been before Andie and Raven had become her friends.
Julie wiggled free of Ryan’s grasp. “I’m coming,” she called, scrambling around for her bra and shirt, yanking them on, then refastening her shorts. She found her hair band and pulled her long, wavy blond hair back into a high ponytail, combing it with her fingers. She dipped her fingers into her shorts’ pocket for her glasses, dark-rimmed, ugly things she hated and wore as little as possible. She had begged her father for contacts. He had refused, admonishing her sternly about vanity being the work of the devil, then had removed every mirror in the house save for the one in his and her mother’s bathroom, which he kept locked at all times.
Glasses clutched in her hand, she looked apologetically at Ryan. “Sorry. I had a great time.”
He cupped her face in his palms, his expression boyish and pleading. “Then don’t go. Stay with me, babe.”
Her heart turned over. He loved her. He really did. How could she leave when he—
The door flew open; light from the parking lot flooded the car’s interior. Andie stuck her head into the car. “Julie, come on! It’s twenty to nine.”
“Twenty to nine,” Julie repeated, a shudder of fear racing up her spine.
Ryan caught her hand. “Fuck your old man, babe. Stay with me.”
Raven appeared at the doorway then, all but growling at him. “Her old