Steve glanced back at Emily and shrugged. ‘Who knows? I mean, I don’t know her like you do but she’s always seemed a bit cold to me. I bet she’s not as good a mum as you are.’
Sophie smiled, despite herself. It wasn’t true but she loved Steve for saying it.
Steve reached for Sophie’s hand again. ‘Listen, I’d better get inside and leave you to do your duties.’ He kissed her on the lips, then whispered in her ear, ‘You look beautiful. Don’t forget that.’
Sophie watched him stride into the church with a mixture of feelings. She wanted to believe that she was enough for him. But she couldn’t allow herself. How could she? Beside the others, she felt dull, lumpy and colourless. Amy, standing ahead of her, preparing to walk down the aisle, looked like she had stepped straight out of a Pre-Raphaelite painting. Her smooth, creamy skin was perfectly offset by her flowing, diaphanous ivory gown and tumbling mane of gleaming auburn curls.
‘Steve looks gorgeous in his suit.’
Sophie looked down at Melissa, who had come to stand beside her and linked her arm through hers.
‘He does.’
‘And you look gorgeous in that dress. You make the perfect, gorgeous couple.’ Sophie knew that Melissa was just trying to make her feel better but even so, she was grateful. That was what Melissa always did. She would say or do something spectacularly annoying or upsetting one minute and the next, she would give the most insightful, wise advice and show incredible kindness.
Sophie watched Emily as she smoothed Jack’s hair and dabbed at an imaginary smudge on his cheek, making her think about Emma. They had decided not to bring her to the wedding, even though Amy had made it clear that she was welcome. They had left her at home with Steve’s mum, who was all too delighted to have her. But watching Emily and Jack now, Sophie felt a small ache of yearning. It was an unfamiliar sensation but it was unmistakable. She liked it.
From inside the church, the sound of a string quartet playing drifted out over the still, summer afternoon and Amy turned to look back at them. Her eyes shone with happiness and excitement. Sophie wondered if Amy had ever suffered a crisis of confidence. She doubted it. ‘No turning back now,’ Amy grinned. ‘Let’s go.’
‘Let’s go.’
Sophie looked up at Steve in surprise.
‘Really?’ She couldn’t hide her relief. It was almost ten o’clock and the evening was in full swing but she was desperate for it to be over. ‘Won’t it look bad if we leave now?’
‘I’m not sure anyone will notice if we just slip away.’
They stood for a moment longer, watching the shenanigans on the dance floor, which mainly centred around Melissa. She had been like an Exocet missile for available men all day and now that they had run out, she was busy infuriating numerous wives by making a play for their husbands. Sophie watched her with a combination of envy and unease. Envy because Melissa seemed to find it so easy to let herself go and have fun. Unease because, just like in Brighton, she seemed out of control.
Sophie strongly suspected that it wasn’t just the effects of alcohol she was witnessing and that Melissa was also getting an extra kick from somewhere. Working for a record company, Melissa had often talked about how many people used cocaine. Sophie didn’t particularly disapprove – there were plenty of people in TV who used it too – but she worried about the situations Melissa was getting herself into, especially when it came to men.
As for Amy, she had glided through her big day as if she was walking on air, and she was still positively glowing as she danced with Nick now. It was as though they were caught in their own private, beautiful bubble. She and Nick both looked as though they had stepped straight out of the pages of Vogue and they seemed so happy together. Sophie hadn’t always been sure about Nick. He was almost too good to be true. And it worried her that he had persuaded Amy to give up her job. But then again, she reasoned, Amy had never made any secret of the fact that she was desperate to start a family and she had never been particularly passionate about her career either.
Watching them today, there was no doubting the love they felt for each other, so Sophie had buried any misgivings.
She had done her bridesmaid’s duties and smiled obligingly throughout the day, all the while feeling as if she was standing apart, watching someone else. The strain was huge and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could stand it.
‘Come on – I can see how hard this is for you.’
Sophie’s stomach dropped. ‘Is it that obvious? I thought I was doing a really good job of pretending.’
Steve put his arm around her tense shoulders and pulled her to him, kissing the top of her head as he did so. ‘You are. I’m really proud of you. But I can tell that you’ve had enough. If we go now we can be home by midnight.’
Sophie wrapped her arms around him, breathing in his smell and enjoying the warmth from his body. ‘I love you.’ It was the first time she had said it for months. Probably because it was the first time she had felt it for months.
‘I love you too,’ Steve murmured, with a slight crack in his voice.
From the distance of a year, it was hard to remember how bad she had felt back then. Sophie’s insides curdled with shame if she thought about it for too long, especially how she had felt about her darling Emma, now eighteen months old and only just starting to toddle. Sophie smiled as she pictured her little girl, with her cloud of silky blonde hair and her huge navy blue eyes that always made Sophie melt. It had taken so long to bond with her but when she finally did, it was like a dam bursting and now she couldn’t get enough of her. She’d made sure she’d packed plenty of photos to show the others this time.
It seemed like a lot longer than a year since they had all been together. A new millennium had dawned and Sophie certainly felt as though she had lived a whole life in between. Becoming a mother had changed her. It had shaken her to her core but she had survived and emerged stronger than before.
The fact that Amy – or rather Nick – had organized the Brighton weekend instead of her, had added to her general feeling of being out of kilter. But now, having returned to work as a producer on a big new reality show called Big Brother, and literally being back in the driving seat, she could feel herself regaining some of the vitality she had lost.
She pulled into a side road that took her to the parking spaces behind the tall Regency town house she had rented. It was so much easier now that she could go onto the Internet and book online, seeing the house properly before actually booking it. She climbed out and stretched, looking up at the gleaming sash windows with the sun glinting against the inky blackness and smiled to herself. It was exactly as it had looked online. She took her bag out of the boot and made her way to the back door.
She was casting around for the pot under which the owner had hidden the key when the door flew open. ‘Sophie!’ yelled Amy, tumbling over the step in her hurry to embrace her.
Sophie hugged her tightly, burying her face in Amy’s silky auburn hair, which smelt of summer and combined with her Hermès scent to make Sophie feel light-headed with happiness. They broke apart and held each other at arm’s length. ‘You look incredible.’ Sophie shook her head slightly as she spoke, unable to believe that Amy could look any more beautiful. But she did. There was something new. Something unmistakable. ‘You’re not pregnant, by any chance?’
Amy gave a tiny squeal and clamped her hand over her mouth quickly. ‘Don’t say anything to the others yet. I’m only eight weeks. I don’t want to jinx it.’
Sophie grinned. ‘I’m not sure you’ll be able to keep it a secret. They’ll know the second they clap eyes on you.’
‘Is it really that obvious?’ Amy’s green eyes danced as she spoke, radiating happiness.
Sophie’s