Adam looked around the room. He ran his hand through his hair distractedly. He was hemmed in, constrained by these four walls. He thought condemningly: But you were your own willing prisoner, Adam Fairley. Were you not? He had built his own sarcophagus. The walls appeared to advance on him menacingly. He must escape. He leapt for the door and wrenched it open. He stepped out into the dimly lit corridor and proceeded swiftly down the staircase. He pushed open the door of the library. Moonlight was streaming into the room and it was so bright he did not bother to light a lamp. He hurried to the walnut chest and poured himself a large brandy. His hands shook. He drank the brandy neat, slopping some on his ruffled cuff in his haste. He poured another one. His hands continued to shake uncontrollably.
Adam stood by the walnut chest, endeavouring to calm himself. Eventually he started to breathe more normally, the pounding in his heart subsided, and the sense of oppression slowly began to lift. Why am I so agitated tonight? What in God’s name is wrong with me? He felt unutterably lonely and despairing. He had a desperate need to talk to someone. To a friend who would understand. But he had no friends in this cheerless and godforsaken house. Except Olivia. Of course! Olivia! She was compassionate and wise. He would go and talk to her. She would listen to his troubles, intelligently and with patience. He would go to her at once. Now. Adam left the library. He took the stairs two at a time, bursting with renewed energy mingled with relief at the thought of talking to Olivia, of unburdening himself. He had reached the central landing when the grandfather clock in the hall struck twelve. It brought him to an abrupt standstill. ‘Fool,’ he muttered. He could not go to Olivia’s room this late. It would be an unpardonable intrusion. She was probably in bed and asleep by now. He continued to mount the stairs more slowly. The spring had left his step and his shoulders sagged.
Adam paused at the door of his bedroom, his hand on the knob, and then, against his volition but with great deliberateness, he continued on down the corridor to Olivia’s room, propelled by some force infinitely stronger than himself. A sliver of light showed under her door. His spirits lifted. It gave him the encouragement he needed. Before he could knock, the door flew open and a stream of light flooded out into the darkened corridor. Adam was momentarily startled and blinded, and he blinked several times. Olivia stood silhouetted against the bright radiance from the lamps behind her. Her slender body looked ethereal, almost unreal. He could not see the expression on her face, for she stood in her own shadow.
Adam stared at her, unable to speak.
Olivia opened the door wider, and, without uttering one word, she moved aside to let him pass. He took several long strides into the room and, in spite of his natural polish and inbred charm, Adam discovered, much to his chagrin, that he was utterly tongue-tied. He had no idea what he would say to her. All previous thoughts were swept entirely out of his head. Olivia closed the door softly behind her and leaned against it, a gentle expression on her face. Adam hovered nervously, towering above her, his mouth dry. She looked up at him expectantly.
Finally Adam cleared his throat in embarrassment. ‘I’m sorry to intrude so late, Olivia,’ he began, racking his brains for a plausible explanation. He took a deep breath. ‘But I – I – couldn’t sleep, and so I went downstairs for a drink.’ He indicated the glass in his hand, smiling ruefully. ‘On my way back to my room, I remembered I had not thanked you for arranging the dinner party so beautifully. I do appreciate everything you did to make it such a tremendous success.’
‘Oh, Adam, please,’ Olivia exclaimed warmly. ‘You know how much I love entertaining. I enjoyed it enormously.’
‘Nevertheless, it would have been most ungrateful of me not to have expressed my appreciation to you,’ said Adam. He was beginning to breathe more easily. He was also vastly relieved to have handled this presumptuous invasion of her privacy with a degree of adeptness.
Olivia did not answer. She continued to look up at him questioningly. A tiny frown wrinkled her smooth brow, and her eyes, very blue and perceptive, did not leave his face. He’s had a lot to drink, but he’s not drunk, she thought. He’s in absolute command of himself. The perfect gentleman, as always.
Under her steady gaze Adam became fully conscious of his dishevelment. He realized, to his considerable discomfiture, that he was not only without his coat, but his shirt was open halfway down his chest and his cravat dangled loosely around his neck. He was acutely embarrassed again, and he fumbled with the front of his shirt, attempting, unsuccessfully, to pull it together. He smiled weakly. ‘Well, I had better leave you, my dear. I don’t want to disturb you further. I would not have ventured to intrude if I had not seen your light.’
‘I thought I heard someone outside in the corridor,’ she said, not adding she had known that it was he.
Adam took a tentative step towards the door. Olivia made no effort to open it. She remained leaning against it, her face tranquil, her outward composure intact, but her heart was fluttering and unaccustomed waves of panic shot through her. After a long moment of silence she looked up at him and said softly, ‘Don’t go, Adam. Please stay and chat for a while. I am not at all tired. I was reading, as you can see.’ She gestured to the newspaper on the table near the sofa. ‘Your own illustrious journal at that,’ she added, hoping she sounded nonchalant enough. When he made no response, she said hastily, ‘Unless you want to retire yourself—’
‘No. No. I don’t,’ he interrupted peremptorily. Realizing his anxiety had made him excessively vehement, he softened his tone. ‘Actually, I would enjoy talking to you, Olivia. I’m wide awake myself. All that stimulating conversation tonight, I’ve no doubt,’ he muttered with a small nervous laugh. ‘Provided you are certain I am not keeping you out of bed.’
‘No, really you are not. Please, come to the fire, Adam, and make yourself comfortable,’ Olivia said, moving gracefully into the room, her panic subsiding. She brushed so close to him he caught the faintest whiff of her perfume, something light and evocative. Its name eluded him but the scent lingered in his nostrils tantalizingly.
Adam followed her to the fireplace slowly. Olivia sat down on the sofa in front of the fire. It would have been the most natural thing for Adam to have seated himself next to her, but he did not. He carefully avoided the sofa and lowered himself into a nearby chair.
Olivia settled back against the cushions, smoothed her skirt, and then she looked across at Adam and smiled. It was such a loving smile Adam experienced a peculiar plunging sensation near his heart, and he stared at her transfixed. She had changed her evening gown for a soft and flowing blue silk robe of oriental design; otherwise she looked exactly the same as she had at the dinner. He had never seen her looking more beautiful in all of the twenty years he had known her.
He lowered his head as he became conscious he was staring at her far too intently. He compressed his mouth and peered into his drink, and then he lifted the glass to his mouth automatically. He was mortified to see that his hand trembled.
Observing him from her position on the sofa, Olivia thought: He is very nervous. If only I can make him feel relaxed, and at ease, perhaps he will stay. And so she said, ‘It was a lovely evening, Adam.’
Adam stiffened. ‘What did you make of Adele tonight?’ he asked rather brusquely, and went on in the same tone, ‘I was delighted to see her so controlled. But then it occurred to me, in the drawing room after dinner, that she was so normal she was – well – almost abnormal.’
Olivia looked at Adam alertly. ‘I’m sure she was playing one of her roles, Adam. She sometimes does that, you know, when she is confronted with a situation she finds difficult. I think it’s probably the only way she can deal with people. She retreats in a sense and dons a mask to conceal her real feelings.’
Adam was