She isn’t alleging that you’re stupid and can’t figure this stuff out for yourself.
If your wife or girlfriend gave you this book, she is simply saying that she loves you. She wants things to be better, she wants your relationship to last, she wants to make you happy, and she feels you might get some information from this book that will help you act in ways that will allow her to be more of what you want her to be! Be happy that someone cares about you this much and is reaching out rather than shutting down.
If someone other than your partner gave you this book, know that she, or he, is a true friend who wants the best for you.
If you found your own way to this book, it is because you love women and want to make your relationships with them easier, full of more joy and less stress. I applaud you for being a man of vision. If you are already involved with someone, she is lucky indeed to have a man who cares enough to want to become a better partner and lover. And if you haven’t found your true love yet, believe me, she is going to be happy and grateful when she meets you.
Perhaps at this point in your reading, despite how much sense all of this is (hopefully!) making, you hear a familiar, rebellious voice in your head that says:
“Jeez, another of my wife’s books. She’s always trying to ‘fix’ me, like I’m screwed up or something. I’m sure it’s going to tell me that all the problems in our relationship are my fault, that I need to change. I don’t need this! Why should I listen to some other woman I don’t even know telling me what to do? What a waste of time.”
Here’s my response:
This book is going to make you feel smarter and more competent, not stupid and incompetent.
It’s going to make you feel less out of control, and more in control.
It’s going to give you more power over your life, not ask you to give up your power.
And the small amount of time you spend reading it will be nothing compared to the amount of time you will save because you will be having less arguments, less hassles, and less unhappy moments.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ME
Here are some things I’d like you to know about me:
First of all, I love men. I have loved them all my life. If I didn’t, I’d have written a book titled Men: Who Needs Them? or It’s All His Damn Fault, rather than What Women Want Men to Know! Instead, I wrote this book because I realize that although men continue to make sincere efforts to figure us out, it’s not always a simple matter for you to understand the woman in your life. And perhaps it will be easier to hear about what women want and need regarding love, sex, and intimacy from me, a woman you don’t know but one who has talked to thousands of other women, rather than hearing it from your own partner.
So think of me as a translator, a mediator of sorts in a peace process, sitting across the table from you and saying, “Look, if you want to get such and such results in your relationship with your wife, I suggest you try doing this, because I can guarantee she will not only love it, but will complain less,” or “I know her request for such and such seems silly, and you can’t imagine that something so trivial will make a difference, but trust me – I’ve talked to her – and it will,” or “If you want to avoid turning her into an emotional wreck, I propose you work on eliminating this certain phrase from your vocabulary, because whenever she hears it, she’s going to overreact and you won’t like the outcome.” Do I believe the information I’m going to share with you in the following chapters can make an enormous difference in your love life? You bet I do. Give it a chance, and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
Second, this book is written by me, a woman, about what women want men to know. Isn’t that the way it should be? If you’re going to learn about what women want you to know in the areas of communication, intimacy, love, and sex, shouldn’t your guide be a woman? What good is it hearing what some other man thinks about what women want? Naturally I am biased, but I do believe that this book contains information you’d never learn if it was written by a man. Women have confided in me, and told me things about themselves, about their needs, and about sex that I am sure they would never have revealed to a man. I think you will be intrigued by what they have to say.
Third, if you’re thinking, “Why did you just write about what men are supposed to learn and do differently? It seems so one-sided. What about women? Shouldn’t they be trying to understand our needs, and make us happy too?” Well, I couldn’t agree with you more. That’s why several years ago, I wrote Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know. It taught women all about men’s likes and dislikes regarding love, sex, communication, and suggested ways women could adjust their behavior in and out of the bedroom to improve their relationships with their husband or boyfriend. Millions of women read Secrets, and when they shared it with their partners, the men concluded that I was, indeed, their ally. So each time you read something in the following chapters that makes you want to say, “But what about what SHE does wrong?,” just remember – it’s all in the other book!
HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF THIS BOOK
It was a challenge to write this book so that both women and men could feel I was talking directly to them. There are sections in which I am explaining certain things to women about themselves, and hoping that you’re reading this information as well. Then you will notice specific places where I make a point just for men. The best way to read the book is from start to finish, knowing that everything I’ve included in What Women Want Men to Know is designed to make you a lot smarter about women, love, and sex.
If you haven’t done so already, please go back and read the “Message to Women” at the beginning of the book. It’s just as much a message to you as it is to women, and you will find it helps to set up the rest of the chapters.
As I remind women in their Message, every female is unique and different, and so at best, all of what you read will be generalizations. This is where you come in: If you’re in a relationship, I strongly suggest that you discuss the material in this book with your partner:
Having these kinds of discussions will give you much valuable information about your wife or girlfriend. You’ll also find these conversations effortless and stress-free, compared with ones you’ve had in the past, because you will both be able to start your dialogue from the common ground of this book, rather than just your own opinions, and thus it will feel less adversarial and more like you’re both on the same side. Best of all, your partner will LOVE it that you are showing interest in her feelings, wanting her input, and that you care enough to ask.
I need to take a moment and say what this book is not about. It’s not about deeply wounded women with severe emotional problems who have shut down their feelings, suppressed their needs, and cut themselves off from their hearts. If you are presently or have been with a woman like this, you may find that nothing I say about how women behave applies to her. That’s because in order to defend herself from further pain, she’s built walls of protection around herself, and detached from her ability to feel. Men who make a habit of choosing emotionally unavailable women will be unable to relate to much of this book, and if you suspect you might be in that category, consider reading Are You the