What helped me get through this initial period of physical withdrawal was flipping my mind-set. Instead of seeing the headaches and anxiety as punishment for an addiction that I should have been able to control, I chose to see them as signs that my amazing body was healing itself. I was willing to be sick and put up with the discomfort to make my body whole again. I knew I had been treating it poorly. So I decided to treat it with kindness and give it whatever time it needed to heal.
If you’re not feeling your best right now, cut yourself some slack. Imagine if your child was feeling sick. Would you yell at her for being a “bad person” or tell her she was “getting what she deserved”? Of course not! You’d let her rest on the couch, eat chicken soup, and maybe watch some cartoons. You’d tell her to let her body do its job. Give yourself the same courtesy.
The Emotional Aspects
As you probably know, there’s more to withdrawal than physical discomfort. There’s an emotional side as well. And both sides are all tangled up with each other. It’s almost like as soon as you get a handle on one, the other falls to pieces and you’re so tempted to give up this experiment and crack open a beer. I get it! On the emotional side, you might feel sad, angry, or resentful. After all, you’re giving up something you believe you enjoy. Your subconscious believes you need alcohol to loosen up, relax, have fun with your friends, or handle stress. When you take that coping mechanism away without dealing with these subconscious beliefs, there will be consequences in the form of emotional distress and cravings.
That is why I’m calling these 30 days an “experiment.” You’re simply testing the waters to see how you might feel if you weren’t drinking. Your subconscious mind isn’t necessarily going to like that, but it’s better than laying down the law and saying, “No more alcohol ever!” That kind of ultimatum can result in a full-on emotional mutiny.
Throughout the course of this experiment, you’re going to explore those subconscious beliefs of yours. One day at a time, you’re going to read a little bit about different ideas that might make you question what you once thought was true. By the time you reach the end of this book, in fact, you might decide that you never need or even want another drink. And your subconscious will totally go along with it. That’s called spontaneous sobriety, and it happens all the time. It happened to me. When your conscious and subconscious minds are in harmony and desire the same thing, there’s no cognitive dissonance. And when that happens, there’s no struggle. You have no cravings and no desire to go back.
Getting Curious
But that’s later. For right now, simply realize that your feelings and physical symptoms are real. Take the time to feel them. Honor them. Appreciate what your body is trying to tell you. And do not give in to the temptation to use alcohol to numb them. These symptoms are temporary. They will go away in time.
So what can you do in the meantime? How do you handle the emotional discomfort and strong desire to give in?
My solution was to get curious about my own behavior. Anytime I had a strong urge to drink, I sat with it and went deep into what was going on. I became an internal reporter. I asked myself questions all the time to find out what I was feeling exactly and what was actually causing me to feel that way. Sometimes I felt like I was missing out because I was with a group of friends who were all drinking. Other times I’d had a hard day at work and felt like I needed a drink to calm my nerves. Other times I felt like I’d been good for so long that I “deserved” to have a drink as a reward.
TODAY, instead of trying to ignore or overcome your discomfort by having a drink, ask yourself, “Why do I want to drink right now? What is it that I think alcohol will do to make this moment better?” And then ask yourself, “Is that true?” If you’re completely objective and honest, you might surprise yourself with your answers.
Do this little exercise first. Write down your answers, or record yourself in a video diary or voice memo. By doing this, you’re observing the symptoms as something separate from you. You’re giving yourself perspective—and a little bit of time for the feelings to subside. And remember that your body is amazing. It’s taking care of you right now by getting rid of all the toxins it’s had to deal with for a long time. Yes, you might not feel your best for a bit. But when the process is complete, your body will feel better than ever.
And consider the online social challenge at alcoholexperiment.com; you can find thousands of others who are also doing this experiment. Sharing your insights with others in a safe, judgment-free environment is incredibly powerful.
Day 4 Reflections from alcoholexperiment.com
“Good days but bad nights. Woke up at 3 a.m. not feeling the best but definitely not hungover. And a bit of a headache this morning. I spent the day thinking about all the holidays and times with my kids I don’t remember. Yesterday it dawned on me how much time alcohol has stolen from me. Yes, I let it. But the reading today very much reinforced that. I am generally happy. Still thankful!”
—ROBYN
“I have been having such strange dreams, I feel such a physical difference. I didn’t realize alcohol takes so long to get out of your system, so even though I binge-drink once or twice a week, I was feeling so crappy because I was never alcohol-free. I had constant headaches, fatigue, bloating, nausea. I am learning so much!”
—GEORGE
“Didn’t expect the physical symptoms to be so real. Glad I understand why I am having them. Still better than being hungover. Need to be gentle on myself and others through this. Can’t wait to sleep again!”
—HECTOR
Knowledge renders belief obsolete.
—NANA JANE
I’ve found there are two kinds of cravings you have to contend with at different times: physical cravings and emotional cravings. Physical symptoms such as anxiety, restlessness, and the inability to sleep show up while the alcohol is still in your system. We know they’re cravings because they go away if you give in and have a drink. It can take up to a week for alcohol to completely leave your system, so that’s about how long you can expect those physical cravings to last. After that point, you’re most likely looking at mental or emotional cravings. (Fortunately, you probably know exactly the last time you had a drink. When people try to get over a sugar addiction, they sometimes consume sugar without even knowing it because it’s hidden in so many food products!)
Psychological or emotional cravings can be much harder to handle simply because they are triggered by certain circumstances that your subconscious knows (from experience) may be helped by having a drink. You’ve reached the point in your relationship with alcohol that it’s taking more than it’s giving, and you feel like you want to cut back or stop. That’s a conscious decision you’ve made. But if your subconscious mind still believes that alcohol is key to relaxation and that you have to drink to have a good time with your friends, then those psychological cravings will creep in—sometimes years after you’ve had any alcohol. Your desires originate from your subconscious mind. And a craving is a desire.
For example, if you used to handle work stress by drinking, like I did, then every time you experience work stress, you’ll likely trigger a psychological craving for alcohol. You’ve already wired your brain to do this. It’s