Other piquant dilemmas: do you sit at the already overcrowded table with your friends or join the new person who is sitting on their own? If it were a social occasion, you might make an effort. But this is work, isn’t it? And there’s the getting-away problem, because, unlike at normal meals, you often have to leave someone to finish their lunch on their own.
Don’t sit with the management if there is space elsewhere. It’ll look like crawling.
If the only seat left is at a table occupied by management, they should put themselves out to offer it to you.
As on ordinary social occasions, don’t leave people on their own. Just because you’re at work, it doesn’t mean you’ve turned barbaric.
If you have appointments, calls to make etc. it can’t be helped if you have to leave someone to finish their lunch alone. But you should say, ‘Excuse me. Sorry to leave you on your own.’
Distractions
One of the pleasures of office life is that there can be dropping in, against which there is elsewhere a taboo (see Dropping in, page 83). Someone might drop in from legal for a natter or you might yourself pop over to finance for the same purpose. Dropping in or by creates a distraction which is usually most welcome, even, if the truth be told, to the miserable sods too busy to say hello in the corridor and those eaten up with ambition. But occasionally there is work to do. Zoe, who is at that stage of being enthusiastic about her job in PR, building up contacts in the press and so on, says, ‘If I have to listen to one more gargantuan discussion about Annie’s matching handbag for her wedding or what sort of towels they’re putting on their wedding list…’
Don’t distract people if they are busy.
Interruptions
People interrupt at work for much the same reasons as they do in social life – because they’ve got something far more interesting to say, ideally about themselves. Sad to say, Zoe is something of an interrupter, often forging into the managing director’s office regardless to talk about her concerns or triumphs. ‘Some people seem to think it’s part of being thrusting and successful – just barge into your office and start telling you how wonderful they are,’ says Matt. Or they just want you to think about their problem or help them with some difficulty they’ve got. They never think that you might be preoccupied with something. They cause havoc; the interrupted don’t know whether they’re coming or going. There are a lot of them about.
Always ask if it is convenient to speak, even if the person is kindly operating what is called an ‘open-door policy’.
If someone is clearly busy, go away and come back later, even if their office door is open.
Thanking
She doesn’t exactly say so, but Zoe probably thinks, ‘Why should I have to thank? It’s her job.’ But her managing director has taken rather a lot of trouble with Zoe, helping and encouraging. A little appreciation wouldn’t come amiss. We hear a great deal about the sad state of the self-esteem of the majority of the human race. Besides, nobody likes a thankless job. Matt complains of being caught in the middle. ‘My work’s OK. I think the bosses just forget to say thank you. The younger ones, you help them out because they don’t know the first thing about acquisitions or loss adjustment, and you don’t get any thanks for that either.’
There can never be too much thanking in the workplace.
It isn’t only senior staff who should thank.
Presents and cards
In Green Wing, Channel 4’s crazy ‘hospital’ comedy, a gloomy figure trudged round the administrator’s office. ‘Do you want to sign Karen’s leaving card?’ Everybody complied and, as the bearer of the card was sloping away, a voice was heard to enquire, ‘Who’s Karen?’
Outside the workplace, correspondence is neglected (that terrible backlog of thank-yous etc., on the necessity of which see Thank-you letters and cards for meals and parties – a major rethink, page 214), but in the office little enthusiastic messages are written on cards for unknown people every day. There is an obsessive mania for cards and presents for every conceivable anniversary and would-be special occasion. Vast amounts of time are devoted to buying them, getting the cards signed (a huge administrative undertaking), raising money for presents (another massive job), as well as buying and wrapping them. One woman I spoke to was amazed to receive a card signed by the entire office because she was going to the christening of her second cousin’s child, the second cousin being someone she hardly knew.
‘People come round with these cards at least once a week. Someone’s mum hasn’t been too well, someone’s getting married, having a baby, moving house, getting engaged,’ says Matt. ‘I always sign them, even if I don’t really know who they are. But I wonder how people have got the time for all this.’ Zoe, careful with her meagre salary, resents the expense. ‘Somebody comes up to you and says, “We’re all putting a tenner in for Aimee’s present. Is that OK?” You can’t say no, can you?’ Others, less popular (said to have smelly feet, not to share their chocolates), are lucky to get a tenner spent on their entire present.
Another phenomenon is excessive sending of thank-you cards (although there might be a general lack of thanks in the same workplace – see Thanking, page 38). ‘Our MD’s PA was too busy to get the flowers for the reception desk once,’ says Zoe, ‘and I volunteered since I was going past the shop in my lunch hour. I got a card for that.’
It makes sense to sign a card for someone you don’t know when that person is leaving – maybe, unknown to you, they cleaned a sticky patch off the photocopier which would otherwise have ruined your immaculate document. You are thanking them for their contribution, whatever it might have been.
Otherwise, departments or smaller teams might give cards on significant occasions (not just when they feel like it). If this custom is established, everybody must be included (no nasty favouritism) and trouble must be taken to find out when and to whom they might be sent.
Although ‘rules’ about the giving of presents might seem clinical and mean-spirited, the alternative is that popular people are showered with all kinds of largesse while others get very little, and younger employees resent having to fork out while expectations from receivers of gifts rocket through the ceiling. One person told me she was outraged only to get an M & S breadboard after working in a place for six months.
A leaving present should be a token of appreciation, not a measure of worth.
If ‘thank-you cards’ are over-used, they lose their meaning. In the workplace, they should be reserved for some quite exceptional favour or kindness.
A card signed by everyone is not right for a bereavement. Don’t ask why; it just isn’t.
Smelly food – the CupaSoup nightmare
Eating in the workplace and eating on the street (see Munch as you go and What’s that smell?, page 15) can upset in the same way, only the former is worse because certain sights and smells are harder to escape indoors. In an office, people being known to each other, it could be that loathing of what someone is eating is really loathing of them. But actually some food is unbearable just by itself, Batchelors CupaSoup being the shining example. Zoe says, ‘Rice cakes! Ugh! Why do adults have to eat baby food?’ At least she