Alice By Accident. Lynne Banks Reid

but I was testing. And she said “I love you back” and took my hand again. We kept saying I hate you I love you all the way to Pinocchio’s and taking hands and untaking them and the last thing we said as we turned into Pinocchio’s was I love you. I never said I hate you to her again. Even since the row I don’t hate her, even now she wants to throw us out of our house. Well, it’s her house but we’re living in it. I don’t understand her and I feel angry and sad often but I don’t hate her. I think Mum does though.

      Mum says if something hurts you inside you ought to look into it so I will. After the wonderful summer I had staying with Gene and Grandad and going to Spain and everything and Gene talking to me all the time like a grown-up and telling me how much she loved me I felt really close to her and I thought Grandad was beginning to love me a bit too, he didn’t tell me off so much as he usually did and gave me a really good hug when I left.

      Gene drove me back to London and we were singing to the tape and we got stopped for speeding. The policeman was really snotty to her and after he’d gone she felt so bad she sat in the car and cried and I had to comfort her and tell her it was all right. She asked me not to tell Mum but Mum always says no secrets and I knew I would so in the end Gene told her. I’d never seen Gene ashamed before and it made me love her more because everyone makes mistakes and I stood there with my arms around her while she confessed to Mum and said she was sorry.

      Mum said “You could have killed Alice, and Gene said, yes, it was terrible of me, we were rollicking along and I didn’t notice, and Mum said if I never let her go in the car with you again would you blame me, and Gene said no, you’d be well within your rights. And then I said “it was only once and if I can’t go in the car how can I go to stay in the country” and Mum and Gene looked at each other and I felt something. Something bad between them that I’d felt once or twice but only when Mum and I were talking about Gene, not when she was there. It was, like, Mum really needed Gene but she didn’t like her and she was glad to have something to put her down with. But in the end Mum just said well promise not to speed ever again.

      She’d got this good job while I’d been in the country. It was with a private solicitors that had clients that were mainly criminles. I was frightened when she told me because I thought she’d be with horrible vilent people like lawyers on TV but she said she wouldn’t, she’d be working in the office and only have to go to court sometimes, she said criminles aren’t dangerous when they’re in court. She was so pleased to have found a good job, she took me out for an Indian meal to celebrate and I had chicken tikka masala.

      But it took two hours to get to her office from Brighton and two hours back and I had to stay in school from 7.30 in the morning to 7.30 in the evening which was horribly boring and Mum was getting exorstid.

      So that was when Gene said we could live in this house. It was hers and Grandad’s then. She said we could use it because she’d made alot of money from acting a big part in a film and bought another place in London, a flat. She said we could stay in this house for a bit and she cleaned it all up for us, she really worked hard and she made the garden nice too. She even bought Mum a big desk and a long mirror so Mum could make sure she looked nice for going to work.

      Mum complained quite alot about the house which I didn’t understand. She said the bathroom wasn’t as nice as ours which it wasn’t. We had a very big one in Brighton. And there were some places where it needed decorating but no worse than ours. And she was cross when Gene asked her to keep the lawn mode. She said “I’m not a jobbing gardener.” I thought that was bad and I told her off later. I said why aren’t you more greatful to Gene for letting us live here?” and she said, Gene isn’t doing it just to be kind. She’s doing it because she wants me to keep this job. I said why, and she said, because she doesn’t want me to give your dad’s name to the DSS.