Carrie Pilby. Caren Lissner

a kid anymore, yet I don’t have kids of my own, so the only way to experience childlike enthusiasm is to fantasize and remember. I’m sure Petrov would have an explanation.

      I relax as much as possible and close my eyes. All is silent.

      Then, I start to hear birds chirping. There are two of them, exchanging their high-pitched staccato reports. It reminds me of when I was three and my grandfather and grandmother walked me around the shady grounds of their apartment in London, and we came upon a cracked robin’s egg lying among the tufts of grass and knotted roots. It was such a pale and beautiful shade of blue that I almost cried. They encouraged me to lift it up. Inside, there was nothing except whiteness, the purest white I’d ever seen. Each time I visited them after that, I looked for more eggs, but couldn’t find any.

      I was fascinated at that age with so many things: revolving doors, mirrors, clocks, trains, fans, elevators, hydrants. I soon wanted to know how all of these worked—same with eggs and animals—and this led to a house full of science books that I devoured and spat out like so much gum. To balance that were all of the novels—I don’t even remember reading kids’ books when I was two, like my father tells me I did, but I must have quickly graduated to more advanced stuff.

      The air outside is still, save for the distant rumbles of buses. Now I hear glass breaking. Someone must be setting down a trash bag full of recyclables. The sound reminds me of the wind chimes one of our neighbors had on her back porch when I was younger, and how, one day when there was a hurricane, they whirled around fiercely the entire day, jingling and spinning like a carousel out of control. I was glued that afternoon to the TV. I lay on my stomach charting the storm, using the wind direction and velocity to figure out when it would hit land and how long it would stay. In the evening, the power went out, and my father lit a candle and we sat in the kitchen for an hour and talked in the darkness. The rain pummeled the windows and the wind blasted the roof, but we were safe inside. I talked about school starting up again; Dad talked about what it was like when he was in school. We talked about the first apartment we lived in in New York when I was two and a half, right after we moved out of London. I think it was the longest talk I had with my father, and one of the few I’ve had with anyone. I haven’t thought about that day in a long time.