In fact, the best things we can do for ourselves as we grow older also happen to be some of our favourite things to do. Eating good food, developing our muscles, getting a good night’s sleep, loving other people, laughing, relaxing, finding joy in the world. These are the actions and activities that make us interesting people, curious people, strong people. Who doesn’t love a good meal with dear friends, or embracing a loved one? Who doesn’t love to laugh her ass off, or go for a long walk, or have a new adventure? How about taking a few moments to breathe deeply and let the cares of the day slip away? How nice does that sound?
To us, it sounds like a revelation. The best way to age well isn’t to worry about ageing. It is to live well.
Today we have a deeper understanding of how our body functions on a cellular level than ever before, and because of that, we can see how things like food, movement, rest, meditation, social connection, learning, and the overall enjoyment of life serve to make us stronger and healthier deep within our cells. That’s right – having a laugh has an actual impact on your cells. Spending time with good friends is beneficial for your cells. All those elements that make life beautiful and wonderful are good for you.
That’s why we wrote this book. To share the science of ageing. To provide the information you need to make choices that support your health as you age, which can help slow the rate at which you age, and in some cases, repair damage that has already been done. To help you understand the conversation about ageing, which is getting more and more robust each day. We are all ageing, you and I, and the sooner we come to terms with that, the more opportunities we can give ourselves to age with health and with joy.
The good thing about this journey is that even though the road ahead is unknown, you’re still travelling in the same direction: deeper and deeper into the depths of you. Along with signs of ageing, don’t you see signs of growth? Are you a stronger person than you were a decade ago, more knowledgeable, more in tune with who you are and what you need and who and what you love? Life comes with some sharp curves, and every journey has a few missed turns along the way. But there are also the scenic overlooks, where the horizon suddenly opens up, and you can admire the view and appreciate the hard work it took to get there.
Appreciating all the ways we can evolve over the years – the self-knowledge we develop, the skills and wisdom we accumulate, the relationships we build with others and with ourselves – these are the privileges of time. There’s no denying the decline that accompanies ageing. But growing older also offers opportunities. The idea we can grow stronger as we age – it feels good to me. It feels right. It feels possible.
And the new science of ageing backs that up.
IN A BUSINESS THAT is obsessed with youth, I am no longer considered a young woman. This was made clear as soon as I hit the ripe old age of thirty-nine. I can’t tell you how many times a journalist asked me if as an actress, I was scared to turn forty. As these questions about my age seemed to become a consistent part of every press interview, I realized just how frightened we all are of getting older. We make jokes about it, or we see it as sad, as ugly, as dangerous.
The conversation we have around ageing in our culture feels very misplaced to me. Am I afraid to turn forty? These people who were asking about my age in front of a camera weren’t wondering if I was afraid that my health might decline after forty. They weren’t concerned that my organs might experience the effects of ageing. They weren’t asking what ageing means to me, as a woman, as a human being, as a living organism with an expiration date.
They were saying, “Aren’t you afraid that the death of your career is imminent because you don’t look twenty-five anymore?”
The funny thing is, those people who suggested that I’d reached my expiration date at an age when I still felt pretty damn good were actually doing me a real favour: they were jump-starting my thought process about what ageing is and what kind of impact it will have on me. The conclusion I came to was that as long as I get to keep on ageing, I’m pretty lucky. Not everyone has the opportunity to grow old. Some people die before they have a chance to celebrate another birthday.
So to answer the questions those journalists asked about how my opinion of myself has changed as my looks have changed, my answer is that ageing is a privilege and a gift. As we get older, I believe beauty appreciates, not depreciates. It grows, not fades. With age, I have developed a more nuanced understanding of what beauty really is. Beauty is not just something you are born with. Beauty is something you grow into.
As I start this next phase of my journey, I feel proud of where I’ve come from and curious about what’s ahead. I don’t know what life will hold for me. But I am ready. Because I know myself better than I did years ago, and I trust myself to make good decisions, or at least to do my best. Because I value the lessons that I’ve learned, especially in the last decade, and I look forward to seeing what kinds of new understandings the decades ahead will bring.
WHERE DID YOU LEARN ABOUT BEING BEAUTIFUL?
My first model of beauty was my mother. I don’t think I’m being partial when I say this: my mum is a beautiful woman. She has always had full lips, glowing skin, and blue eyes with a depth of grey that draws you in. She possesses the kind of beauty that shines from the inside out. So as far as I was concerned, she never needed any makeup, but like most other women, she had a “face” that she would apply daily. She would highlight her eyes, brighten her cheeks, and lengthen her lashes. She was so skilled in her routine that it took her exactly the same amount of time every morning to complete it, and her face always looked exactly the same after she had finished. What was even more impressive to me was how subtle but effective her application was at complementing her already luminous beauty.
When we were little, my sister and I loved watching our mum go through this routine and couldn’t wait to be old enough to learn how to do it ourselves. And once we were finally old enough – man, we really went for it. Subtlety may have been my mother’s gift, but there was little of that in our technique. There were many times when it would have been challenging to distinguish my sister and me from a pair of peacocks. It took years before we learned to refine our hand and apply our “face” a bit less liberally, and even more years before I understood what the point of this ritual really was.
Now I know that adornment is a natural instinct. All over the world, men and women alike invest in beauty rituals to make themselves more attractive. In the Serengeti, Masai warriors spend days decking themselves out in tribal gear, adorning themselves from head to toe with vibrantly coloured jewellery and clothing. They paint their faces and plait their hair in elaborate weaves. Some of this decoration serves as an indicator of each man’s position in the tribe, and some is simply for beauty’s sake – but in either case, the goal is to stand out from the crowd and attract a woman. It can take a warrior and a companion a week to apply the embellishments. A week! That’s a pretty significant amount of time for a man who’s also in charge of keeping his family’s livestock – and his family – safe from predators.
Why am I talking about the beauty rituals of men in a book meant for women? Because they help us understand that the desire to look beautiful, the drive to stand out, isn’t restricted by age or culture or gender. In fact, it’s not even restricted to humans. Animals also possess an instinct for visual attraction, as with the infamous peacock, the spirit animal of my earliest makeup attempts. Richly hued flowers flirt with insects who might spread their pollen near and far. Wanton trees and vines entice animals with beautiful, ripe fruit so the seeds can be dispersed. All of us, from birds to bees to humans, are hopelessly attracted to bright,