I turned to walk back down the hall and out the front door but her chilly voice stopped me cold. “Stay away from Shaw, Rule. You’ll just end up hurting her like you did your brother.”
I wanted to tell her it was way too late for that warning. That I was beginning to know Shaw inside and out and that she was becoming a critical part of me, but I just met her cold gaze with one that I’m sure held resigned sadness. “Good luck ever getting her back into the Archer family fold with that kind of attitude, Mom. Keep it up and it’ll be a cold day in hell before Shaw ever steps foot in this house again.”
“Why she would choose you over this family is beyond me.”
I gave her the only answer there was. “Because she thinks I’m worth it.”
I gave Rome a bland look and moved around him, being careful to avoid my dad. I didn’t look back to see if either of them followed me but when I got outside I let out a pent-up breath and looked at the street blanketed in snow. Her words hurt, they always had, but instead of feeling self-destructive and alone like I normally did, I could fully see now that the issues were all hers and there was nothing I could do to change her mind unless she actively sought out help. Too much time had passed with me playing the role of the accused for me to offer any form of clarity to her.
“Son.” I was startled at the sound of my dad’s voice. He had stopped to grab a jacket but had followed me to the driveway. Rome was nowhere to be seen. I shifted my feet in the powder and shoved my hands deep inside the pockets of my hoodie. “We need to talk about this.”
“So much for this always being my home, huh, Dad?” I regretted it as soon as I said it. There was still a little boy somewhere deep inside me who wanted his parents’ approval and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get him to shut up. “Sorry, that was stupid.”
My dad shook his head, and for once, I saw genuine remorse in his gaze. “I had no idea it had gotten this bad with your mother, Rule. I’m not a fan of the crazy hair or the obsessive tattoos all over every part of your body, and it bugs me to no end that you purposely dress like a hoodlum just to annoy us, but I’ve never blamed you for what happened to Remy. You were two very different boys, always were, but I loved you both the same. I heard what your mother said at the funeral but I convinced myself it was just grief, just a mother’s overreaction to losing a child too young. I honestly thought she would find her way clear of the sorrow and depression, but after today I see where Rome is coming from. We need help; she needs help. I would never ban a child from my home—pink hair, blue hair, green hair—none of it ultimately matters because I love you and I just want you to be happy and live a good life. I would prefer you stop aggravating an old man every chance you got while doing it, but I don’t want you to think that I ever wish it was you and not Remy that night. It should have never happened to this family, but it did, and you are absolutely right that it was an accident.”
I stared at my dad like he was a stranger. It was cold and I could barely feel my toes but my blood was pumping fast and hard in my veins. “You’ve never said any of that to me before. You normally just get mad and leave the room or let Mom tear me apart at every turn.”
“You’ve always been hard for me to relate to, Rule. Rome was my buddy, Remy was everybody’s best friend, and you, well, you made your own path when you were just a little fella and I never felt like you needed any kind of guidance from me to get where you wanted to go. Your mother is fragile, more so than I thought, and while I knew that what’s been happening over the last few years hasn’t done us any good as a family, I guess I kept hoping she would just snap out of it. The harsher we were, the more you fought back. You never let her get to you the way I think she wanted, and while I should have stopped it years ago, I guess I see now how much damage what we were doing could have done to you.”
“She wants me to be Remy.” Saying it out loud to him felt like letting go of a lifetime of tightly held secrets.
He coughed and rubbed his thick hands together. “She wants the easy relationship she had with Remy with you. Remy wasn’t argumentative or problematic, he just went with the flow. Rome knew we didn’t want him to join the military, but he did it anyway because he’s stubborn and determined to make a difference in the world. You were never easygoing and complacent. You hated curfew and any rule we imposed on you. You were always creative and quirky, but hard to relate to—we said go left and you went backward—she doesn’t have a son left that she can just dictate and manage. She misses having someone to mother and Remy never minded her doing it for him and neither did Shaw, but now Shaw has chosen a side and Margot is deteriorating rapidly.”
“Dad, I can’t come back here, not like this. I appreciate everything you said today; in fact I wish you had said it years ago, and maybe I wouldn’t have a litany of bad behavior and questionable choices littering my history the way I do now, but I’m not going to be her scapegoat anymore.”
He sighed and looked at the door as Rome came out looking thunderous. “Something tells me you aren’t the only Archer who is making that call.”
“Shaw, too. I’m not going to let Mom use her as a pawn in this mess.”
“Yeah, neither am I. She’s like a daughter to me.”
Rome joined our little huddle and, boy, did he look pissed. My eyes tended to be light and go silver or gray whenever I felt a strong emotion, but my brother’s blazed a bright blue, the color of the base of a flame.
“She’s out of her damn mind. Seriously, Dad, she needs therapy and possibly drugs. I can’t believe she said that shit to Rule.”
My dad sighed again and shifted, sending tufts of snow that had gathered on the shoulders of his jacket drifting to the ground.
“I know, son. I just told Rule I recognize the problem is worse than I thought.”
“I only have a few weeks’ leave left; you better let her know I won’t be back unless she gets her head on right. I tried to tell her and she just started spouting nonsense about Rule brainwashing everybody she cares about. She has straight up vilified him, her own child. I refuse to support her treating him that way.”
“You’re both good boys. For right now you two take care of each other and I’ll work on your mother. I love you both. Don’t give up on us yet.”
We all shared a back-pounding round of hugs before Rome and I climbed back into the truck. I had to let the massive motor run a few minutes before the heater would pump out warm air, so while we waited I stared out the snowy windshield in contemplation while Rome rattled on about our mom. He was repulsed by her reaction to our surprise visit, but I wasn’t. I was, however, stunned by everything my dad had told me. I couldn’t remember the last time anyone told me they loved me besides my brothers. I had forgotten how nice it made me feel.
“You wanna take the Beamer or the truck since it’s coming down pretty good now?”
“The BMW. I’ve seen you drive, little brother. You won’t make it back to Denver in one piece in that sports car.”
He had a point. I wanted to get back in one piece because I wanted to get Shaw a phone and pick her up from work and spend the night in bed with her wrapped around me. I wanted to make her whisper my name over and over in that husky voice. I wasn’t sure, but this slippery feeling in my chest sure felt a hell of a lot like love.
CHAPTER 12
Shaw
I was still trying to figure out my new phone. Instead of replacing my broken one with the same model, Rule had gotten me the brand-new version with all the bells and whistles, and the thing was ten times smarter than me. I was trying to text Ayden that I was running late for our coffee date because one of my classes had run over. I hadn’t seen her