(As above, minus the frying)
SEMOLINA AND FRUIT
(Lumpy milk pudding which rarely appeals to children, even in its unlumpy form, served with sweetened tinned fruit)
‘HOME BAKING’
(Cup cakes and tray bakes which are heavy on sugar, margarine and refined white flour)
To drink:
CARTONS OF FRUIT SQUASH AND ‘DRINK’/ BLACKCURRANT DRINK/COLA/CARBONATED ORANGE
(A heavy-handed serving of sugar topped up with water and additives)
HOT CHOCOLATE/MILK SHAKE
(Sugar, milk powder, flavourings and thickeners mixed up with water)
It’s no wonder that many children loathe school meals and abandon them at the first possible opportunity. But what about other school food?
School tuck shops have not served anything other than sweets, crisps and fizz since time immemorial. Nothing has changed in that department, except perhaps for the arrival of grain-based biscuits which purport to be healthy but whose heavy-handed sugar composition gives the lie to that.
What is new, however, is the arrival of snack and drink vending machines in schools. Filled exclusively with everything that is the antithesis of wholesome eating, these machines are becoming a common feature in many secondary and even some primary schools. Most teachers disapprove of them, but when a school is strapped for cash the income they offer can be tempting.
Looking at a secondary school in Merseyside in 1998, the Guardian reported that the profit to the school from its eight vending machines was forecast at £15,000 a year. Revenue on this scale can keep a music department in musical instruments or buy a much needed piece of equipment. But this system also handicaps the more wholesome alternative. In many schools nowadays, the only place a child can get a free and straightforward drink of tap water is in the washrooms!
School food has got so bad that it looks as if the government will reintroduce nutritional standards at least for school meals, if not for tuck shops. It remains to be seen how effective these will be in tackling the unhealthy monster that school meals have become.
But in the meantime, the current nature of school catering means that parents cannot assume that there is anything reasonably wholesome on offer on a regular basis.
How can we react to this? For solutions, turn to:
• School Food (pages 189–96)
• Twenty-five Good Snacks (pages 237–8)
• Ten Good Packed Lunches (pages 259–62)
CHILD (UN)FRIENDLY RESTAURANTS
Children in restaurants? Perish the thought! Our traditional ‘serious’ restaurant culture is not like that in other parts of the world, where children and restaurants are seen as two facets of normal life that can happily cohabit. British culture has always viewed restaurant-going as something special and unusual – an overwhelmingly sophisticated adult activity. As a nation we do not always find it ‘chic’ to have children around when we go out to eat. We tend to see them as philistines who ought to be fed separately in the privacy of their own homes until they attain civilised adulthood.
So we can’t pop out to the accommodating French bistro, which will prop up children on cushions and serve them moules marinière and a massive napkin without flinching. Nor can we drop in to family-run Italian ristorante, where adults cluck with approval as your baby noisily sucks up linguine with tomato sauce splattering everywhere. Neither is it like India or China, where family groups meet in restaurants and feed prime mouthfuls of their food to the youngest members.
It’s not unknown in the UK for some restaurants to have explicit ‘No children’ policies, while to take a child to others may entail pleading, negotiation and compromise: ‘Yes, we will be finished by 8.45 pm (so as not to disturb your business clientele),’ or ‘Yes, we will accept a freezing table more or less out in the lobby where no one else can see us.’ Many other establishments simply make it so expensive to bring children – by refusing to offer half-portions or make any concession to smaller appetites in their price structure – that they effectively prevent them from coming, without saying so in so many words.
The good news is that the climate is gradually changing – if only because some restaurants are enlightened enough to recognise that today’s child diners could be tomorrow’s clientele. Some fashionable and very ‘grown-up’ city establishments even become child-friendly zones at weekends, making positive efforts to attract families. Few restaurants fail to provide a high chair (especially if parents ask for one when booking) and many pubs that serve food no longer ban children.
But nevertheless, parents who would like to introduce their children to decent restaurant food from an early age still cannot count on a warm reception, and may fear a negative reaction based on past experience. However well behaved they think their child might be in a restaurant, few parents find it relaxing to be in an environment where they worry that staff eyebrows may be raised and fellow diners may ‘tut’ at the first sign of any restlessness or a querulous voice. So rather than run the risk of embarrassment and assume the stressful responsibility for seeing that the child behaves impeccably, many parents opt out and either don’t eat in these establishments themselves or leave the children at home when they do, thus limiting their children’s food experience.
But is this a problem? Aren’t there plenty of less serious but perfectly acceptable ‘child-friendly’ restaurants at the cheaper end of the market which welcome children with open arms and cater for their every need until they matriculate in the world of adult dining?
You know the formula. They are cheap and approachable chain eateries. If they are out of town, there will be lots of free parking conveniently outside. If you are on foot, it can seem that there is one on every accessible high-street corner or in every food court. They are coming down with trolley parks, high chairs, feeder cups, bottle warmers, microwaves to reheat baby food, nappy-changing facilities … every conceivable bit of kit that adults with children might need. Bustling and noisy, they enable you to eat anonymously without feeling that the eyes of all staff and diners are on you.
And let’s not forget that added incentive which any child will adore. Every day in these restaurants is like Christmas Day because you get a present to take away. We are not just talking about the usual giveaways, such as paper hats, balloons and badges which advertise the restaurant’s existence and link it to cuddly characters designed to appeal to children. We are talking ‘collectables’, a covetable free toy which encourages loyalty (and repeat visits) in order to complete the set. That’s a strong pull for young consumers.
It sounds so perfect for both child and parent … until you get to the food. The heart of the ‘child-friendly’ repertoire? Something fried with chips or something starchy. There’s burger and chips, Kiev and chips, fishy shapes and chips and sausage and chips, all slathered with copious quantities of sweet and salty brown or tomato sauce.
Vegetarian leanings? Try a bean burger, fried veggie rissoles, mini-pizza or refined white baguette with garlic butter. Want to avoid chips? Try fried hash browns or deep-crumb crunchy croquettes for a change.
Feeling thirsty at the thought of that little lot? Why not try an attractively priced whole-meal package, with its ‘free’ fizzy or diluted ‘contains-no-real-anything’ drink thrown in for added value?
So what you get when you step across the threshold of your average ‘child-friendly’ restaurant is a depressingly limited range of the ubiquitous children’s processed foods with a few stodgy snacks and fillers thrown in. It revolves