– Tell me, buddy, what do 1 +1 make?
– One thousand….
– Nuff said! Three months’ work down the plughole.
Then he asks the second of the same:
– May be you know what is 1 +1?
– A brick…
– Now we know with you too. He refers to the third person
– Now, what would you say?
– 2…
– Say that again?
– 2…
– Attaboy! Good for you! Tell me, how did you make it?
– Doc, it’s very simple. I divided one thousand by a brick.
***
– Mom, are you an Indian?
– What’s that, sonnie?
– Why the sculp lies on your bedside table?
***
A surgeon tells to an inmate who awaked after general anesthesia:
– The operation was effective, you shouldn’t have cried and boiled over so.
– But what have I got to do? Doc, I’ve come to the hospital to do the windows.
***
– Dear, I have a naughty dream of you.
– And what I’ve been up to with you?
– You came and screwed everything up.
***
A small boy comes to music class, opens the violin case, and wow… there is a machine gun!
A teacher got a shock:
– What does it all mean?
The boy drew a sigh:
– Only that my father went to a bank with the violin.
***
Odessa, a Jew meets a friend and tells him:
– I decided to make the birthday gift to my Sarah. I will present her with an opera!
– She seemed to dream of Mercedes.
– Well, where, on Earth, I can find a fake Mercedes?
***
A Russian is asked:
– Do you love your country?
– I do!
– Are you ready to die for it?
– Definitely ready.
A Jew is asked the same;
– Do you love your country?
– I do.
– Will you die for it?
– No.
– Why not?
– Who then will love the homeland?
***
A girl-friend tells her playmate:
– If you want your husband to buy you a fur coat, you should ask him about this during sex right along.
They meet again in some time:
– So, did you get your fur coat?
– No, and now no sex too.
***
A father, a mother and a son are driving back home after staying out.
The mother says:
– Sonny, do you know that she has two University degrees, helps her parents, a clever girl with a good position at work and dresses as a model, she doesn’t roam the clubs, doesn’t smoke, she is the bachelor’s wife. I don’t understand, why didn’t you like her?
– Yeah, mom, calm down, I liked her, she is good….
– Well, sonny, I don’t know who is still you want, that way you ain’t gonna marry ever! And you, daddy, why don’t you tell him something?
– What can I say, I didn’t see if she has tits also.
***
A daughter asks her mother:
– What kind of package do the men have?
– The men’s packages are of three types, my dear child: when a man is 20, his mancock is like a oak – firm and hard; when a man is between thirty and forty, it’s like a birch – it bends, but it’s steady-going; and when a man is over fifty – his package is like a Christmas tree.
– You said – Christmas tree?
– Yes. The roots are stone dead and the globes are just Christmas balls.
***
A wife asks a husband:
– Dear, my cell phone money dried up, may I use yours to call my female friend?
A husband: Sure thing!
Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.
Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».
Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию на ЛитРес.
Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.