And before Harry could stop him, Dobby bounded off the bed, seized Harry’s desk lamp and started beating himself around the head with ear-splitting yelps.
A sudden silence fell downstairs. Two seconds later Harry, heart thudding madly, heard Uncle Vernon coming into the hall, calling, ‘Dudley must have left his television on again, the little tyke!’
‘Quick! In the wardrobe!’ hissed Harry, stuffing Dobby in, shutting the door and flinging himself onto the bed just as the door handle turned.
‘What – the – devil – are – you – doing?’ said Uncle Vernon through gritted teeth, his face horribly close to Harry’s. ‘You’ve just ruined the punchline of my Japanese-golfer joke … one more sound and you’ll wish you’d never been born, boy!’
He stomped flat-footed from the room.
Shaking, Harry let Dobby out of the wardrobe.
‘See what it’s like here?’ he said. ‘See why I’ve got to go back to Hogwarts? It’s the only place I’ve got – well, I think I’ve got friends.’
‘Friends who don’t even write to Harry Potter?’ said Dobby slyly.
‘I expect they’ve just been – hang on,’ said Harry, frowning. ‘How do you know my friends haven’t been writing to me?’
Dobby shuffled his feet.
‘Harry Potter mustn’t be angry with Dobby – Dobby did it for the best …’
‘Have you been stopping my letters?’
‘Dobby has them here, sir,’ said the elf. Stepping nimbly out of Harry’s reach, he pulled a thick wad of envelopes from the inside of the pillowcase he was wearing. Harry could make out Hermione’s neat writing, Ron’s untidy scrawl and even a scribble that looked as though it was from the Hogwarts gamekeeper, Hagrid.
Dobby blinked anxiously up at Harry.
‘Harry Potter mustn’t be angry … Dobby hoped … if Harry Potter thought his friends had forgotten him … Harry Potter might not want to go back to school, sir …’
Harry wasn’t listening. He made a grab for the letters, but Dobby jumped out of reach.
‘Harry Potter will have them, sir, if he gives Dobby his word that he will not return to Hogwarts. Ah, sir, this is a danger you must not face! Say you won’t go back, sir!’
‘No,’ said Harry angrily. ‘Give me my friends’ letters!’
‘Then Harry Potter leaves Dobby no choice,’ said the elf sadly.
Before Harry could move, Dobby had darted to the bedroom door, pulled it open – and sprinted down the stairs.
Mouth dry, stomach lurching, Harry sprang after him, trying not to make a sound. He jumped the last six stairs, landing cat-like on the hall carpet, looking around for Dobby. From the dining room he heard Uncle Vernon saying, ‘… tell Petunia that very funny story about those American plumbers, Mr Mason, she’s been dying to hear …’
Harry ran up the hall into the kitchen and felt his stomach disappear.
Aunt Petunia’s masterpiece of a pudding, the mountain of cream and sugared violets, was floating up near the ceiling. On top of a cupboard in the corner crouched Dobby.
‘No,’ croaked Harry. ‘Please … they’ll kill me …’
‘Harry Potter must say he’s not going back to school —’
‘Dobby … please …’
‘Say it, sir …’
‘I can’t!’
Dobby gave him a tragic look.
‘Then Dobby must do it, sir, for Harry Potter’s own good.’
The pudding fell to the floor with a heart-stopping crash. Cream splattered the windows and walls as the dish shattered. With a crack like a whip, Dobby vanished.
There were screams from the dining room and Uncle Vernon burst into the kitchen to find Harry, rigid with shock, covered from head to foot in Aunt Petunia’s pudding.
At first, it looked as though Uncle Vernon would manage to gloss the whole thing over (‘Just our nephew – very disturbed – meeting strangers upsets him, so we kept him upstairs …’) He shooed the shocked Masons back into the dining room, promised Harry he would flay him to within an inch of his life when the Masons had left, and handed him a mop. Aunt Petunia dug some ice-cream out of the freezer and Harry, still shaking, started scrubbing the kitchen clean.
Uncle Vernon might still have been able to make his deal – if it hadn’t been for the owl.
Aunt Petunia was just handing round a box of after-dinner mints when a huge barn owl swooped through the dining room window, dropped a letter on Mrs Mason’s head and swooped out again. Mrs Mason screamed like a banshee and ran from the house, shouting about lunatics. Mr Mason stayed just long enough to tell the Dursleys that his wife was mortally afraid of birds of all shapes and sizes, and to ask whether this was their idea of a joke.
Harry stood in the kitchen, clutching the mop for support as Uncle Vernon advanced on him, a demonic glint in his tiny eyes.
‘Read it!’ he hissed evilly, brandishing the letter the owl had delivered. ‘Go on – read it!’
Harry took it. It did not contain birthday greetings.
Dear Mr Potter,
We have received intelligence that a Hover Charm was used at your place of residence this evening at twelve minutes past nine.
As you know, underage wizards are not permitted to perform spells outside school, and further spellwork on your part may lead to expulsion from said school (Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage sorcery, 1875, Paragraph C).
We would also ask you to remember that any magical activity which risks notice by members of the non-magical community (Muggles) is a serious offence, under section 13 of the International Confederation of Warlocks’ Statute of Secrecy.
Enjoy your holidays!
Yours sincerely,
Mafalda Hopkirk
Improper Use of Magic Office
Ministry of Magic
Harry looked up from the letter and gulped.
‘You didn’t tell us you weren’t allowed to use magic outside school,’ said Uncle Vernon, a mad gleam dancing in his eyes. ‘Forgot to mention it … slipped your mind, I dare say …’
He was bearing down on Harry like a great bulldog, all his teeth bared. ‘Well, I’ve got news for you, boy … I’m locking you up … you’re never going back to that school … never … and if you try and magic yourself out – they’ll expel you!’
And laughing like a maniac, he dragged Harry back upstairs.
Uncle Vernon was as bad as his word. The following morning, he paid a man to fit bars on Harry’s window. He himself fitted the cat-flap in the bedroom door, so that small amounts of food could be pushed inside three times a day. They let Harry out to use the bathroom morning and evening. Otherwise, he was locked in his room around the clock.
Three days later, the Dursleys were showing no sign of relenting and Harry couldn’t see any way out of his situation. He lay on his bed watching the sun sinking behind the bars on the window and wondered miserably what was going to happen to him.
What was the good of magicking himself out of his room if Hogwarts would expel him for doing it? Yet life at Privet Drive had reached an all-time low. Now the Dursleys knew they weren’t going to wake up as fruitbats, he had lost his only weapon. Dobby might have saved Harry from horrible happenings at Hogwarts, but the way things