‘Why do it, then?’
‘You get close to the whales. You get contacts, experience. A chunk of data for your degree. Do you know how many people want to be marine biologists? No one can get the experience you need. No one.’
‘Why you telling me this?’
‘Because …’ She spoke slowly, carefully. ‘If you came … Well, like I said, there isn’t even time off, really. We’d never see each other. It wouldn’t be fair on you.’
He took his foot off her leg. So that’s what this evening was about. This summer was as far as it went. She was letting him know. Gently as she could.
‘You don’t want me to come?’ he said.
Hannah dropped her fork, wide-eyed with shock.
‘What? Jake, no! No. I didn’t mean … I’d love you to be there. More than anything.’ She reached across the table and grabbed his hand. ‘But it’s a big ask. We couldn’t even stay together. We’d hardly see each other.’ She sounded sad, talking about the reality of it. He had to admit it didn’t sound like he’d imagined. Even so …
‘Don’t matter,’ he said, shrugging. ‘I can surf. It’s Hawaii. That’s a dream come true. Better seeing each other once a week than Skyping. Better than waiting six months. They’ll have to let you see me sometimes.’ He squeezed her hand back and smiled at her, noticing the softness in her eyes. The mistiness.
‘You’d wait?’ Hannah said. ‘Six months? For me?’
‘Yeah. Course.’ He pulled his hand from hers, feeling oddly shy. He coughed, and attacked his steak. ‘I’d rather come to Hawaii, though.’
‘Where would you stay?’
‘I’d work it out.’
‘What would you do for money?’
‘I’d work that out too.’
‘It’s that simple for you, isn’t it?’
He took a chunk of fat off his plate and threw it to Beano. He took another gulp of wine.
‘Yes,’ he said.
She watched him eat, her elbows on the table, resting her chin on interlaced fingers and gazing at him, carefully.
‘Okay,’ she said.
‘Okay what?’
‘Okay, come to Hawaii.’ She shone her sun-smile at him.
‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah. I wanted you to. I just … needed to hear you say it.’ Hannah stood up, came round the table and plonked herself on his lap. She snuggled her bum into him. On to him. And kissed him.
‘Hawaii, yeah?’ he said.
‘Yes. Yes. Promise me.’
‘I promise.’
They kissed some more. He had one hand on her thigh, another round her waist. His hand moved up her leg, and the dress moved with it. She put her tongue between his lips for a second. He felt himself, against her, stronger by the moment. She wriggled out of his grip, and stood up. She reached for the wine bottle but it was empty. ‘Go get another,’ she said breathlessly. ‘To celebrate.’
When he stood up, his head was spinning from the wine and from the warmth of Hannah. From the promise they’d made. They were going to Hawaii.
Jake walked to the cellar, swaying, like he was surfing the air. He was ready to grab a bottle and run back quickly, before the moment dissolved.
He stood, in front of the racks, a kid in a sweet shop, not knowing which to take. He picked one at random then looked around the cellar, up and down, as if there might be a camera there too. But there wasn’t.
He still felt giddy. Drunk, and not just from wine.
He had an idea. It made his head spin even more. He picked a bottle off the rack on the far wall: one of the ‘expensive’ wines. He wiped the dust off, on his jeans, and replaced it with the one he’d just taken.
It felt bad and good at the same time. Naughty.
So what? he thought. A little payback for the grief Lancaster had caused Mum. Why not? Lancaster could afford it. He probably wouldn’t even notice.
Jake toyed with the idea putting the bottle back. A twinge of guilt making him hesitate. Then:
‘Fuck it,’ he said, laughed out loud, and ran.
Back in the kitchen, Jake opened the wine and Hannah turned up the music.
They danced. She taught him moves she’d learnt at classes when she was young. She seemed pleased with how quickly he picked them up.
They slow-danced. Snogged.
He thought about Hannah as they danced. This smart, beautiful girl. The girl he’d be with in Hawaii.
‘Why me?’ he asked, as they swayed slowly, with her head on his shoulder and her breath against his neck.
‘Why you what?’
‘You could have anyone.’
They sat down, with her on his lap again. No wriggling away now. Her arms hung round him, pulling him closer.
‘Those people Mum and Dad are with tonight … Their son, Simon, was my first proper boyfriend. It lasted a year. It should have been a week. The guys I meet in my world, they’re like Simon. Too polite, too awkward. Or they’re rugger-playing idiots whose total dream is to be a stockbroker with a Porsche,’ she whispered in his ear, her hand on his chest. ‘They don’t interest me; they’re not … real.’ She took a glug of wine from the bottle, kissed his neck. ‘I don’t want to be some banker’s wife. I don’t want to end up … I hate myself for saying this … like Mum. You see this – this place. Think it’s nice?’
‘Yeah. It’s …’
‘It’s a prison!’ Hannah cried, suddenly angry-drunk. ‘This life. Why do you think I’m going to Hawaii? It’s not just whales. Not just that. I’m getting away.’
‘Is that me, then? Am I an escape too?’
‘No, Jake. I mean you are, but you’re more than that. I’m drunk. I don’t know what I … I’m just trying to say … You’re different. You’re strong and kind. You don’t give a shit about things that don’t matter.’ She waved her arm at the kitchen, the house. ‘You’re all about doing things, being who you are, not just getting more … Stuff. You’re free, like … I dunno. The sea.’
‘The sea?’ he laughed. ‘What does that mean?’
‘I told you. I don’t know.’ Her hand slipped inside his shirt. Their mouths locked, softly, and the talking stopped.
They stood up, still kissing, for a long time, then in one movement, he took the hem of her dress, lifted it over her head, and let it fall to the floor.
They came back together, knocking a chair over.
‘Leave it,’ she said, wrapping her arms round his neck.
They stumbled through the door and up the stairs, stopping to kiss, to feel, before staggering into Hannah’s room. To her bed.
*
Afterwards, they lay together. The window was open. Jake watched the star-rammed sky, and listened to the sea on the rocks. Hannah fell asleep in his arms.
HANNAH’S EYES FLEW open.
Why?