Armed with the years, completely disarmed themselves, inventing a set of silly rules that I do not believe, but deceiving myself again and again. In this nonsense called “must”, for the sake of “self”, believe me, it is not worth living. I have not sought the motivation to deceive, I am tired of the false sun outside the window. It is as if I have not lived for so long, not even in my dream. Once again, the insulted girl will run away, perhaps leaving a trace in the heart of someone who cannot help himself. But I, who collect these shards of happiness, fleeting and only my moments. I continue to believe in miracles, where a spark of love, still alive, not extinguished, a magic lamp in my soul, makes me wake up and make wishes again and again, as always. The wind of memories…
BECAME A MOTHER
I think the whole point is to move everywhere and for everything. Just walking and moving is inherent in the genome of all living things. Constantly producing and releasing energy, otherwise there is no other way in this cesspool among mixed up worlds and parallels. We receive and immediately give back, the basic law of the universe is equal energy communication. It’s impossible to get away with stealing. On the subtle level, a channel is formed through which you have to return your life energy. Thought, intention and action are the three components in the life activity of the physical plane, so it is important to be responsible for thoughts, without which there is no action. Energy is where your thoughts are, and therefore the materialization of whatever is planned as a result of your subsequent decisions and actions. It’s not enough to know everything, you have to follow it. Throughout life, most people have only developed the lower muladhara chakra, which is not peculiar to spiritual growth. It’s a lot of hard work and working on yourself, especially on your weaknesses. An enlightened person begins to radically change his or her life according to universal laws, using the energy of the Source for good. And you don’t have to look for new meanings and solutions with your inflamed brain to be happy, with impunity. It’s simple, go outside and walk, breathe, connect with the main stream of energy. Participate in everyone’s life, unite and love. Change the space for the better, be positive. That’s how happy and free I felt today, sitting on a bench in the park. And it was a great happiness to see my beloved son come to me, as always, with gifts and a smile! Just walk, man, you are already happy and free! What more do you need, my dear Oddball, just spread your wings and fly!
…Once the bright sun of May, which burst so sharply through the window of the maternity ward, nymphetically illuminated at last the screaming baby lifted by the midwife.
– What are you going to call your baby, Mama? she asked.
– How beautiful, my God Yahweh! – The girl remembered the meaning of the sun god in Old Slavonic and fainted.
– You’ve tortured the baby,” the midwife scolded the mother afterwards, exhausted with pain and fear for her baby.
– “But what matters now is that my son is alive and crying. He is wrapped in the warm May sunshine. And all will be well,” the mother thought, hiding her tears.
– “My baby, my little son, you are the most loved one in the world! Are you holding out your hands to your mother, are you humming again, little one? Listen, Mommy is going to sing you a song. You don’t know yet that the sun rises in the morning. The rooster sings next. And the lark welcomes spring. And at night the children sleep. Mama will be with you, I’ll watch over your sleep. Don’t cry, I’ll wash you with spring water. I’ll put you to bed and we’ll sleep together,” she sang to him.
– Will you come back? – asked the doctor, who was obviously experienced in using her eloquence in such moments.
– No, – she replied with determination, not realizing that she would soon be back in that maternity hospital, but on a winter’s evening, rejoicing at the birth of her little girl.
– Tell me who I have! – was the first thing Mama asked.
– A daughter,” was the quick reply.
She looked lovingly at her baby girl’s beautiful face. Mama kissed her little fingers. And held the baby in her arms!
– An angel from heaven came to me. I will live for you, my little star. You are the most beautiful in the world! The waltz of memories in a waltz of emotions. Happiness is my price. An angel looks at me with pure, intelligent eyes, – the woman rejoices in happiness and cries.
– I love you, my daughter, my light and my joy! – She held the baby lovingly in her arms and kissed her God-given baby girl.
“That’s it, I have everything,” she thought, weak and sickly, but so happy to think that she already had the most important thing in life.
– I love you! – mumbled her mother, tired of the nightmare of cold hospital wards…
…Yes, today she became a mother exactly twenty-two years ago. Even earlier, twenty-four years ago, with the birth of my boy, my son, I understood and felt motherhood for the first time. Calmly, I dealt with the past as a result of some of my bitter mistakes. But I didn’t hide from problems, I stood up for the well-being of my children, even if I screamed nervously, because I cared, I learned to be a sincere mother and I forgave myself for my weaknesses. Because I know that my son and my daughter will love me, maybe my daughter in her own way, it doesn’t matter, everyone’s choice. And my love for them is just immense. As they say, hard on the outside but kind on the inside. My toughness is all because of straightforwardness, without the need to pretend. Truth is an axiom, but lies are a vice. Yes, today I am at peace with the beautiful winter day outside my window. But yesterday’s snowstorm left an indelible impression. Life in the small town ground to a halt under the onslaught of eternal nature. In the early morning, I made my way through the drifts to the store to buy a delicious cake for my little girl. I was as happy about this snow drift and fresh blizzard as I had been twenty-two years ago. There were only happy thoughts of the future in my mind. After buying groceries, like an icebreaker, I began to break through the barriers, breathing heavily, not having calculated the number of bags, of course. I thought, guys, I won’t make it home, I’ll fall in a snowdrift, and no one will look for me, they won’t see me. My recent time at home after an illness had made itself felt. But I got up and walked forward, once again feeling the thin line between life and death, everything is very fragile, you have to love and appreciate. Yes, perhaps today I am at peace with the silence outside the window and within myself. And I am sure that I love this restless, loving, straightforward, strong, sincere, intelligent, sometimes selfish, sometimes insecure, but kind, honest, beautiful mommy. I love the soul that wants to make herself and everyone around her happy. I’m excited to have this sweet and bitter experience at the same time. There is nothing like bringing a woman to life. An unforgettable experience that teaches you to get up and go forward for your children every time. Thank you for all the good, the light and the bittersweet that I let go of. The bitter experience of motherhood implies a complete denial of self-interest. And it is usually aggravated by ingratitude on the part of the children. It is very difficult to go through. I congratulate all the women of the world on their every day of motherhood. We are very brave. But I find it hard to accept and accept injustice as the other side of life. Only the love of my son saves me. You just have to be taller, that's all you have to do.
SHE’S NICE
The bright sun shone through the office windows. And I thought that spring was already knocking on the door and peeking through the windows. The mood made me think about the events that had happened. I wanted to share it with someone, to see sincere sympathy or at least understanding. How long ago it was, and if it was…
The thoughtful girl watched the passing cars and hurried passers-by, trying to understand her feelings, trying to sort out her thoughts, which did not give her peace. At least for a while, to remember