After a couple of days of intense text messaging, he invited me on a day trip to go see some famous waterfalls the following weekend, which I accepted. We had a great day, I was psyched to drive his absolutely fabulous sports car, and I dare say that both of us enjoyed the day and each other’s company. The confusing thing, however, was that I kept having the impression that he wanted to grab and kiss me a couple of times, but didn’t, which was odd, but what to say, maybe he was shy? It did occur to me that I should maybe just take over and kiss him, but something held me back because I had trouble ‘reading’ the guy. He kept paying me compliments, but I still couldn’t decipher him.
After our weekend trip, our communication boiled down to text messaging. Excessive text messaging. He simply loved to write messages, mostly with sexual content, which I found quite lame after a while because I’m more of a ‘hands-on’ person than a theoretician, especially since he was practically my neighbor, so why tell me your sexual fantasies via text messages if you can just visit your neighbor and live them out? Well, some at least. His behavior was strange, why would someone openly flirt like that without even trying to kiss me? Maybe he had issues? Size issues? Sexual issues? Disease issues??? At one point I even asked him whether he actually liked me, to which he replied asking how someone this smart and beautiful could ask such stupid questions. Hello? What kind of answer is that? I soon got bored by his Neanderthal approach and the failed communication attempts and cut all communication.
After about 1.5 years without a word from him, after I had already forgotten about him, I suddenly received a message from him on the social networking site where we had met initially. He wrote that he hoped I wasn’t upset any longer and that he would like to see me again, that he could explain his behavior in the past and that we should go out for dinner, to a restaurant of my choice, regardless of the price range, he’d cover the bill. An odd statement, wouldn’t you say? Where I come from, it’s self-understood that you pick up the bill when you invite a woman to dinner, so why point it out? It started making sense later on though.
I answered by first setting him straight and telling him that I had never been upset, merely annoyed, and there’s a big difference between the two, if you ask me. Then I agreed to meet him for dinner. He replied that what had happened in the past didn’t matter, all that mattered now was that we had gotten in touch again and that I pick up my present in April. Present?!? My birthday is in April, so I assumed he was referring to that, and of course I love presents, who doesn’t, but this odd approach must be some sort of Austrian rite to try to charm a woman…
We went out for dinner and his explanation went as follows: When he contacted me the very first time, he was going through a rough time because of an affair he had had with a subordinate of his and he didn’t want to involve me in the whole mess. Why contact me in the first place if you are in such a mess? Because he wanted something new to help him get over the other mess. Very flattering.
He also told me how he had tried to find me a couple of times over the past 1.5 years, how he had come to the address where he had picked me up the last time, but my name was not at the door (which is true), how he had googled me to find my phone number (which he had lost mysteriously), and how he had seen me in our neighborhood one day, loaded with shopping bags. When I asked why he hadn’t stopped to say hi or to help me with the bags at least, he said that he hadn’t been sure it was me. So what did the Austrian do in this situation? Even though he had left above-mentioned social networking site in the meantime, he signed up again to contact me. Aaaaaaw, how very romantic, isn’t it? I nevertheless gave him credit for his attempts, if he ever really undertook them. And of course the bottle of wine we consumed in record time during our reunion dinner helped us relax and it brought back the mutual liking we had experienced the last time we had spent time together.
On the way home he then asked out of the nowhere whether we would go to his place or mine, and I must say that it was a real pleasure to reject him. Did he really think he could just show up like that after 1.5 years and get me into his bed? My ass! I gave him a kiss on the cheek and went home. He showered me with text messages that night and the next day, and since I hadn’t had sex in months, I agreed to meet him the following evening, when I literally went over to my neighbor’s for sex. As simple as that. Romance is sometimes highly overrated, and there is something to shagging one’s neighbor, I must admit.
The following day both of us went out of town for the weekend, and it was nice to be all excited about a new lover, waiting to see him again. But I already knew I didn’t want a relationship with him, even though I couldn’t yet pinpoint why. After both of us had returned from our weekend trips, we met again for dinner. At the restaurant, the waiter asked whether we wanted to start with a glass of champagne, to which… Hm. I just realized that I haven’t given him a name yet, so let’s call him Dr. Freak – the academic title because he loved to point out that he had a PhD, while the name best describes what I think of him now.
So Dr. Freak suggested we order a whole bottle of champagne of my choice. Alright. I chose. And over the following ten days I was reprimanded repeatedly for my choice, believe it or not. The waiter gave me three options in terms of bubbly, and I chose the brand I like, which is Dom Perignon and which happened to be the most expensive champagne on the list, although I didn’t know that. I was given the choice, so I chose. He didn’t say anything that night, but brought it up the next day in a text message, talking about the fortune he had paid for the champagne. WTF?
Although he ‘scolded’ me jokingly, I didn’t find it the least bit funny. And on top of it he told me that it was ok because it had been a special occasion, i.e. his birthday. At that point I still refused to comment on his moronic behavior, still hoping that he would turn out to be normal after all. It’s not like I deliberately chose the most expensive champagne in the restaurant, I chose the one I like because I had been given the choice. And it’s not like the guy doesn’t have money, he certainly does as he loves to brag about his possessions and the amounts he paid for them. The expression on his face when he’d boast about his acquisitions was quite hilarious. While stating how much he’d paid for something, he’d stare at me with the expression of a calf, wide open eyes staring at me expectantly, waiting for some sort of approval, I assume? But instead of admiring him and ooooohing and aaaaahing I was trying hard to keep my sarcastic remarks to myself. It takes a lot more to impress me than dropping names and price tags. So I simply stared back at him with the same calf-like expression.
The freakiest thing, however, was what ensued that same night at his place. Just as I was about to drift off to sleep, he started mumbling some incomprehensible things in a very strange voice. It sounded like a warped version of a stupidly giggling Beavis or Butthead, it was utterly creepy and I was about to get out of bed and run home. And I am so not kidding or exaggerating. I asked him what on earth was wrong with him, and he replied that he had only been joking. I’ve certainly met my fair share of freaks in my life, but this gave me some serious chills as I sensed that this wasn’t merely a seemingly über-proper businessman in his 40s goofing around. He probably sensed that I was about to leap out of the window and decided to hid his multiple personalities for the time being.
The next morning, as he was opening