Five years - that's all we got. Sandra Borchert

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       I would really love to have a picture of you

       with your brown curls and your green eyes, your

       beautiful bright smile and your great figure.

       Please pardon that expression. I

       would be most happy if we could meet again someday.

       But till then I hope we can stay in contact.

       I wish you and your mother a merry Christmas and

       I hope to hear from you soon.

       Please take care of yourself.

       Love Phillip.”

      I had tears in my eyes. He had not forgotten me. He even liked me. And now he was gone. Life was unfair. But I had his address. However before I could even think about it any further, I arrived in London. I put the letter and his picture into my diary. No one should know about him. He was my little secret. My little heartthrob.

      My mother was more than happy to have me back in her arms. It has been nearly one year until we have last seen each other.

      The apartment looked different. You could see my mother's touch. She had worked hard. The walls were newly papered and also the fireplace and the carpet were new. She had furnished a room for me, just the way I always wanted it. I felt at home immediately. My mother lighted the fireplace and made hot chocolate for us. Then we talked all night about anything and everything. She told me how things were at her work and that she had found a job for me at a famous hotel. I was so very proud to begin this work. After all that would mean I had the chance to work a lot abroad. Of course I would stay with my mom for now. But my life would start soon. It was very late when we went to bed that night. But before I lay down to sleep I examined the picture of Phillip one more time. Then I closed my eyes and fell fast asleep. Finally back at home. What a wonderful feeling. Only then I realized how much I have missed my home.

      The next morning no alarm clock rang. My mother let me sleep as long as I wanted to. It was nearly noon when I finally woke up. She had made a wonderful turkey with dumplings and vegetables. The Christmas presents already lay under the tree by the fireplace. And above the fireplace hung a picture of my father. “He would have been so proud of you,” my mother said. I felt that she was still very attached to him even though quite a few years had passed since his death. I made her the present of an album for her photos and a portrait of myself. Immediately she put the picture on the fireplace where everyone could see it. She was so proud of her little Lucy.

      I still remember what I got. She gave me a white wool sweater and two tickets for the opera.

      The opera… The very first time in my life I would hear an opera. I was so very excited.

      After church it was finally time for us to get dressed for the opera.

      All the time I had to think about Phil and all the things he had told me about the cultural life in London. At last I was part of it. Finally I was able to discover those things and I loved it.

      I also loved “La Traviata” and everything about it. What a wonderful story. I could not believe how much emotion you could express with music. It was not necessary to understand the text. You just had to feel it in your heart. In the end I could not hold my feelings and pulled out my handkerchief. How wonderful this evening was. It was totally true what they say: Either you love the opera or you hate it. And if you love it, then it will be forever.

      What a marvelous day. My mother knew exactly how she was able to indulge me. Exhausted I fell into my bed that night, still remembering the music I have just heard.

      Just one more day and Christmas would be over, I thought in the morning. That was actually quite sad because right the next day I would start my new work. Then pampering would be over. But before that happened we planned to bless other people.

      Even the people in the poor houses of London should feel that it had become Christmas. Every Sunday my mother went there and brought food, warm clothes or anything else to the poor. It was heartbreaking for her to see the little children there. She organized toys and warm blankets for them and also made sure that it was meticulously paid attention to hygiene. Today she wanted to show me why we had no reason for complaining and sadness. And also why we should appreciate every pence we owned.

      It was a terrible smell in that house. It was musty and smelled a little like urine and vomit. There was no trace of hygiene. Old people wandered through the corridors. It made me a little afraid. They made a strange appearance to me because I was not used to it. Mother said I should not act squeamishly. Finally it was not always their fault. I assumed my mother felt guilty because her boss canceled a lot of their rental agreement when they could not pay for their rent anymore. She thought it was unfair because the financial situation in London was more than worse. Also with many hours of hard work we still did not have much money. So she tried to help these people in her own way.

      As we continued up the stairs I noticed a change since it became more and more clean. Here lived the families with the children. That was when I realized how much impact my mother’s engagement had. The children immediately came to her and sat on her lap. They embraced and caressed her. I was so proud of her. That was exactly the kind of person I wanted to be.

      That was when I made the decision to go with her every single Sunday and also make my contribution as well. That Christmas we brought them food and warm clothes and in the end we all sang carols together. We talked the whole evening and the fates of those families made me think. Nevertheless what happened, man and woman kept together. They did not need any luxury – they did just need each other. Love was all that mattered for them.

      Thoughtful I went to bed. Love was all we needed, of course. No amount of money could ever replace that. I did not know why, but at that moment I could only think of Phil. Was I in Love? No, absolutely not. Then I fell asleep.