Every nomadic tribe of traditional hunters we know about, from the San people (also known as Bushmen) in Africa to the Native Americans, performs rituals to express empathy, appreciation, respect, and reverence for the animals they kill. These rituals can also serve as a way to seek forgiveness from the animal and atone for the guilt that may arise from killing. During an interview with mythologist Joseph Campbell, journalist Bill Moyers asked him, “Do you think [hunting] troubled early man?”
Campbell replied:
Absolutely, that’s why you have the rites, because it did trouble him. [These rites included] rituals of appeasement to the animal, of thanks to the animal … And some kind of respect for the animal that was killed. That’s the thing that gets me all the time in this hunting ceremonial system, the respect for the animal. And more than respect … [The buffalo] was the sacred animal for the [American] Indians. These [European] hunters go out with repeating rifles and shoot down the whole herd and leave it there, and take the skin to sell and the body is left to rot. This is a sacrilege … Can you imagine what the experience must have been for a people within ten years to lose their environment, to lose their food supply, to lose the central object of their ritual life?33
No other predator in the world kills its prey and then performs ceremonies to express respect and gratitude. No other predator transforms its prey into a sacred creature that becomes the spiritual center of its nomadic tribal life. No other predator creates art by painting depictions of its prey on cave walls, as Europeans did tens of thousands of years ago when they lived as nomadic hunter-gatherers. No other predator has spiritual traditions encouraging it to extend empathy beyond blood relatives, local community members, and even its own species.
No other predator has spiritual teachers who encourage universal love. Saint Francis of Assisi, Buddha, and Gandhi taught us to have compassion for other living beings who share this planet with us, and Christian theologian Albert Schweitzer taught us to have “reverence for life.” (Later in this book I will explain the philosophical, spiritual, and scientific meaning of reverence, and I will also discuss why we have lost reverence for human beings, animals, and nature.)
Furthermore, no other predator in the world transforms another predator, the wolf, into “man’s best friend,” the dog. And no other predator in the world transforms the cat, yet another predator, into a beloved family member. Our extraordinary human capacity for empathy makes us unusual predators indeed.
But we are the world’s most unusual predator in other ways, because trauma can turn us into predators of our own family members. My father could be kind and gentle, but his unhealed trauma caused him to unpredictably transform into a metaphorical serpent. No other predator in the world torments its own children with the fear of death.
As I share more insights about the reality of trauma in later chapters, I will reveal how I almost became an even more unusual kind of predator, who was once a helpless child but was transformed by trauma into a ticking time bomb. Why did I not explode in rage and slaughter my fellow human beings, as trauma made me capable of doing? By sharing my story, I will uncover secrets about trauma, violence, and empathy that remain buried in our unconscious mind and primordial past. By discussing how I learned to love humanity despite having reasons to hate the entire human race, I will reveal how I created a path out of darkness.
Freaks of the Universe
When I was a child I felt like a freak. I hated this feeling back then, but today I consider it a gift, because it allowed me to see the human condition in a way that can help us solve our greatest problems. As I mentioned in the previous chapter, I grew up in Alabama feeling like an outcast because of my mixed-race blood. My sense of alienation grew worse due to several factors: my father’s paranoia caused him to socially isolate me, I was an only child, and my home environment was violent, unpredictable, and terrifying.
What is the difference between an outcast and a freak? Outcasts are treated by their community like they don’t belong. Based on my experiences, freaks are outcasts who have experienced such a high degree of alienation that they think they will never belong. After feeling like an outcast for so many years, I began to feel like a freak. But feeling like a freak can have its advantages, because it allowed me to see the world from a unique perspective.
We begin to grow as human beings when we work to expand and deepen our perspective. As I observed the world from the viewpoint of an outsider, I made an effort to see farther and deeper, like an explorer who journeys to see what is over the next hill or a scientist who peers beneath the shallow surface. When I looked farther and deeper into the human condition, I saw surprising features on the landscape of our shared humanity.
Some of the features that make us more similar than different as human beings truly shocked me. During my junior year at West Point, as I was contemplating suicide after a lifetime of agony, I thought, “What if all human beings are freaks, even if they don’t realize it? What if I am not alone?”
Although my traumatic upbringing gave me a unique perspective, I am certainly not alone in my suffering. I used to stare in the mirror and hate the shape of my Asian eyes, wishing I looked white so that I could belong. But haven’t most people shared an experience similar to mine, even if it was not with the same intensity? How many people, especially in our society, have stared in a mirror and wished they could change how they look? How many have wanted to be taller, slimmer, more muscular, or younger? How many have gazed at their reflection and desired a nicer head of hair, clearer skin, less wrinkles, a flatter stomach, or the ability to change the shape and size of their facial features and body parts? How many have been tormented by the feeling that they are not pretty enough, handsome enough, or good enough?
Human beings are unusual, because no other species on the planet, as far as we know, stares in the mirror and thinks, “I hate my body. I hate my face. I hate myself.” No other species suffers from self-destructive eating disorders because it perceives itself as being too fat. No other species hates its body because it does not look like a supermodel, or feels so ugly that it ponders suicide.
I will discuss how mass media influences our perception of beauty in a later chapter. In the meantime, it is important to understand that mass media influences us so powerfully through images because it understands the human condition. Human beings gather more information about the world through our eyesight than any other sense, and our large brains give us a level of self-awareness so high it is often painful. Our heightened self-awareness is a blessing that made us more adaptable on the harsh African savannah, but it is also a curse.
Many other species also demonstrate self-awareness, but as far as we know, no other species can become depressed, addicted to drugs, and suicidal as a result of being tormented by its self-awareness, even when it has freedom, good physical health, companionship, and a belly full of food. No other creature is so tortured by its ability to think that it searches for escape in alcohol. A female friend once told me, “I get drunk to stop my mind from worrying, to stop my thoughts from racing, to stop feeling anxious about the future, to stop feeling regretful about the past, to stop my brain from thinking. These are some of the ways alcohol allows me to relax and have fun.” Of course, alcohol can also amplify emotions in some people, causing them to become more regretful, depressed, and angry when they are drunk.
A male friend told me something similar, but added, “Alcohol makes me less self-conscious. I often feel nervous and anxious, but alcohol makes me brave enough to talk to women, which is why it is called ‘liquid courage.’ Because I am self-conscious and worried about people judging me, I can be more social and carefree when I am drunk.” As far as we know, no other species has such trouble calming and relaxing its mind that it searches for peace in outlets such as alcohol, meditation, and music, just to name a few.